48 Hours In

And I’ve just crossed the threshold of what, in my experience, sets IVF apart from other fertility treatments in terms of the 2ww. I’m on CD20, 48 hours past transfer, if I’d had an IUI or a timed cycle, I’d still be blissfully unaware of whether fertilization had even occurred. Not so with IVF, by this point, one of two things will have happened……..

One or more of my embryo’s will have implanted and be snuggling into the lining of my uterus or they will have died off by now and will be shed along with my lining in about another 8 to 9 days time. That thought is driving me crazy. My mind is in over drive wondering, hoping, praying…….

Of course, its also too early to look for signs or symptoms, and even if there are any signs or symptoms, because of the trigger injection, the Gestone injections and the Estrogen tablets and patches, none of what I feel can be trusted.

Last night I told W I can’t believe I’m doing this to myself again. I hate the lack of control I have, I hate how my mind wonders to places I don’t want it to wonder to, I hate how I battle to concentrate and even when I do manage to knuckle down to a task, that thought is still floating around in the back of my mind, even in the moments of clarity when I’m able to be “normal” that thought is there just below the surface of my conscious thoughts.

For now, aside from feeling like I’m going slightly mad, I’m still ok, but I know that this is the start of a downward spiral and that within the next few days I’m going to get very very tearful as the wondering and waiting gets worse and worse.

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