We made it to the show with time to spare, got good seats with a great, close up view and Ava was very well behaved…. especially given there was a rather unoriginal magician and a Clamber Club demonstration before Barney came on stage… she really had to work hard at remaining patient. As a side note, I understand why companies like Clamber Club would like to do a demo before a show like Barney, but they must surely realize that an audience of 0 – 5 year olds have the attention span of a upside down floating goldfish and by the time Barney came on, people were streaming out of the theater as their children had had enough.

But back to the point of my blog post….. While the show was tedious at best, the look on Ava’s face when Barney finally made it onto stage, made it all SO worth while! Her innocents and pure pleasure at seeing the stupid purple dinosaur made my heart melt!

Where’s he? Where’s he? Where’s he???

OMW!!! There he is!!!!

Since Hannah’s placement, I have made extra effort to do something alone with Ava every single day, even if it’s just a trip to our local Pick ‘n Pay where she pushes the trolley, or a ride on her bike around the block. We’ll leave Hannah asleep with Loveness for a little while and go and spend some quality time together, even if it’s just 15 minutes. I want her to know that as my first born, she’s is still very precious and special to me and that I will always have time for her. So on Monday I asked her if she’d like to go and see Barney at the MamaMagic Baby Expo on Friday.  She was SUPER excited about this outing, telling her dad it was girl time and only her and I were going and no boys were allowed. Every day she asked me if it was Friday yet and if we could go to Barney’s house to see him.

Finally Friday arrived and Missy was so excited she didn’t even want to go to school, when she came home from school, she must have asked me every 5 minutes what the time was and if it was time to go to Barney’s house. Each time I said no, not yet, she’d plead with me: “Please Mama? Can we go now? Mama, please?”

Eventually it was time to head to the expo with plenty of extra time to find a seat where we could see Barney. But only when we arrived at the expo did I find out that all Friday’s shows were sold out. We landed up standing in a looooong queue to buy tickets to see Barney on Sunday. Of course, at 3, Ava did not understand this. She could not understand WHY if I’d promised her she was going to see Barney on Friday, why she couldn’t? Why we stood in the queue, bought and ticket and then turned around and left. She was devastated. She begged. She pleaded. She promised to be a good girl. She cried. She hiccuped. And I felt like UTTER shit for not having the foresight to prebook tickets for stupid Barney so that I wouldn’t have to disappoint my little girl. She cried THE WHOLE way home!

This is the sad little face I could see in my rear view mirror the whole way home!  I felt HORRIBLE. It HURT me to see her so disappointed. I wanted to start crying.

And that really got me thinking…. about parents who have no problem in disappointing their children. Parents who, for whatever reason, never keep their promises to their children? Fathers who never pay maintenance or cancel a visit or custody weekend. Parents who are married to their jobs, who put their needs/wants before those of their children. How do they do it? How do they live with their conscience, how do they look at their children and not be overcome with guilt.

I did everything in my power to make it up to Ava yesterday, I felt that guilty, I offered to do baking with her when we got home, or go bike riding, anything anything to see that precious little face smile again and not look sad and disappointed. I know life is unfair, I know she will be disappointed and let down, but if I can help it, she will not ever be let down or disappointed by me, not when it’s within my power and my control to prevent that.

Enter Hannah Faith and no lies, she is every parents dream, she is every child rearing specialists book subject. She is easy! She is chilled! She does EXACTLY what every parenting book tells you your baby should be doing but never does. She does have a very bad temper and will have no problem telling me how much I am pissing her off whenever we get dressed or undressed but the rest of the time, she’s all smiles & baby gurgles.

At night, she sleeps from 18h30 to between 6 – 7am! She does not wake up… she usually gets a bit niggly at around 1am, I go in her room & pop in her dummy, she doesn’t even open her eyes and just settles right down and continues sleeping. During the day she sleeps for between 2 – 2 & a half hours between feeds. She does not need to be rocked, lulled or patted to sleep… ever. As soon as I see her signals that she’s getting sleepy, I pop in her dummy, put her dudu blankie next to her face and she is lights out…. I put her down in her cot and leave her and she does not wake up.

She is drinking 125ml bottles every 4 hours during the day and it literally takes her 10 – 15 minutes to finish a bottle, no fussing, no fighting. We also have not had to use Telemant drops or any other winding aids, once she’s finished her bottle, she releases a huge burp as soon as I sit her up, or pat her on the back for a few seconds.

All of her teeth are in their sockets and the one tooth, bottom, front, has been teasing us, with that gum swelling and getting angry and red and then subsiding again. Hannah is also physically very strong. I took her for vaccinations last week and even the clinic sister commented on her physical strength. She has been holding up her own head since she was placed with us, so at 8 weeks. She is constantly strengthing her stomach muscles and trying to pull herself into a sitting position when she’s awake, when she holds my fingers, she goes from lying down to a standing position and does not want to sit back down, this little girl wants to stand all the time.

I had her weighted at the clinic last week and she has doubled her birth weight and is now weighing in at 6.2kg’s at just 10 weeks, she has also grown in length and is now 61cm’s tall.

She is doing very well and has settled in perfectly. She is also very attached to me and will constantly look for me or stare at me whenever anyone else holds her.

I am just loving this time with her, it’s so much easier second time around and because I’m calmer and feeling more confident, I’m really able to treasure this special time with her.

It was a Friday, 8th March and I was feeling really down in the dumps. We’d just had our two hit and miss potential adoption placements, both of them had fallen flat, we’d really ridden the roller coaster of emotions, I was exhausted, downhearted, deflated and feeling pretty damn hopeless. To top it off I’d had a totally shocking day which had started off with no electricity, I’d had to go to work looking like a woolly 80′s Rock Star because I couldn’t blow dry my hair and the day just spiraled downward from there. By the time I got home from work, all I could think about was sitting down with a bag of chips and a bottle of wine!

When I arrived home, I discovered that our gardener had broken the automated garage door as he’d had to be opening it manually all day because of the power outage. When Walter got home he asked me to help him hold the ladder while he attempted to fix the garage doors. Now the stupid ladder is one of those metal ones and in between trying to hold the garage door up with one hand, while supporting the ladder with the other hand while Walter tried to get the door automation back on it’s rails, somehow the ladder started to slide over and it fell and slammed my fingers in between the two metal legs.  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I simply couldn’t anymore, after the totally shitty day, this was the end. I burst into tears,  viciously threw the ladder to the ground while throwing a few prize f-bombs and stormed into the house to check on my bruised fingers, blackened nails and cuticle on my one finger that ripped completely.

I decided to spend the rest of the evening in a sulk because life sucked and I was gonna eat worms. A couple of hours later my phone rang and I saw that it was our one social worker calling. It was after 7pm on a Friday evening, so I just knew…. I just knew… she was calling for a very good reason!

She told me that she had a feeling I’d been going through a rough time and she had news that she wasn’t supposed to share with me but she felt I deserved some cheering up. She then told us that we’d been chosen by birth parents. That I shouldn’t start telling the whole world just yet, but that things were looking good, that both the birth mother and birth father were involved and that the baby was a couple of weeks old. She also told me it was a little girl.

When I heard this news, I started screaming & alternating between running on the spot and doing star jumps! Both Walter and Ava came running and stood there staring at me like I’d completely lost my mind while I did this crazy/scream/dance thing.

This was 3rd time lucky. Third time we’d been matched/selected by birth parents in the space of ONE MONTH and it was also the first baby girl we’d been matched with, all our other close calls over the past two years have been boys, so I just had this very strong feeling that this was it!

Of course, having been so bitterly disappointed previously, Walter and I decided to keep this information close to home and didn’t share it with many people and certainly not online until right before the 60 days ended. Keeping our selection off my blog for more than a month nearly killed me, I was desperate to share it, but in the end, I’m glad we waited!

We stayed with my parents while we were in Cape Town for Hannah’s placement, they live in Durbanville which was great as we had to appear at the Bellville Magistrate Court at 9am. Walter and I were both very excited and very nervous at the same time. Just after 9am Eloise from Procare called us to say that she was running late to meet us at court, that there had been a problem but was nothing to worry about. Apparently the assistant to the Magistrate of the children’s court had contacted Eloise informing her that they had no paper so they were unable to print our paperwork for our adoption to be finalized (I freaking kid you not!!!) so Eloise had been forced to race back to her office, to print out all the documents for the courts so that our paperwork could go ahead!

Eloise arrived at court just before 10am and thankfully we were taken straight through to see the magistrate and get all the paper work signed. It was quite funny that hour we spent waiting… quite an experience. When we’d tried to enter the court house, a massive scuffle had broken out at the security entrance, guards were man handling a group of 3 men out the doors and guards inside slammed the doors shut and we got stuck in the middle of the scuffle. There are some seriously shady and scary characters hanging out at the court house and to be honest, I was a little scared!  Once were were inside, we sat in the waiting area while we waited for Eloise and after about 10 minutes Walter said their was something wet under his shoes…. when looked down, we were both sitting with our feet in a puddle of something that looked suspiciously like vomit! After dry heaving and racing back out through security where we spent 10 minutes wiping and dragging our feet on the grass and gravel, Eloise arrived and we got the formalities over with.

Finally we headed off the the New Life Center which is part of the Bellville Methodist Church, they offer a home to women and girls who are in crisis pregnancy and  work closely with Procare, often housing many of the Procare mom’s. It was decided that this would be the best place for our placement to occur as the place of safety caring for Hannah was a bit further away.

When we arrived at the New Life Center, Tannie Toekie from House of Thembiso was already there with Hannah. Of course our social workers didn’t want us to see her until after we’d met with our birth mom, so they wrapped her up in a blanket and removed her from the lounge where we had to wait. You have no idea how hard that was, I so desperately wanted to snatch the blanket off her and just have a look at her.

Shortly after that Hannah’s birth mother arrived. Wow. Just wow. Firstly she is absolutely gorgeous and so very very brave. We chatted with her for about half an hour or so. It was really great getting to know her a little. According to her Hannah looks a lot like her birth father and it was awesome to hear how they had chosen our profile. Apparently they’d gone in for a meeting with their social worker, to collect the profiles that had been matched with them. The SW ushered them into her office and left them for a moment. They both noticed the pile of profiles on her desk and ours was on top of the pile. Apparently they both looked at the cover photo’s, turned to each other and said that that was the one, that we were the family they wanted Hannah to come to. Of course when the SW returned to her office, carrying the pile of profiles they had been matched with, they were both disappointed to discover that our profile had actually been earmarked to go to another birth mother. But after some discussion, the SW agreed to let them take our profile as well. Hannah’s BM knew that we were the ones and this was confirmed for her even before she’d read it, she got her best friend to read through all the profiles as well and even her best friend told her that ours was definitely the right one for her.  Hannah’s birth father, apparently, chose us without even reading our profile, he looked at the photo’s on the front and back cover and just knew we were the ones!

After that our SW’s said they were going to have Tannie Toekie bring Hannah in, but her birth mom requested that she be allowed to fetch her and hand her over to us as she wanted to do the actual placement. The look of pride on her face when she walked in carrying Hannah will stay with me forever. I still get a lump in my throat when I think about it, when I remember the love, awe and pride that shone in her face as she carried her baby over to us for placement. During the tough times with Hannah, I just remember the look on her birth mom’s face at placement and I’m reminded of what a privilege it is to be raising this precious little girl.

Tannie Toekie also did a hand over of all the little things that Hannah had in her short life. From the little cup used to feed her in the hospital, her umbilical cord and hospital bracelet, her first outfit from the hospital, jersey’s and hats that knitted by an old lady who had visited the hospital and given these to her, the teddy bear that was in her cot at the house, her towel, dummy and bottle she’d used over the 60 days she’d been housed there, a little doll given to her by an old lady who was at the church service that House Of Thembiso attended where they had all the babies in their care blessed. It’s a very special box with lots of special things that are part of Hannah’s story.

We chatted a little longer after that, exchanging gifts. She’d bought Hannah and Ava a beautiful princess story book and had written a letter to Hannah explaining her decision to place her. Reading that letter brings me to tears every single time. And we bought her a Pandora bracelet and added charms onto it that had Hannah’s birth stone in them. For Hannah’s birth father, we had bought a beautiful pocket watch and had Hannah’s date of birth engraved on the lid as a keep sake for him.

After that it was time to start saying our goodbye’s, after much hugging and kissing, she asked if she could give Hannah one last kiss goodbye and after that, she turned on her heel and walked out. I watched her go and was overcome with emotion at her bravery, completely fell apart and started crying my eyes out. I can never begin to imagine how hard placement must be for birth mothers.

After that, we said our goodbye’s to our social workers and Tannie Toekie and took Hannah home to start our lives as a family of 4.

One of the many things that has stuck with me from our day of placement is the amazing and inspiring people we met that day. From the woman who runs the New Life Center to Tannie Toekie from House Of Thembiso.  Walter and I have decided to do whatever we can to support these great initiatives and will be making baby goods donations to House of Themibiso and financial contributions to New Life Center. If you have been moved or inspired by our story at all, please could I ask that you do the same? Every Rand donated will help these worthy causes.

New Life Center:

Bank: Standard Bank

Branch: Tyger Manor

Acc Name: Methodist Church New Life Centre

Account #: 071895124

Branch Code: 05041041

House Of Thembiso:

Any contributions are welcome (sponsorship, volunteer work or a donation) please contact Sonja to make arrangements
021 9815261

Mother and Child is an American drama film directed and written by Rodrigo García, and stars Naomi Watts, Annette Bening, Kerry Washington, Shareeka Epps and Samuel L. Jackson. It premiered on September 14, 2009 at the 2009 Toronto International Film Festival^[1] and at the Sundance Film Festival on January 23, 2010,^[2] and was the closing night selection within Maryland Film Festival 2010. It was given a limited release in the United States beginning May 7, 2010.

When she was 14, Karen (Annette Bening) became  pregnant and gave her daughter up for adoption. The decision to give up her child has always haunted her. Upon meeting laid-back Paco (Jimmy Smits), Karen permits her anxiety and mistrust to get the best of her. She gradually calms her anxiety through the relationship with Paco.

Karen’s daughter, Elizabeth (Naomi Watts), grows up to be solitary, willful, and hardhearted. She is hired as an attorney at a prestigious law firm headed by Paul (Samuel L. Jackson). They have an affair, and she becomes pregnant. She quits without informing Paul of her condition, and moves to a new apartment and a new job. She deposits a letter for her biological mother in the organization that arranged the adoption.

Lucy (Kerry Washington) is a baker who longs to be a mother, but cannot have children of her own. She and her husband, Joseph (David Ramsey), contact the same adoption agency and meet with a prospective mother. After a protracted interview period, the mother agrees to give the couple her baby, but changes her mind after giving birth. Lucy is devastated.

When this movie ended, both Walter & I were silent. I turned over onto my side in bed and let my tears silently fall. It was only when I heard sniffing that I realized Walter was crying to.

Wow! Just wow! What a movie.

Each of us were touched by different aspects of this film. For Walter the story within the story that affected him the most was how damaged Elizabeth was by her adoption experience. It was almost as if she went out of her way to sabotage herself and make herself unlovable. She was not an easy character to like. What I really liked about this movie is the accuracy within the story. Elizabeth is not just damaged because she is adopted, she is filled with self loathing and damaged because she lost her adopted father as a young child and never had a close relationship with her adoptive mother. I also took from the story that her adopted parents had not done a very good job of talking to her about her adoption, about explaining to her why her birth mother, Karen, had placed her. So instead of growing up with a sense of understanding of who she was and where she came from, she grew up filled with self loathing and repeating the cycle of her feelings of rejection and being unlovable.

Karen’s story really touched me. How she lived with the regret and being haunted by the placement of her daughter. How that single event set the tone for the rest of her life. Last night, as my tears flowed, I was unable to stop thinking about our birth mothers. While in reality, I know that our birth mothers live with the choice they had made and I know there must be times when it’s incredibly painful for them, to see their story played out in the movie, left me profoundly affected and even more determined to love my girls with every fiber of my being and to do what is right by them and to do my best for them always.

Lucy’s story also rang true for me, having experienced an adoption loss ourselves, that scene had me hiccuping and crying my eyes out.

I have left off a key part of the plot because there is something that happens in this film that will take your breath away and remind you to live your life with no regrets and to not wait until tomorrow to do or say something important, to not be held back by fear.

If you have adopted, are a birth mother, thinking about adoption or know someone who is thinking about or has adopted, I’d highly recommend you watch this movie. While the story is purely fiction, it portrays the beauty and the pain, the love and the cruelty of adoption perfectly.

All Screenings of this Movie:

Today we honor Irma and Robin (*) for the gifts they have given us. For choosing us. For trusting us with something so very precious.  For the privilege of being a part of your unselfish act of love. For touching our lives and forever changing who we are and how we view the world. For forming a bond of sisterhood with me, a pure and perfect bond that see’s the 3 of bound by one desire only…. to raise happy, healthy, well adjusted, responsible girls and make them strong and independent women.

With all my love & until we meet again….

(*) Not her real name.

]]> http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?feed=rss2&p=7664 2 http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=7659 http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=7659#comments Fri, 10 May 2013 14:52:18 +0000 Sharon http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=7659 read more]]> Being a mother is the most emotionally rewarding “job” a woman can have. Being a mother via adoption comes with it’s own set of unique challenges and circumstances. I’ve often tried to share those here on my blog, but I fear my attempts have fallen short.

Then today somebody sent me link to quite possibly the best written piece I’ve ever read about what is is to be a mother to an adopted child/ren. I felt proud and cried the entire way through this written piece. Aside from one or two paragraphs, almost every aspect of it is fully relevant to my own adoption experience. Full credit goes to the author of this piece, Kathy Lynn Harris.

Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,

I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.

It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.

Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.

Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.

Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?

I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.

I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.

I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.

I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.

Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.

I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.

And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.

And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.

I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.

I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.

And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.

I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.

I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.

I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.

I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.

I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.

I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?

I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.

I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.

But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.

Can I get a Woo-Ha!

All of you who have children under the age of 7 have probably seen the ad’s flighting for the new Disney Junior series starting tomorrow, Sofia the First? Ava is going through the Princess phase at the moment, her baby sister is a princess, she’s a princess, she’s having a princess party, she’s having a princess cake, she’s having a princess bedroom, you name it, everything must be princesses with her right now, so I was chuffed to receive the Disney press release pack regarding the new series, which starts tomorrow on Disney Junior, Sofia the First.

Disney will introduce its first little girl princess with the premiere of Sofia the First, an enchanting animated Disney Junior series for the whole family, at 09:00 on Saturday, 11 May. 

While Disney princess fairytales have been enchanting audiences for more than 70 years, this is the first time a series has centered on a princess as a little girl. The stories are designed to communicate positive messages and life lessons that are applicable to preschool-aged children. The series is a production of Disney Television Animation. 

Sofia the First stories are set in the storybook world of young Sofia who starts out life as a regular girl. But when her mum marries the king, she is whisked off to a glamorous, but sometimes confusing, castle world of royalty, pomp and new step-siblings, Amber and James. Sofia the First will include appearances by Fauna, Flora and Merryweather (fairies seen in Disney’s classic Sleeping Beauty) as the headmistresses of Royal Prep, the academy that Sofia, along with other princes and princesses, attends. Special event appearances will be made by classic characters including Cinderella and other Disney Princesses.

Each 22-minute episode of Sofia the First follows Sofia as she goes on an adventure and either learns some lesson herself or helps others around her learn a lesson. Like most young children, Sofia is developing her sense of self, starting to make her own decisions and exploring new things. Whether it be helping her brother James learn the importance of owning up to his mistakes or helping a shy classmate overcome her fears about speaking in public, Sofia uses her problem-solving skills and logic to help model good behaviour for young viewers at home. Sometimes Sofia finds herself looking to others for guidance. Her mother, Queen Miranda, is often the guiding voice, and every once in a while the answers to Sofia’s questions come in the form of advice from one of the classic Disney Princesses.

Throughout the series, Sofia discovers that looking like a princess isn’t all that difficult, but possessing the characteristics of a true princess – honesty, loyalty, courage, independence, compassion and grace – is what makes one truly royal. From learning to put others first when she risks missing a test in order to help the school librarian get home, to proving to herself that a princess can do anything she sets her mind to when she tries out for the all-boys flying derby horse racing team, Sofia’s adventures and experiences always teach her valuable lessons.

I love that there are moral lesson’s within each episode, that they’ve created a show that does not encourage little girls to aspire to be a spoiled little princess but rather teaches them to aspire to be more and to cultivate strong characters.

On another note, one of my childhood favorites and a real Disney classic will be airing on Disney Junior tomorrow too…. Cinderella, I’ve set our PVR to record so that Ava and I can enjoy this classic together! We’ve been signing this song together all week! Ava has even worked out her own dance moves to go with it!

]]> http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?feed=rss2&p=7653 4 http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=7647 http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=7647#comments Thu, 09 May 2013 06:27:23 +0000 Sharon http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=7647 read more]]> Yesterday Toni left the following comment on my blog:

Love reading your blog,although I’m a granny of three.What amazes me is the relationship you have with the birth mother.I suppose it depends on the circumstances surrounding the birth and the reason for her giving up her child,the fact that she doesn’t mind you writing openly and putting photo’sup ect.ect.,?

Which once again reminded me of how little people know and understand about adoption, unless you’ve experienced adoption first hand, it may seem a little confusing, so I thought I’d explain.

Adoption definition:

Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents. Unlike guardianship or other systems designed for the care of the young, adoption is intended to effect a permanent change in status and as such requires societal recognition, either through legal or religious sanction. Historically, some societies have enacted specific laws governing adoption; where others have tried to achieve adoption through less formal means, notably via contracts that specified inheritance rights and parental responsibilities without an accompanying transfer of filiation. Modern systems of adoption, arising in the 20th century, tend to be governed by comprehensivestatutes and regulations.

Practically, what this means is once the final adoption order has been issued (which states that the adoption is declared and the child shall, legally speaking, be recognized as if born from me, in other words, I am her birth mother & Walter her birth father), the adopted child is issued with a new birth certificate with our names as the biological parents and her records are sealed by the department of social services and will only be unsealed after her 18th birthday on request when/if she chooses to go in search of her birth parents.

What this literally means is that Walter and I are their parents in every sense of the word and do not need to ask anyone’s permission to write about or share information about our children. Our children are not “adopted” children, they simply are our children. We are not a family though adoption, we are simply a family. This means that I am a mother, as any other mother and Walter is a father as in any other father. We function as a family as any other family.

Because I choose to share Ava’s life with her birth mom is a testament to my great love & respect for her and has nothing to do with any legal or moral obligation. It is not required in any way.

Our path to family creation may have been different from the norm but we are still just a family like any other family, no different from your family at all.