The Answer I’ve Waited For

Posted in Infertility by

SC-065-0116Its funny how sometimes finding your answer can take months of soul searching, months of grappling with your answer and then one day its just there!

That’s what happened to me this weekend. Since my 4th fresh IVFcycle failed, I’ve really battled with what to do next. Part of me was so heartbroken I wasn’t even sure if could go on. Part of me was so confused and hurt by the failure that I considered giving the embryo’s up for adoption. Part of me thought I could never face another round of treatment, part of me felt like I may loose my mind if I never tried again. I’v been swinging freely amongstthese emotions for months now and on Saturday evening, suddenly, while chatting with a friend, the answer came to me. It came out in such a sensible way and seemed so well thought out that it must have been hiding there all along, hidden from sight by my overwrought emotions and confusion.

So here is my answer:

I’m hoping to do my first of two FET’s sometime in the next couple of months, I’m expecting to do it in September, but there is something huge in the pipeline for W and if that pans out I may get to do my FETa little bit sooner. I have two ferns of frozen embryo’s – one fern contains 3 embryo’s and the other contains 4 embryo’s, all of them choice grade, which means in essence we will have two attempts with FET. Of course, in an attempt to be optimistic, I”m really hoping that one attempt will be all that’s necessary but if we’re not that fortunate, then we’ll do FET no. 2 early next year.

I have also come to the realization that I cannot ever go back to where I was a few years ago, so obsessedwith treatment that I had to be doing something every┬ásingle cycle emotionally and physically, I simply cannot do that again. I wonder if I even have the strengthth or courage to face more than one fresh IVF cycle in a year. Especially considering that not only will I have to have at least 2 – 3 Intralipid infusions for each treatment, but I’ll also be on daily progesterone injections as well as estrogen injections. I”m pretty sure that if I thought I looked like a pin cushion before, its going to be way worse.

Add to that my very squeamish husband will be required to do the daily progesteroneinjections as I wasn’t born with the natural ability to be double jointed and don’t see myself being able to inject my own arse, I think this all makes for some interesting times ahead.

For now, I’m trying not to focus on the possibility of another failed IVF or FET, its too scary and too painful so for now I’m going to do my very best to push the fear aside and focus on what might be…..

July 27, 2009
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12 Comments

  • Reply Kristin

    I’m glad you’ve been able to come to a decision that works for you. Hoping and praying that only one FET will be necessary.

    July 27, 2009 at 4:11 pm
  • Reply ^WiseGuy^

    Given that you have wrung out yourself already on this…I think you should give your FETs a fresh hopeful start!

    My best wishes!

    July 27, 2009 at 4:13 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    yay!!! I am excited x
    If you need some help, I will volunteer to come around and stab you in the ass!! haha

    July 27, 2009 at 5:05 pm
  • Reply samcy

    Ooh what could be? A cute cuddly mini Shaz & W, I can just see it.

    xxx

    July 27, 2009 at 8:30 pm
  • Reply Lea White

    Hugs, thoughts and prayers.

    July 27, 2009 at 9:55 pm
  • Reply Abbey

    Praying that only 1 FET is needed. I know how scary the thought of another ivf is. Take it one step at a time and just focus on the all the hope that your two bundles of frozen embryos hold for you! (((HUGS))

    July 28, 2009 at 7:37 am
  • Reply Cruella Deville

    Hi there! Lurker delurking here ­čÖé

    You know what? I`m proud of you for making the decision to try again. You have been through so much already, you will be able to face any procedure. I truly hope that your next procedure will be the one giving you the pretty babies you deserve to love.

    July 28, 2009 at 8:58 am
  • Reply Michelle

    I’m so happy for you Shaz and hope that W’s “big thing in the pipeline” happens soon.

    July 28, 2009 at 9:16 am
  • Reply Invivo

    Great to see you getting some clarity and new resolve. Keep focusing on what may be…will keep you strong.

    B.t.w. Any specific reasons why you would be doing P4 injections, or are you just trying it as an alternative approach?

    July 28, 2009 at 10:45 am
  • Reply skrambled

    Sounds really good Shaz! It’s also around the corner!

    July 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm
  • Reply monica

    This makes sense, Shaz. Sounds like you are at peace with this decision. Good for you!

    July 28, 2009 at 3:54 pm
  • Reply stacey

    As always, I’m wishing you all the very best. You know you have my support & prayers!

    July 28, 2009 at 11:29 pm
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