Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they date, they get married, at some point they start talking about starting a family and at some point they start trying for a family. A month or two or three or perhaps a little longer passes and then one day they receive the joyful news that they are pregnant. Some of them may have to suffer through the grief and sadness of one or two miscarriages and then finally, their dream of a family is realized when they give birth and they all live happily ever after (well not exactly but you get the picture)….
But in all seriousness, that is how it goes for most couples, I know this is a seriously simplified version of course, but for most people the choice to start a family is a simple one. We all know what to do to make a baby and what the considerations are and once we’ve considered everything, the trying in earnest begins and at some point, we will have a baby. But for 10% of the population this is not the case.
For 10% of the population will be faced with the humiliation of thousands of tests, most of them invasive in ways that one can never imagine. We will discuss our sex lives, in detail, with strangers, we will try every lotion and potion and quack in an attempt to achieve the allusive dream of parenthood. We will have our hopes and dreams crushed, time and again, as we watch from the sidelines as our family and friends successfully start families or increase the size of their families. We will scrimp and scrape in an attempt to save for the endless rounds of invasive and hideously expensive fertility treatments. Some of us will have success and some of us will not.
Of the 10% of the population that will battle to conceive an even smaller percent is made up of people like me…………. with every miscarriage a woman has, her chances of having a successful pregnancy increase by 50% that is till she hits her 3rd miscarriage, from miscarriage number 3, her chances of a successful pregnancy decrease with each impending miscarriage, not great odds for someone who has had 7 miscarriages and a number of chemical pregnancies. The success rate, per attempt, of a stimulated, timed cycle are around 20 – 25%, we did in the region of 10+ timed stimulated cycle, none of which ever resulted in a positive pregnancy. The success rate for IUI is in the region of 25%, we did 3 of these, not one ever resulted in a positive pregnancy. The success rates for an IVF are in the region of 40 – 45%, we did 5 of these, only one resulted in a positive pregnancy which miscarried at 6 weeks.
Adoption is not an easy option either, once again, ones life is put under a microscope and analyzed by strangers, because we cannot conceive and have a child by conventional methods, we first have to prove that we are worthy and fit parents, unlike the millions of parents the world over who had sex to conceive, without having to prove they were fit or worthy parents. Once the profiling stage is over, one waits to be selected by a birth mom, all the while being reminded by all and sundry that the possibility of adopting a Caucasian baby is slim to none, of couples who wait years and years and years before being selected or never being selected at all. We waited all of 2 weeks before being selected and 3 weeks in total from profiling to the birth of our child.
Ok, so my point is this:
7.5 years of trying to conceive
Countless chemical pregnancies
10+ timed stimulated cycles
1 Successful adoption
Does the above look like the run of the mill boy meets girl story? Does this look like the fairytale we women dream about on our wedding days? So why is it that the world seems intent on taking away from what an incredible miracle my child is? Why can the world not just allow me to revel in the miracle of my child? Why when I say I am blessed by my miracle child can the world not just accept that in my world she is a miracle, the greatest miracle? Why does the world feel it necessary to remind me that all children are miracles when I have NEVER once said that they weren’t? Why can the world not allow me for once to revel in feeling special. I felt undeserving, unworthy for years while I watched everyone else have babies and I never felt worthy but now I have this incredible gift and for once I feel like I am worthy, I am deserving and yet there are still people in the world who want to tell me that I’m not that special, that my child is not that special that I’m not that worthy of this incredible miracle. And once again I say, in MY world, this is an incredible miracle.
Why does the world think I lessen the worth of their children when I speak of the value of my child in MY LIFE!?