Thoughts On Adoption

junoYesterday, while lying in bed for a third day straight, battling the flu, I watched Juno. Its the second time I’ve seen the movie, but this time, it had my undivided attention and I could really really imagine what it must be like on both sides of the coin.

I especially related to the adoptive Mom. When she was painting the baby’s room, months before the baby was due and her husband kept telling her it was too early to be choosing paint colours, I’d be like that, that will be me one day.When she was so totally overwhelmed and touched while talking to the baby and touching Juno’s tummy, while crouched on her knees in the middle of the shopping mall – I can relate to that. How anxious and uptight she was all the time. I kept imagining myself in her shoes, waiting to hear if its all approved, being terrified that the birth mother would change her mind.

I suppose I can relate to so much of this adoptive Mom mostly because I’ve been there, twice. We’ve had two failed private adoption attempts. The first one, it went right down to the wire, W & I were short listed along with one other couple. However, the other couple paid donations to the BM’s church (something sounding fishy to you too) and wouldn’t you just know it, they failed the health screening but because it was a private adoption the BM insisted on selecting them. It was devastating, a little girl was born, we were so close and yet so far.

The second adoption attempt was also a private adoption, but after all the negotiotions were said and done, the BM decided to go for an abortion, I did everything I possbiley could to convince her otherwise, but it just wasn’t enough.

So I suppose its easy to see why I related to well to the BM. I had stars in my eyes during both of those attempts, I don’t think I can put myself through that kind of disappointment again.

15 Comments

  • In Due Time

    May 29, 2009 at 6:50 am

    I’ve been sick for a few days too and stuck in the bed. Ugh! ((Hugs)) I hope you feel better soon.

    Adoption and infertility can be such a rough road at times. I had a brief chance at getting twin boys 2 years ago from a co-workers sister, but they waited too late to do a private adoption (kids were taken for neglect) I had brief conversations about it with the coworker before they were born. Then a few mths later that happen. It wasn’t as tragic as your adoptions, but they were born a year after my niece. I often think about them. I do know they went to another loving family though, so that’s good. Plus my life has changed a bit since then. So in the end, it was better for the boys. But I do think about the what ifs from time to time.

    ((Hugs))

  • Abbey

    May 29, 2009 at 7:58 am

    Sharon, I never realised you had tried to adopt before. As if you have not been through enough on your journey. Juno is a great movie. I have watched it more than once as well ;0)

  • SassyCupcakes

    May 29, 2009 at 8:48 am

    I’m so sorry you’ve had such bad experiences with adoption. Have you looked into adoption in NZ? Over here you don’t meet the birth family until the baby is three months old (at least) and consent for the adoption has been given. From there the only way the adoption can fail is if the adoptive parents change their minds. It’s not a great system, it has other problems, but it does offer that protection to adoptive families.

  • Adi

    May 29, 2009 at 10:13 am

    Juno was a beautiful movie. I loved everything about it. Wish it could always be like that. You have your promise Sharon. It will come in the way it must come.

  • charne

    May 29, 2009 at 11:28 am

    o sharon i am sorry to hear that you have been through so much! failed adoption is not easy and i am sure the movie brought up those emotions/feelings

    hugs

    xx

  • WiseGuy

    May 29, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Dear Sharon, I read through the post a little while back…and I came back to it again…I have written about Juno on my blog…but the light in which both of us saw the movie was so completely different…

    I did not know about your adoption attempts…and I am so sorry about it not working out..when you were one nail away from doing so…

    maybe our difference in perspective lies in the fact that you have gone down the route and I have not…

    All the very best to you! One way or another, I want you to be able to fulfill your dream!

  • Lea White

    May 29, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    I have never seen the movie. I also didn’t know that you tried to adopt before. I pray that soon you will have your prayers come true!!!! (I’m not going to say dream, because what if you dreamt you were naked in public – I’m sure you wouldn’t want that to come true 🙂 )

    But in all seriousness – I pray for you every single day and keep you in my thoughts!

  • Hollie

    May 29, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    Bless your heart, I couldn’t imagine the pain that you felt/feel. You are inspirational to me. You can get up everyday (unless you suffer with the flu) and put one foot in front of another. Truly wonderful! Kudos to you girlfriend! Feel better!!

  • DD

    May 30, 2009 at 6:13 am

    It takes a special bravery to adopt. I fear my faith in the human race might have been shattered with the first potential adoption. It’s admirable even if you may not think so.

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