Jenny from Your Parenting sent me a link via Twitter a couple of days ago. I really loved what Katie has to say in her post titled Introducing a Metaphorical Adoption Maternity Portrait Series. I really think she hit the nail on the head with this statement:
And it seems like one big part of being adoptive parents, no matter to whom, is having to play the role of benevolent public educator to an ignorant public who will take the existence of your children as some kind of personal challenge or display of moral one-upmanship.
I really do agree with that statement. It would seem that each and every parent I know who has adopted has a responsibility, whether wanted or not, to play a role in educating the general public about adoption.
It is a big responsibility and at times it weighs heavily on me and I’m sure on all parents through adoption. The biggest challenge I have found is that there is a sector of the general public who appear to want to be educated on the subject of adoption but refuse to hear or acknowledge what is told to them.
If I had a “special needs” child, a child with a physical disability or a mental disability, it would be far easier for the general populist to acknowledge that parenting that child comes with it’s own unique and special challenges. The same can not be said about parenting a child through adoption. While it DOES come with it’s own challenges, pit falls and difficult area’s to navigate, I’ve often found that people tend to be dismissive of these challenges. I’ve witnessed this with my own family and friends and with readers of my blog.
I’m certainly not asking for anyone to pity me, all parents have their crosses to bare, but I would so appreciate it if more people would acknowledge that parenting through adoption does come with it’s own unique set of challenges, worries and concerns.
Nobody likes to have their fears and concerns dismissed, the same can be said about parenting a child through adoption. I have many concerns that I’ve blogged about in the past, I fear Ava growing up with abandonment issues, I worry about her questioning her self worth and lacking a sense of identity. I worry that one day her meeting with her BP’s will hurt her as I’ve read on a lot of adoption blogs that often the meeting with BP’s doesn’t always live up to the expectation of the adopted child, I’m most concerned about if/when she chooses to meet her BF and what the repercussions of that will be. I worry about the long term effect of her post placement trauma. I worry about her being hurt by ignorant people and comments surrounding her somewhat unique circumstances.
There are no words, and nor do I want any words of comfort, I don’t want my fears dismissed because they are very real to me and I’m sure to most parents through adoption.
I don’t want platitudes, I don’t want my circumstance compared with parents who are parenting their own biological children.
What I’d love is simple really. I’d simply love to have my fears and our challenges acknowledged.
P.S. I’m SO going to do a beach ball faux maternity shoot as done on JeJune’s blog! Awesome! I had such a good giggle at that!