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And the home tests are still coming up negative. I’m devastated, had/having a good cry.

So many questions in my head, but the overwhelming theme is why? Why do some of us have to suffer on such a hard journey? Why do some people’s journey’s have to be so much harder than others? I guess the part that’sreally messing with my head is that I’ve met so many people from my clinic who had success on their first attempts, I really really thought I could be lucky and also have success on my first attempt. i guess what’s really messing with my head is that of the group of us who left the old clinic at more or less the same time, who were all diagnosed with structural issues prevent pregnancy/causing miscarriages, everyone has had a positive pregnancy on the first or second attempts, most of them with timed cycles and IUI’s. But not me. But its not to be me.

The most overwhelming emotion right now is one of guilt. When I look at W, I feel so guilty for doing this to him. He was not exactly excited about doing IVF again, but he agreed to it because he loves me and he knows how important it is to me. To see the disappointment on his face again is killing me.

I just want my period to start now so that we can fully get this over with and try and pick up the pieces and move on. Again.

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31 Comments

  • Reply Yvonne

    Oh Shaz, I’m so very sorry.
    It’s so effing cruel ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™
    Biggest ((hugs)) coming your way, I’m still hoping that somehow, someway this is all a big mistake.

    xx

    March 24, 2009 at 6:53 am
  • Reply Elize

    I’m so sad right now I don’t even know what to say. I have no words. I’m so sorry this has happened again, I can’t believe this is so f8ck8ed up. It sucks sucks sucks. (((HUGS)))

    March 24, 2009 at 7:04 am
  • Reply Lea White

    I’m so very sorry you are still getting negative tests. I prayed so very hard!!!

    March 24, 2009 at 7:13 am
  • Reply Amanda

    Oh no, I was hoping you were just testing too early! I was so hoping you would get your positive test. I’m so sorry for you both Sharon, Love and lots of hugs.
    A. xxxxxxx

    March 24, 2009 at 7:34 am
  • Reply Michelle

    Shaz – I’m so very sorry my friend. Not sure what to say.
    I know you always get positives from your HPT’s but somehow I am hoping that this time it will be wrong and you will still get some good news. I keep referring back to myself as an example and prayer that it might just be the same for you this time round.
    Hugs my friend

    March 24, 2009 at 7:46 am
  • Reply WiseGuy

    Tongue-tied!

    It is cruel and sad!

    March 24, 2009 at 8:06 am
  • Reply Adel

    Ai tog Shaz! This is the part that I hate the most!! Thinking of you and good luck my friend.

    Hugs.

    March 24, 2009 at 8:06 am
  • Reply CalT

    ๐Ÿ™ I’m so sad for you.

    March 24, 2009 at 8:10 am
  • Reply SassyCupcakes

    I’m so sorry. I wish there was a reason or an easy solution for you. It’s so unfair that some of the people who would make the best parents have the hardest time conceiving. I’m thinking of you. Take care.

    March 24, 2009 at 8:14 am
  • Reply Hela

    It absolutely sucks! ๐Ÿ™

    March 24, 2009 at 8:26 am
  • Reply jan

    im so sorry sharry!! but I do still think you should just do a blood test and know for sure. big big hugs

    March 24, 2009 at 8:26 am
  • Reply CeCe Garrett

    Youre on my heart and in my prayers hun. I am so SO very sorry.

    March 24, 2009 at 8:27 am
  • Reply skrambled

    I am just so sad for you….
    I really just send lots and lots of love your way and hope that the healing is speedy.

    March 24, 2009 at 9:00 am
  • Reply Abbey

    I have no words, just a heavy heart because I know what you must be going through. Saying sorry does not do the situation any justice but I’m thinking of you and sending big hugs filled with special love.

    March 24, 2009 at 11:01 am
  • Reply dee

    Oh crap. Im just so mad. I hate first time IVF successes, drives me mad. xxx

    March 24, 2009 at 11:36 am
  • Reply 'Murgdan'

    Fuck. There are no words. I am so sad for you.

    March 24, 2009 at 12:44 pm
  • Reply Elana

    That is just so unfair. I’m so sorry, sweetie!!

    March 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm
  • Reply Zeu

    Just sucks that is all!

    I really don’t want to give you false hope Sharon, but I had negative HPT’s all the way thru till test day, and on test day I got a positive Beta, which turned into a beautiful little baby..

    Thinking of you in this trying time!

    Love

    March 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm
  • Reply Flower

    I am so sorry. This journey is so unfair. I still don’t understand it. Praying that God gives us all peace!

    March 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm
  • Reply Lynese

    So sorry! x

    March 24, 2009 at 3:33 pm
  • Reply samcy

    No words.

    xxx

    March 24, 2009 at 4:01 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    I am so sorry xxx I will continue praying for you xx

    March 24, 2009 at 4:36 pm
  • Reply Katie

    I’m so so so sorry ๐Ÿ™ I wish you didn’t have to go through this either.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

    March 24, 2009 at 5:08 pm
  • Reply stacey

    Oh no. I am just so, so sorry. ๐Ÿ™
    Love ya, girl.

    March 24, 2009 at 6:22 pm
  • Reply Emmah

    I am still holding thumbs for you, is not over until the AF show up.

    March 24, 2009 at 6:56 pm
  • Reply Lea

    Im so sorry Sharon…

    Still holding you in my prayers every day. Praying super hard for a miracle…

    March 24, 2009 at 7:43 pm
  • Reply Katie

    I’m really sorry to hear this, must be really hard for you.

    March 24, 2009 at 9:37 pm
  • Reply Mrs. Gamgee

    I’m so sorry. There are no other words.

    ICLW

    March 24, 2009 at 9:46 pm
  • Reply Delenn

    I am so sorry.

    March 25, 2009 at 6:03 pm
  • Reply Pamela Jeanne

    Those questions tortured me, too. So sorry you’re feeling such angst and pain.

    March 25, 2009 at 9:38 pm
  • Reply Rach

    I’m sorry you didn’t get lucky, it sucks eh? Others do and you think, Wow perhaps I’ll be that lucky and we actually believe we will be but to no avail ๐Ÿ™

    xxxxx

    March 25, 2009 at 10:43 pm
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