This new path is very different to the path I was previously on. Its hard to explain, but its like there has been a fundamental shift in my thinking since embarking on this journey. Especially now that we know we’re under consideration by a birth mom. And no, before everyone starts asking again, we haven’t heard anything. I did receive an email from our SW yesterday confirming they’d received the balance of our paperwork and that our profile is perfect and shouldn’t be altered at all. Our SW feels that our profile, as is, brings fourth the warmth that both W and I portray. I thought it was a really nice thing of her to say, I like that we come across that way. She also told us to hang in there, that she knows its tough to be patient, but that the BM still had our profile and we were still under consideration. Even though that isn’t an answer, it has helped to keep my hope alive.
Its odd that since embarking on this journey I’ve allowed my mind to wander into places it hasn’t wandered to in a very long time. I’ve started thinking about my baby shower! I’ve received emails of love and support from so many readers and almost all of them have mentioned baby showers and not once has that made me feel jinxed, as it would have in the past. I’ve received emailed lists from about 3 friends detailing shopping lists of things we have to buy for our baby. I’ve walked into shops and actually stopped to look at the baby products and clothing. Something I never did before as it was just too painful, I can now wander in there and allow my mind to wander……….
I’ve even started thinking about starting to buy some of the things on the baby list. For those of you who don’t know me personally, you have no idea how totally HUGE that is for me! Before I wouldn’t allow myself to buy anything and I wouldn’t allow the people closest to me to buy things for our baby either, even with all the pregnancies, I threatened my friends to within an inch of their lives if they even mentioned buying something for our baby.
But its different now. I’m starting to get comfortable with the whole expectant mum thing. It feels good to be excited and not terrified. Of course, I’m realistic and know that perhaps this time it won’t work out, but I do believe that our quick match bodes well for future matches as well.
Its no longer a question of IF for me, it was ALWAYS a question of IF when I was doing treatment. If I get pregnant. If I carry to term. If I give birth to a live baby. If I’m mother one day. Its different now. Its become a question of when… the possibilities are boundless………