I read an interesting article sometime last week and wanted to link back to it on this post but for the life of me I now can’t find the link. The gist of the article was that friendships run in cycles and that for most people, there friendship circle will change approximately every 7 years.
I’m the kind of girl who simply cannot get by without a little help from her friends, I’ve always had girlfriends, lots of friends, lots of close friends.
Aside from my oldest friend, my room mate when I was in college and whom I’ve been friends with for 22 years, this article has really rung true for me.
Susan and I have been through a lot together. We’ve been through the teenage angst of first loves, first marriages and first divorces. The loss of parents, turning 21, turning 30 and now turning 40. We don’t speak often and now live thousand’s of km’s apart. But whenever I’m in Cape Town, we always get together and we always pick up right where we left off as though we’ve never been apart.
When I look back at the various stages of my life, I can see how my circle of friends was influenced by the stage of life I was in. In my early 20’s I had johling buddies. Friends I partied with, friends who I shared hang overs with, heartbreaks of failed relationships, disappointments over guys who promised to call and then never did.
Then I got married and my circle of friends changed and following my divorce my circle of friends changed again. After I moved to Jo’burg, my circle of friends once again changed. Then I started to struggle with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss and Walter and I went through a lonely time of no friendships, just the two of us as all of our friends were starting families and there was no longer the right, or comfortable fit.
It took sometime but once again we established a new circle of friends, infertile friends, friends who understood us and our journey. After Ava-Grace’s placement, we once again had to establish a new circle of friends, once again finding ourselves not fitting with our then current circle of friends.
Some of the cycles of friendship did not just end, some of them fizzled out and just faded away, others ended abruptly and painfully.
All of these friendship cycles mentioned above ran in 7 year increments. Of course there are friendships that have withstood the sands of time, have upheld under new or differing circumstances, like my friendship with Susan and a handful of other friends from my 20’s and my 30’s and friends from my years of infertility, Elize and Chantal.