I’ve been the mother of our miracle adoption angel for just shy of 10 months now. And I suppose the one thing that has surprised me the most, is people’s ignorance towards our circumstances.
I guess because I grew up with two adopted cousins, perhaps I’m more open to the situation, or had a better understanding of it. But its been my experience over the past few months that the vast majority of people out there simply don’t get it!
We did not adopt in an attempt to care for a child until our “own” child came along. We did not adopt as a temporary solution to a problem. We did not adopt so that we could raise someone elses child. There is this massive misconception out there that I still yearn for a child of my “own”. That I still yearn for the pregnancy experience.
It really irritates & insults me when people feel the need to encourage me or pity me because I don’t have a child of my “own”. I hate the sentiment of “don’t give up, it will happen!” WTF!! It already DID happen!
Ava is my own. She is my child! I am her mother! Walter is her father! She couldn’t have been any more my child if I’d birthed her myself. I don’t look longingly at other women’s pregnant bellies. I feel no desire or yearning for that at all. I don’t for one second feel I missed out on something. For me pregnancy brings up only negative emotions = FEAR! ANXIETY! I did not embark on this 7 year journey to pregnancy, I embarked on a 7 year journey to motherhood!
I am completley at peace with the way our situation played out in the end. I am a mother, Walter is a father, we have a baby, we are raising a child.
Sometimes I feel people place FAR too much emphasis on pregnancy, while I get that it can be a wonderful experience for some women, it does not qualify one as a mother, it is a short term condition to a long term relationship. What matters is what happens after the pregnancy. That is where the life long miracle will occur. That is where the most beautiful and powerful love will develop, that is where the joy and the laughter that last a lifetime come from.
Pregnancy is 9 months, motherhood is forever.
I also wish people would realize what an insult it is to Ava when they “encourage” me.