I read a friend and fellow Mom-through-adoptions Face Book status update on Thursday and it really reminded me of how suddenly our lives and our fortunes can change. We can be down and out one minute and soaring with the eagles the next!
Charnè Trollip is driving with my miracle baby to a play date and am reminded of how great our God is. to think i was celebrating at a special friends baby shower on the saturday and was happy for her but my heart ached, monday our girl was born! how great is our GOD!
It reminded me of where I was this time a year ago….
I was still emotionally battered and bruised from our failed fresh IVF. Remember the one? The one where we got 14 embryo’s of such a quality that they “sparkled like diamonds”. The one where our embryo’s were of such high quality that all 3 of the RE’s at my clinic thought we were a shoo in for a BFP. The one where we had so many high quality embryo’s that we’d frozen 7 on day 3. Remember the one were I started to bleed 8dptrf. The one that I’d truly believed was going to work. The one that through me into such a depression I went on AD’s for a while.
In real life friends were falling pregnant left right and center and I bravely tried to congratulate them and participate in their BFP’s. Even though I was broken on the inside.
We were also tentatively starting to talk about doing a FET with the frozen embryo’s from that doomed cycle.
Remember that FET? The one and only fertility treatment I’d ever had that had resulted in a BFP. 7 pregnancies. 7 miscarriages. About 10 timed, stimulated cycles, 3 IUI’s, 5 IVF’s. And only ONE lousy BFP from fertility treatment. That one BFP that would result in my 7th miscarriage. That FET and BFP that would signal the very end of our journey with fertility treatment.
I could never have known in a million years that God was working in the back ground, that despite being as low as low could be. That our baby had already been conceived, that she was being knitted so beautifully and so perfectly for us.
All I kept saying was I wanted 2009 to be over. What a SHIT year it had been and I wanted it to end! I could NEVER have imagined that our 2009 was going to end on such a high with such a great miracle.
Its weird, in a way its like my head is only stopped spinning and reeling now, almost 8 months after the miracle. I’ve woken up out of the haze of shock at our good fortune and have looked around me and realized that all those BFP’s that I tried so hard to be happy about, tried so hard to participate in, when in fact my baby was already conceived on her way to me.
Ava will be 8 months old in two weeks. If my FET had continued on to a successful pregnancy, we’d be in the throes of those very hard early weeks with a new-born.
God is indeed good, He has been good to me!
