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A Reason, A Season, A Friendship Post

I read an interesting article sometime last week and wanted to link back to it on this post but for the life of me I now can’t find the link. The gist of the article was that friendships run in cycles and that for most people, there friendship circle will change approximately every 7 years.

I’m the kind of girl who simply cannot get by without a little help from her friends, I’ve always had girlfriends, lots of friends, lots of close friends.

Aside from my oldest friend, my room mate when I was in college and whom I’ve been friends with for 22 years, this article has really rung true for me.

Susan & Sharon

Susan and I have been through a lot together. We’ve been through the teenage angst of first loves, first marriages and first divorces. The loss of parents, turning 21, turning 30 and now turning 40. We don’t speak often and now live thousand’s of km’s apart. But whenever I’m in Cape Town, we always get together and we always pick up right where we left off as though we’ve never been apart.

When I look back at the various stages of my life, I can see how my circle of friends was influenced by the stage of life I was in. In my early 20’s I had johling buddies. Friends I partied with, friends who I shared hang overs with, heartbreaks of failed relationships, disappointments over guys who promised to call and then never did.

Then I got married and my circle of friends changed and following my divorce my circle of friends changed again. After I moved to Jo’burg, my circle of friends once again changed. Then I started to struggle with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss and Walter and I went through a lonely time of no friendships, just the two of us as all of our friends were starting families and there was no longer the right, or comfortable fit.

It took sometime but once again we established a new circle of friends, infertile friends, friends who understood us and our journey. After Ava-Grace’s placement, we once again had to establish a new circle of friends, once again finding ourselves not fitting with our then current circle of friends.

Some of the cycles of friendship did not just end, some of them fizzled out and just faded away, others ended abruptly and painfully.

All of these friendship cycles mentioned above ran in 7 year increments. Of course there are friendships that have withstood the sands of time, have upheld under new or differing circumstances, like my friendship with Susan and a handful of other friends from my 20’s and my 30’s and friends from my years of infertility, Elize and Chantal.

Elize Sharon Chantal
My social schedule has been very busy the last few week’s and this weekend, while enjoying a boozy Sunday afternoon lunch, I was struck by how blessed I am to be moving into a new friendship cycle. Through Ava and her school, I’ve made some new and amazing friends.
Interesting friends, mommy friends, goth friends, tattoo’d friends, mothering post infertility friends, editor friends, journalist friends, SAHM friends & expat’s living in SA friends.
Again I find myself in a new season of friendship and I’m feeling so truly blessed for the people who surround me and who make sober evenings entertaining or boozy lunches enjoyable.
So a reason, a season or a lifetime? It doesn’t really matter too me, what matters is the here and the now and enjoying life in this moment and with these friends.

 

 

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5 Comments

  • Reply Sian

    You are absolutely right. We are in a stage of adjustment at the moment. Making a new set of friends post infertility.

    July 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
  • Reply cat@jugglingact

    SO very true – seasons for friends, but some stay forever

    July 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm
  • Reply Melinda

    Family stays for the Winter….acquaintance pitch up in Summer..and friends see you through the Spring and Autumn

    July 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    Sharon your open heart and spirit makes it very easy to want to be friends with you. And being with your awesome family makes it pretty amazing too.

    July 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm
  • Reply Lisa-Marie

    I suppose it’s a 7-year itch. I’ve not had many Besties and I’m not that much a part of our usual crew of friends, so I have nothing to back what you say. BUT it does make alot of sense, because I’ve experienced it in my relationship with Travers. I’d heard about it before, but thought it was a farce. It’s not.
    I do hope that I get to be your friend for 77 years. At least.
    xo

    August 2, 2012 at 9:48 am
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