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And the home tests are still coming up negative. I’m devastated, had/having a good cry.

So many questions in my head, but the overwhelming theme is why? Why do some of us have to suffer on such a hard journey? Why do some people’s journey’s have to be so much harder than others? I guess the part that’sreally messing with my head is that I’ve met so many people from my clinic who had success on their first attempts, I really really thought I could be lucky and also have success on my first attempt. i guess what’s really messing with my head is that of the group of us who left the old clinic at more or less the same time, who were all diagnosed with structural issues prevent pregnancy/causing miscarriages, everyone has had a positive pregnancy on the first or second attempts, most of them with timed cycles and IUI’s. But not me. But its not to be me.

The most overwhelming emotion right now is one of guilt. When I look at W, I feel so guilty for doing this to him. He was not exactly excited about doing IVF again, but he agreed to it because he loves me and he knows how important it is to me. To see the disappointment on his face again is killing me.

I just want my period to start now so that we can fully get this over with and try and pick up the pieces and move on. Again.

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