Aside from being at times loud and disorderly, all brought on by the volume of champers consumed, we had a blast yesterday, just what the Dr ordered. I must be honest and say, that it was a stark realization for me of two things.
Firstly that I’m still not back to my old self, although the AD’s have helped clear my mind and stopped the incessant crying, I am still extremely tense and anxious. And the second thing is just how stressed out and anxious I am. I had anxiety almost constantly through out the entire day and my back and neck are so tight and full of knots it was almost impossible for the therapists to massage me as their hands and would slip and they were unable to get a proper grip on my back and neck because of the knots and spasms. I kept having to remind myself to relax the entire day as I’d find myself lying there with an anxiety knot building in my stomach and my entire body tensed. Relaxing was a conscious decision and I had to constantly remind myself to relax my body and try and unwind.
Today, I feel extremely tender and sore, I actually woke up in the night because my back feels bruised from all the attempts and soothing the knots and spasms in my back.
A day spent with, as W refers to them, my Soul Sisters, has left me with one HUGE question mark in my mind, Do I really want to continue on this journey??