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Am I Able?

For a while now, I’ve been thinking about this, I know I’ve blogged about similar topics in the past, but this thought keeps coming back to me and I’m starting to wonder……..

This holiday in Cape Town and then this Sunday spent with my MIL, SIL and her two kids, just reconfirmed this thought in my head. This thought causes me some confusion surrounding how to proceed. Its probably going to sound incredibley selfish and when I share it, its probably going to make me sound incredibly shallow and perhaps its not even a genuine thought, perhaps, its just a protection mechanism to protect my aching heart from further hurt. So I’m going to share the thought here, for those of you with children, please don’t judge me to harshly, I’ve never experienced parenthood so this is just an opinion and for those of you battling infertility, try not to judge me too harshly, because I suspect that there is a possibility that this is genuinely just a protection mechanism.

Ok, so here it is: The more time I spend with family and friends who have children, the more I realize how privileged my life is. Does that sound awful? Do I sound shallow and superficial? Should I explain? Well here’s the thing, I live in a lovely house, we have really nice furniture in our home, none of which gets jumped on, messed on, vomited on etc etc etc. I have as much quiet time/personal space as I want, I do whatever I want, whenever I want and the only person I have to consider is W. We go away on holiday regularly, we’re planning an overseas holiday. I drive a luxury car, I go to the spa at least twice a year, I have beauty treatments every single month, I get my hair done every single month. I allocate a portion of my salary for buying clothes, bags, shoes and accessories every month. I get at least 7 full hours of sleep every night, I can sleep late every weekend, I can work overtime whenever I want. We eat out at least once a week with no consideration given other than what we’re in the mood for. I can watch whatever I want on TV and that NEVER includes Cartoon Network to CeeBeeBee (or whatever its called).

On the whole, on reflection, I have a really really great life, sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if I want to give it all up for children? I feel conflicted. Just yesterday I told W that we should postpone our FET planned for July in order to make our planned overseas trip to Australia and New Zealand sooner without having to worry about the inconvenience of an FET. I have to wonder, if I’m thinking like this, do I really want a child? I’m tempted to choose an overseas holiday over an FET, over the chance of having a baby.

I also know, that despite the fact that none of our family or friends would give up their children, that they do look at the lifestyle W and I have with a sense of longing. I suppose the same way that I look at their children with a sense of longing.

I guess the biggest question I need to answer for myself is, were I too have a baby, would I be able to adapt to the selfless life of motherhood? Would I be happy? I turn 37 next month, have I not perhaps lived too much of my life in this manner, will I be able to adapt? Or do I try to appease myself with the thoughts of my privileged life in order to avoid dealing with the pain of infertility. I simply don’t know.

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27 Comments

  • Reply Sue

    Wow, it could be me writing that. Yes I understand exactly what you are saying, sometimes I wonder if I really actually want my life turned upside down, I am so used to it the way it is now. Doing what we want when we want.

    However, one day if and when we finally do get pg, I’m sure that at the end of the day the “inconvenience factor” will be far outweighed by the rewards of parenthood. And if I never get there? Then I will enjoy my life, and all the privilege that comes with it.

    No Sharon, you are not selfish at all. You are living the hand that you have been dealt, and there should be no guilt in that. Enjoy it!

    May 5, 2009 at 8:39 am
  • Reply Invivo

    Dude, you will cope! I know you will. But your points are valid. There is a lot of good to be found in not having children as well, but you and I both know those things will never fill a certain and very specific longing.

    I suppose the real art is appreciating what you have and being truthful to yourself in the present. It’s perfectly sane to look at your life and appreciate the good things as opposed to looking at what’s lacking all the time.

    I think a lot of CNBC ladies find it hard to move ahead with their lives because they feel guilty for expressing what you just have, and you have every right to.

    You have every right to choose this way of being and indulging in it just as those who are parents indulge in their own brand of happiness. It’s part of making a concious choice to be happy with your own circumstance.

    May 5, 2009 at 8:48 am
  • Reply Jules

    I totally agree about living in the moment. Enjoy every minute of all those amazing things you are able to do. But when you are a mom – and you will be – you all of a sudden don’t give a flying f*** if your pristine furniture is dirty or you know all the Tweenies by heart. Humans are adaptable and you will be too but there are pros and cons to both situations. I still think you’ll be a mom and you will have days (like me and everyone really) when you wondered what the hell you did this for.

    May 5, 2009 at 9:02 am
  • Reply Murgdan

    I think about this all the time…but I think it’s only because we made it far enough TO think about it, and most of the population gets pregnant on accident and never has the thought cross their mind. I’ve always asked myself this….I guess since we were ‘late’ deciders in the ‘let’s have a baby’ world.

    ….they say it’s different when they’re your own. But I actually have a video I’m going to post this week that my husband made of me in a restaurant when i thought I would turn around and throw someone else’s kids out the window with all the shrieking and jumping around…

    I don’t know. But I’m on my way to ER in 30 minutes…so I guess I’ll stop questioning it….

    I understand.

    May 5, 2009 at 11:01 am
  • Reply WiseGuy

    When one is single, one is worried about finding the right partner…and then we get married and harp on the good old days of being single.

    Sharon, I have whispered similar things on my blog…. (100th post specifically), and I know that given all the freedom that goes along with mine, I still want to have kids….

    You know if I would just ‘finally’ know that I will never have children…I could become even more aggressive with my career. I have been secretly harbouring a desire to take an overseas teaching assignment once my PhD is over. If I have kids, I would not be able to do it at all…atleast not till my kids are like 10 years old or something (and the elders of the family will still curse me for abandonment)…

    Life can’t wait….how can we really decide how much we like it unless we don’t get it?

    I have taken care of several infants over the years…sometimes for 15 minutes, sometimes for almost an year. I can competently change diapers and make the feeding bottle ready…I have cleaned baby poo.

    I think I want to be in the ttc pool still….see how much heat I can take.

    Financially, DH and me are more comfortable than my BIL and SIL. My SIL quit her job to take care of the baby, reducing their monthly income further…but they have a kid and we don’t. But I am not going to carry any guilt for that.

    (BTW, I have atrocious furniture and I am not being modest, and DH tells me…we don’t need it coz we hardly spend time at home.)

    May 5, 2009 at 11:14 am
  • Reply Mands

    There are pros and cons to both situations, only you can decide which will make you happiest in the long run.
    Humans are remarkable, and can adapt to any situation if they have to.
    But I say go on the overseas holiday, it will be something you’ll always have, just the two of you, if you wait and go with a baby, it will not be the same. It’s a long way to go, you guys will have great holidays as a family at the beach or the Cape, but overseas is so romantic!

    May 5, 2009 at 11:28 am
  • Reply Mel

    Sharon, if you weren’t willing to give up the fortuis life you have you would not even consider having children. from reading your blog regularly and hearing the pain, and heartache you go through day after day, month after month is proof that you would give up just about anything to hold your own baby and see that baby grow up to be a wonderful, strong, and independent person.
    I dont think your selfish, i just think as you said at the beginning you are putting up a protection mechanism, a wall around your heart, to prevent heartache, and you know what, there is nothing wrong with that, there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself.

    May 5, 2009 at 11:33 am
  • Reply Rach

    Ohhhh been here more times than I can count, especially in the last 18 months or so.

    I look around our home and wonder the same things, out loud to D and he agrees. Yes we’d love a child of our own but at the same time, we are free to do as we please (well kinda we still have the furbabies to consider). Have alot of spare cash, D has just bought his second motorbike which he defo couldn’t have done if we had a child.

    Whereabouts in OZ are you planning on heading too?

    xxxx

    p.s. I vote for the holiday!

    May 5, 2009 at 1:57 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    I hear you – but you can and will change your ideas and way of thinking once you are pregnant. (Remember – you are pregnant for 9 months, so you do have time to get your head around that fact!)
    I know you’ve heard it all before – but other peoples brats are not the same as your own brats! It doesn’t feel like hard work or that you are giving up something when they are yours.
    You are not a selfish person – and you will be the least selfish with your own kids one day!
    My assvice, for what its worth – do the FET AND start planning your overseas vacation! If you get the +ve result from the FET, you are hardly going to mind cancelling that holiday! x

    May 5, 2009 at 2:03 pm
  • Reply SassyCupcakes

    I know what you mean. Lately I’ve been thinking, I know we want to be parents and have the experience of raising a child, but do we actually want a baby and all that comes with it? We’ve spent so long focusing on it, I just wonder if it’s still something we really actually want in our lives and if our life now (instead of four years ago) is something we want to compromise. That’s not to say I don’t think having children would be worth it all, I just wonder if it’s something we actually want to do.

    For us, right now we still want it enough to try to adopt. But these thoughts are also what makes me feel good about the possibility of living child free.

    May 5, 2009 at 2:05 pm
  • Reply samcy

    Not selfish at all, in fact I think that we all feel this way at a given time. I babysat my friends twins on Friday last week and the first thing I thought when I walked into their home to do it “their house is SUCH a mess”, but honestly? I would give everything to have that mess – will it cause my anal retentive mind some discomfort? Hell yes, but I still want it.

    I also think that too often we consider how we are going to have to “change” for our children when I think we should focus on how they will adapt to our lives. Sure things are going to change but not necessarily as much as we think.

    GREAT post yet again.

    xxx

    May 5, 2009 at 2:50 pm
  • Reply loribeth

    Look at it this way — most people just go off & have kids with very few obstacles (if any), and very little thought about their motivation & readiness to be parents. Those of us in this community put ourselves though so much in pursuit of something that comes so easily to the vast majority of the population. I think it’s completely normal to stand back & wonder whether everything we put ourselves through will be worth it in the end, particularly when there are absolutely no guarantees of success.

    Enjoy the perqs that life without children has to offer you — whether you decide to continue pursuing a family or to remain childless/free. Absolutely nothing will ever “compensate” for the lack of a family… but there have to be SOME good things to help fill that gap & bring pleasure to our lives!

    People who think we are “selfish” have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

    May 5, 2009 at 3:14 pm
  • Reply charne

    great post, i often wonder this tooo…. but i think the longer we wait for our children the longer we have to worry and wonder about everything… we will adapt to motherhood and it will be awesome

    xxx

    May 5, 2009 at 3:26 pm
  • Reply Adi

    Oh, laugh, yes, I feel like that all the time. We have a great situation – eight hours sleep for one. Spare CASH (not lots, and its overdraft, but still) is another. And TIME. And SLEEP. And. And. And. I need my sleep, you know. I sometimes talk to my cat and smooch her while she purrs her heart out, and then I think, will I ever have time to do this simple pleasure if there was a baby around? Did I mention the sleep.

    Yes, I sometimes wonder what on earth am I thinking. But I tell myself, I just have to get through the first three weeks. Or ok, six months. Wait, make that two years. frack what about teenage years. OK I just have to wait for the age between six and nine when they’re really perfect, and after they leave the house, and hope that will make up for all the sleepless nights I know they will cause!!!!

    You have to love what you are doing NOW, so take all those selfish pleasures and suck them up. 🙂

    May 5, 2009 at 4:54 pm
  • Reply S

    Leave it to you to say what we’ve all thought at some time or the other!! Its true. Generalising, people without kids do have more fun, they travel more, their houses are impeccable…and generally, get laid more than people with kids.

    Its not selfish at all to want to trade an FET in for a trip to Oz – I mean, with an FET nothing’s guaranteed (as DH likes to say) whereas with a trip, you may be getting those final “few” trips in before/when you have a child, if you know what I mean!

    I’ve often thought about this. At best, I’m a solitary person. I don’t like other people’s children much. How will I adapt when I have a baby who needs attention all the time?

    The bottom line is, in my belief only, when you want something bad enough, you make allowances in your lifestyle. So what if I dont get to spend as much time playing pc games? So what if my child becomes annoying as he/she gets older and learns to throw tantrums. The trade off is staring at my theoretical baby or playing with him/her. Its the old end justifies the means argument I have with myself. What do I want out of life? Do I want a balance? Do I really want kids – until about 3 years ago, I didnt! Is my career paramount? Well, it was until our daughter died. Things change. Life changes you. You know?

    Very thought provoking post. I’ve been thinking about this late last year…

    S

    May 5, 2009 at 4:59 pm
  • Reply Lori

    My husband and I took a very touristy boat ride this weekend. Trying to stay in the shade we were moving around the large boat and ended up where some kids were. One kid was walking around proclaiming at the top of his lungs over and over, “Chicken Butt!” Later we were in another area and a cute little girl who I saw earlier in trip was up running around like the energy in her body was going to cause her to explode. My husband and I were sitting by the edge watching pelicans dive into the water and enjoying a nice long talk. It was at that moment hearing the mother try to wrestle the girl behind us that I thought to myself do I really want that? I could feel the stress in the mom 20 feet away from her. I was having a nice relaxing day with my husband. There was no stress, no problems, and everything was calm. Having a kid will change that quiet. Sure, maybe, I think in my ignorance and naivety that I will know better than to give a kid sugary soda on a 1 1/2 hour cruise. I will know how to engage a child in watching the pelicans, exploring the three levels of the boat, counting games and so forth. I think I won’t have the kids running in circles screaming, “Chicken Butt!!!” But maybe I will. And maybe I’ll think why did I do this? In that situation it’s easily to forget those lonely days and how they get to you. Days when I’m sitting around thinking about my future, thinking about holidays like Halloween and Christmas, thinking about growing old and not having grown kids to talk to or grandkids to enjoy. I think about little moments that I wish I had a little one to share it with or teach things to, teach them Beatles songs or what kind of birds are in our backyard. I think these are normal feelings. I think they may in a way be some sort of coping mechanism, something to help us when we feel so desperately empty about not having kids, we get something to help us get through it.

    May 5, 2009 at 5:07 pm
  • Reply C

    I think many of us have though this many times, I know I have and I often say how blest I am with what I have in my life and I am thankful for it but I know that should we be blest with children, we will welcome all that it brings with it, we will give up the life we have now in a heartbeat. But for me I also know that if it does not happen, I will be OK!

    May 5, 2009 at 6:02 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    Any parent who is honest will admit there are days when they desperately miss all those wonderful things you have. Your questioning is normal and I think it is often a self protective mechanism.

    May 5, 2009 at 6:28 pm
  • Reply Elize

    OK so I normally like to read through all the comments first before posting, but good grief there are some essays here! *wink*. So I’ll read it later.

    But, I have no doubt in my mind that you *will* cope. You will cope with every poopy diaper, vomit on the couch, vomit on your work clothes, and I can totally see you as a crazy lioness who will annihilate every breathing being that even considers giving your little one the hairy eye ball if they should be a little roudy. I can totally see you so immersed in being a mommy that for a couple of years it wouldn’t bother you a wee bit that people might be snickering behind your back when your house is untidy or smelly, and your lovely house is disorderly and not so lovely anymore.

    But.

    We all know that parenting isn’t for everyone. There are some people who simply cannot cope with being parents. Every poopy diaper and projectile vomit and night feeds are met with such disdain that it’s impossible to guess why they never had themselves sterilised in the 1st place. So yes, it could be a protection thing or it could be instinct, but my guess?? It’s a protection thing. You’ve been through a lot and I have a feeling that your 4th IVF might have caused more damage than you allow yourself to believe.

    And as Kristin said any parent worth their weight in gold will admit that they long for the days that they can just lie in, have a coffee while reading the Sunday newspaper at their leisure. Or go out without organising and in some cases begging your MIL or mom to babysit for just a few hours of uninterrupted conversation, or having any adult conversation at all. Just as we long for a baby. A deep longing, that at times confuses us and hurts us more than anything else on earth. But we do have an advantage, we’ve had years of enjoying ourselves, doing as we please, going on holidays, where some people have children before they were even ready, they may have only had a few years to build on their relationships or less, but we’ve had all the time we wanted and needed.

    I’d say go on that holiday, postpone your FET, like Mands said, you will always have family holidays, but that one overseas holiday without children will be something that you can truly enjoy and reminisce over for years to come! Just the two of you. Being without children is romantic, there’s no doubt about that. You do romantic things, go out to dinner, enjoy fab parties with your friends, have sex without abandon, no waiting till the kids are asleep or forever worrying that someone might hear. It’s great!

    OK have to stop now before I convince myself I don’t actually want children. But you get my drift? Only you can make that decision, and maybe now is not the right time. Maybe now you just need to be kind to yourself and do the things you truly enjoy. You will know when you are ready, you will know without a shadow of a doubt whether you really want children or not, and no one would be able to convince you otherwise. Just the fact that you are wondering whether having children is the right thing for you shows me that you are not ready to make that decision. Give yourself time. You will know soon enough what path you’d really like to follow in life.

    May 5, 2009 at 7:50 pm
  • Reply stacey

    I may be repeating stuff that has already been said in these many comments! I think it’s great to have things that you enjoy TODAY, while you don’t have children. I, too, love having my house clean and in order, sleeping in, and being able to spend so much time with my hubby – especially going on spontaneous vacations. BUT, I know that these are things I enjoy right now while my heart longs for children. I’m not saying I’ll have to give all of that up (well, maybe the sleeping late!), but I will be willing to make changes and sacrifices when the time comes.

    Definitely don’t feel guilty or selfish for enjoying your life as it is right now! Your pursuit of having a baby certainly proves that it’s something that your heart truly desires. I believe that when that day comes, you’ll be ready to make the necessary adjustments. Life can be great and fun and fulfilling for you now just like it will be then!

    May 5, 2009 at 9:33 pm
  • Reply Annie

    I totally hear you – and in some ways I think it is an instinctive protective mechanism that such thoughts occur in case it never does happen – yesterday… the smile was wiped off when we found out yesterday at our 8 week scan there was no heartbeat. The size of the “thing” was at the right size for the time period so it must have decided in the last day or so that entering the world as a one eyed Cyclops wasn’t acceptable after all and that it was best to opt out early. As you can imagine I am devastated – and my hubbu is upset too – but hey we will just have to pick ourselves up, regroup and move on to get ready to go through it all again later this year. At least we know it can work as do you! In the meantime we have to have things to look forward too and a different focus – so yes holidays are great to plan and have and I will now be planning one! Enjoy your trip!!!!!!

    May 6, 2009 at 12:56 am
  • Reply Lea White

    Let’s be honest:
    Having kids is hard work. It is constant hard work. Every day from 6am we are running around for them all the way until probably around 8 or 9pm (2 days a week Caitlyn is in daycare and then I have a few hours to myself). It isn’t the romantic thing people often think it is because babies and children are not always smiley and happy and they don’t always do things according to the book. Those 2am or 3am or 4am wake-ups, that’s tough (and Caitlyn still likes to wake up once a night around 3am). You write about kids jumping on furniture and messing and I’d have to say that yes, that is true! We often negotiate whether we will watch Winnie-the-Pooh (for the 100th time) or Barbie (for the 90th time) and “no Caitlyn, it is Bianca’s turn right now, you already had a turn!”

    You talk about going out whenever you want to, planning big holidays and I’d have to say that yes, we don’t have those kind of situations at the moment or at least not without a lot of planning. We do the best we can, but a lot of the planning have to revolve around the child and their routines (despite how a lot of parents say they will never fit their lives around their child’s the child has to fit theirs around the parent’s life – I bet a lot of those parents have kids who do not have a great routine).

    Suddenly school zones and child care influence where you live, whether it is financially viable to go back to work.. And it is expensive. Our weekly grocery bill could be around $20 – $30 a week cheaper if it wasn’t for nappies and dry nites (and if we had to buy formula, add another estimated $26 a tin of formula).

    But in saying that, there are a lot of very good and very rewarding things about kids too, the way their faces light up when they see you, their unconditional love. How they don’t care what you look like, what you sound like when you sing. How they smile when you stick their artwork on the fridge and we get loads of love letters from Bianca regularly. Okay not so much fun at 6am in the morning when Caitlyn calls out “I want you Mommy, get up mommy, I want you now” and you wish they come with snooze buttons so you can get just 5 minutes more sleep 🙂 Yes, I do sometimes long for the life I had before kids, I would lie if I said I didn’t, but I’m also very happy with the life I have now and I don’t mourn the life I left behind, life is too short for that :-).

    Remember that you will cope whichever direction you end up going. And we all adjust to our current situation regardless of what we had before or what we thought we’d have. Your priorities and mindset fit in with where you are at in your life and it will change as your circumstances change.

    Before Bianca got sick I had all these plans for my career. I was quite career driven. We lived life in the fast-lane, and then Bianca got sick and I was forced to put my work plans on hold. At first it was devastating. I saw my life as empty, it seemed like I was suddenly a “nothing”, I mourned the job I had to put on hold (2 days before Bianca was admitted I was offered the perfect job, but had to give it up). But I had to pull myself together. This was going to be my life for around 2.5 years. I definitely did not enjoy staying at home, but at some point, very gradually I became used to it and now I quite enjoy it too. I don’t actually mourn the life I had before. Suddenly we learned to slow down, that there is more to life than having that job (of course one of us needs a job so that we can live at least), but suddenly I don’t mind not having a job. I’m considering other opportunities for me that might happen in the hopefully near future, things I never considered before, but I’ve learned that I need to be patient. And this is what you will find that your mindset will follow where you are going (even if initially it is tough).

    And so if you end up choosing not to go ahead with any further treatments, then I believe that you will be able to enjoy the life you have because there are a lot of benefits and good things about that too and it is rewarding.

    And if you choose further treatment and finally have your miracle, then you will adjust and you will even be happy to give up the freedom you had before, because it offers different things and you will still be able to do the things you did and have the things you had, but would just need to do a bit more planning or maybe put some of that on hold until the time is right.

    I think a break might be good, you’ve had a really tough time! That visit you plan might be just what you need right now and then once you’ve had a break, maybe then you’d like to look at your treatment options again, or maybe you decide that you are happy with things the way they are. So whatever you choose in the end, I do believe that you will feel it is right for you! And it will be right, because you will adjust your mindset to fit in with it.

    So do let me know when you guys plan to come and visit. I absolutely would love to catch up with you.

    And finally: Just remember that when we look at our own lives we often compare it to others. Ultimately we all have blessings and we all have challenges regardless of our situations and it is not selfish to notice the blessings you have and enjoy it. You work hard, you’ve earned it and you deserve it. By putting your dream on hold for a little while does not mean you have given up on the dream. It just means that you have a different priority or focus for now and that is all good. When you build a puzzle, you see different aspects at different times. And sometimes you are looking for a specific piece and you just can’t find it, so you are forced to look at other pieces and then when you look at the other pieces your focus and priorities change, but ultimately the puzzle will be complete – and that is what our lives are like.

    Hugs as always!!!! (Sorry for the very long comment)

    May 6, 2009 at 1:56 am
  • Reply Elsie

    Honestly, I think the happiest people are those who wanted children, and had them and those who never wanted children and never had them.

    Children bring a different quality to life. Whether or not that quality is desirable, is completely relative.

    However, from personal experience I do know that just as people often err in searching for a partner to ‘make them whole’, some woman often land up burdening an innocent child with the same heavy, unfair and sometimes cruel expectation. I lived under such a mother and it was exhausting.

    Personally, I am really happy with not having any. But then, it is by choice.

    May you be blessed with your true heart’s desire

    xxx

    May 6, 2009 at 7:14 am
  • Reply Denise

    Go on holiday!!! If you are even harbouring a smidgen of doubt you aren’t ready for FET and if you do it with that teeny bit of doubt its a MASSIVE waste of money. When you get back from your hols you’ll most likely be ready to jump back on the ttc wagon.

    I’ve taken more than a year off from ivf since my last m/c and still don’t feel ready to go again, that doesn’t mean i’ve given up i’m just waiting until i feel like i’m ready.

    Anyway, imagine if the FET does work, you’ll have many years to wait until you can go to oz and nz…

    Whatever you do DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP about the way you feel. Us ttc’ers walk such a long and difficult path that it is absolutely ok for our emotions to be up and down. Tomorrow you may walk past a baby shop and feel like running straight to your FS!

    May 6, 2009 at 9:22 am
  • Reply Hayley

    Hey Sharon,

    Havent stopped by for a while, being babysitting my sisters three boys for the past two weeks. Which is exactly why I am commenting. I nearly passed out when I read this post, because right now this is exactly how i am feeling. In fact I blogged about it yesterday aswell (great minds hey?) Except mine was more about how hard work it is. Dont get me wrong I dont mind hard work, but these past weeks have made me realise just how mentally and physical draining it is being a parent, and I have actually questioned do I really want this. I love my life like it is now…..also feel very selfish saying that.

    Anyway this is a long comemnt, just to say I totally get you!!!!!!

    May 6, 2009 at 10:29 am
  • Reply dee

    Oh my word, I could have written this post myself. I totally get what you are saying and I think it aswell. Havent come up with any conclusions…

    May 6, 2009 at 10:54 am
  • Reply 0pt1mu5

    I do indeed get what you’re saying… and I too haven’t come up with conclusions.

    I’m wondering whether if I known about my infertility before I got married I woulda still gotten married, or at least to DW (who’s becoming atheistic now that she can’t have a baby).

    Forget about babies – that harley’s looking awfully tempting now.

    May 23, 2009 at 7:05 pm
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