I receive emails all the time from some really interesting women. Women I don’t know, women who have not commented on my blog before, but who do read it. I LOVE receiving these emails, they really encourage me and at the same time I appreciate hearing in such a personal manner the thoughts and feelings of those walking or having walked a similar path to me. After my posting about A New Perspective, I received this beautiful, kind and encouraging email:
I read your “crossing over” post this morning and it touched me so very much. I am an avid reader of your blog but I never comment for various reasons. Mainly because I am one of those incredibly lucky ladies who beat those horrible IVF odds twice so I am scared people still in the trenches don’t really want to hear from me and/or I will inadvertently say something sounding knowitall instead of caring, plus I am shy around strangers, I don’t have a blog and I don’t express myself well in writing (am accountant after all).
But I read you because you write so beautifully and are so eloquent that you really draw people in to your story and I keep reading because I really care about you getting your happy ending and am cheering for you. As I am really for everyone stuck in the Infertility pit.
Your IF story is so painful and heartbreaking and quite different from mine that I get a deeper awareness (I hesitate to say understanding as we can never really understand anothers pain) what people in other circumstances go through. I have never suffered a stand alone miscarriage (besides multiples within a successful IVF pg) and your descriptions of those awful events and your feelings are so raw and incredibly moving.
My IF problem (besides my pcos, 1 blocked tube, endo) is/was that my husband has a genetic condition where it is impossible for his sperm to move. It was after many disappointing years with a gynae who put me on round after round of clomid (hear my bitter tone) that we even did a sperm test to find out that there was zero motility. It was so devastating to get that diagnosis and have to come to the harsh realization that natural was not an option ever. So we did IVF after IVF while I sank into a pit of depression and lost most of my friends and life and really the will to live. By this time we registered with a local social worker, made a profile, attended adoption triangle meetings and went to JHB often to meet lawyers and SW iro international adoption from Kasakstan. Eventually IVF no 6 worked and after a few more tries so did an FET.
I considered myself an IVF VET (because of the above), I read a million IF blogs, books, joined US forums before Fertilicare when there were none in SA and cried regularly on the phone to poor Tertia ‘cos it helped to know I was not the only crazy chick to do countless IVFs. BUT I guess I never really understood why people stopped fertility treatments until I read your blog. I would never be insensitive and tell a person to keep trying because it may happen but I suppose if I am honest with myself I was secretly perplexed as to why people would give up if they still wanted it desperately. Reading your blog the last few months has totally changed my mind. I GET IT now. The need for your life back, the need to self preserve, to move on. To protect yourself from another heartbreak, another failed cycle, another miscarriage – through your writing I can totally comprehend why stopping treatment is your choice now. It is mind blowing that you have even survived what you have already endured. Never mind survived with a strong marriage intact. It is just not fair!
I have no answers or assvice just a huge amount of respect and compassion for the place you are now. I am so grateful that you shared it all with us so we can have a glimpse in your life and it has enlightened me enormously and touched me deeply. This is important stuff that you are documenting and telling the www.
You seem to be the kind of person I wish I had as a friend and the kind of friend I wish I could be.
Wishing that the future holds much happiness for you.