So after a lot of thought this week, I’ve decided to try a new approach! 😉
Its actually something that I’ve been thinking about for a while and my thinking has been affirmed by two separate and totally unrelated sources this week. But to fully understand, let me start at the beginning……….
A couple of days after finding out I was pregnant the first time, I was standing in the kitchen at my then office, making Rooibos tea. One of my heavily pregnant co-workers was also making tea and I was excitedly telling her how this was my first pregnancy when she swung around and quite calmly said: “Your first pregnancy? You should be careful then, most women miscarry their first pregnancies!” It felt like somebody had slapped me, hard, in the face. The next day I woke up in a pool of blood and her words rang in my ears, I felt like I’d been cursed. Do you know the irony of the situation? She delivered a healthy baby boy a few months later. Three weeks ago, W and I were standing in Toys R Us shopping for a birthday present for our nephew and a heavily pregnant woman was standing looking at the same goodies as us and lamenting about how expensive it all was, when she turned around, I saw it was the same woman who’d “cursed” my first pregnancy. I also remember as a child and young teenager being terrified of giving birth, it really frightened me and as a result I used to think that I was going to battle to have a baby because I was so afraid of giving birth, I was so terrified of it as a child, I thought I didn’t want children. Great! There I was innocently and unknowingly speaking negative into something I’d so desperately want a few years later!
My point is that people have often said that our words don’t have that much power over our lives or over the lives of the people around us, but I’m really starting to question that theory. The longer I’ve battled infertility, the more KuKd I’ve become, the harder its been to remain optimistic and it seems the less optimistic I become the worse my fertility prognosis gets.
Sam and I had a discussion surrounding positive attitudes on Wednesday on MSN and then on Wednesday evening she popped by my house for a glass of wine and a chat. She was telling me about a discussion she’d had with her Mom & her sister on the weekend, about how Satan takes the negative we speak and manifests it in our lives. It got me thinking about how I always say: “Miracles do happen, they just don’t happen to me!”
Then Louise made the following statement to me at the end of one of her comments this week:
PS Please don’t say miracles don’t happen to you! You end up manifesting what you’re thinking… and I want for you to have that family you so desperately want. Just a thought.
Yet again, there was that statement, that I am manifesting what I’m thinking and saying.
So, after spending quite a bit of time thinking about all of this over the past few days, I’ve made a decision, its going to be tough and its going to take lots of work and lots of effort on my part, but I am going to work very hard at changing my verbal and thought processes about my life. I’m going to start thinking and speaking good into my life believing that the good that I speak and think will manifest themselves.
Then I found this amazing quote and I realized, I’m not a sprinter, I’m much more of a long distance runner. That gave me the courage to keep going despite the disappointments and to try not get so down on myself.