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An Odd Reaction – Part Deux

Call me a sucker for punishment but I can’t seem to stop watching the documentary series – A Child Against All Odds. I watched it again lat night & had the same reaction as I’d had the previous times. As soon as the show started and they introduced the two women, one aged 35 with high FSH using an egg donor program in Russia and the other aged 41 battling through her 3rd IVF, the tears started coming and they continued to roll down my cheeks for the entire hour. Its a really great documentary but there is one thing that I feel they have not covered. They don’t show the anguish of the 2ww. They don’t show the agony of wondering if your embryo’s have lived or died, they don’t show how every one of us over analyzes every twinge as a possible sign or symptom of pregnancy. They don’t show the days where we’re super physced and positive and convinced its going to work, followed by days trapped in a back hole convinced its all failed. They don’t show the bruises from all the daily injections, they don’t show the discomfort of walking around like a chicken with no where to lay all her eggs. While I feel this is an excellent documentary about the science behind and reasons behind IVF, I don’t feel it truly gets to grips with the massive emotional & physical investment an IVF is which for me is disappointing because it falls short in terms of educating people in the difficulties of an IVF. I’m sure those out there who’ve never had an IVF probably think you get slightly tearful at a setback or a failed IVF and then you just try again. Its so not like that, at least not for me anyway. A failed IVF is followed by weeks, if not months of sadness, of depression, of feelings of uselessness, of massive disapointment in my body’s inability to do what so many women do so easily and to do what is taken foregratnted by so many.

Of course my emotion was made worse yesterday by my darling husbands reminder to me of just how long we’ve been doing this. A full seven years, we’re into our eighth year trying and sometimes I really can’t believe it hasn’t happened yet. Sometimes I wonder to myself it ones chance for success is not made less and less the longer one tries. So today I look very pretty, all thick eyed and baggy from all the crying last night.

But on a happier note, please head on over to my friend, Maritza’s blog, and go and wish her well, she received the news of her BFP yesterday! Congratulations my friend, we’re rooting for you! Your GIFT success has made me even more determined than ever to give GIFT a shot in the New Year!

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15 Comments

  • Reply Abbey

    Going to watch it this weekend Sharon. It sounds like one I shouldn’t miss…high FSH etc. I agree about the lack of focus on the waiting ivf entails…but I suppose it wouldn’t make for such an exciting documentary to convey just how much waiting and wondering is involved!

    August 21, 2009 at 10:08 am
  • Reply Invivo

    7 Years is a hell of a long time and nothing can change that, but I’m hoping that you’ll finally find success with Vitalab like so many others that have been victim to poor outcomes due to slapdash treatment at other clinics.

    Still holding on to hope for you dear friend.

    And yes, I think there’s an opportunity in the market for someone to truly capture infertility on film. Thus far Facing the Giants comes closest to capturing the utter heartache and desperation of infertility, but unfortnately does not tell the story of ART as such.

    August 21, 2009 at 11:17 am
  • Reply Elize

    LOVE your new blog!!! Looks stunning!!

    Would love to watch the programme too, will keep an eye out for it.

    August 21, 2009 at 11:56 am
  • Reply Alison

    I had a similar reaction to realizing how long Husband and I have been trying. We plausibly could have a 7 year old. I thought I had come to terms with things but then realizing our child could be in elementary school, learning new things, being their own person…well it set me back quite a bit.

    One year of trying to conceive is too long. 7 years is just exhausting.

    ICLW-

    alison
    http://runamokamok.wordpress.com/

    August 21, 2009 at 1:29 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    (((((Hugs)))))

    August 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm
  • Reply Hela

    Shaz, I have to agree with you, me not having gone through any IVF or similar treatments I definatly was not made aware of all you have mentioned.
    I also only watched the one where they did PGD of the 3 couples My heart went out to 2 of them because they seriously had genetic issues. The 3rd couple was a couple who wanted a girl, they had 4 boys. Now I don’t care how many children people want, but for this woman to cry the way she did because of her failed IVF because she couldn’t have a girl was just beyond me – I hated her for even being part of the show – she had no issues naturally.
    And may they revoke the license of doctors who do IVF for this reason.
    But yes, I wanted to know how the couple who said this was their last was doing, how the lady was coping with her little disabled girl and not being able to have a normal child or second child she longed for.

    August 21, 2009 at 4:37 pm
  • Reply Kate

    Wow this is very powerful. You are right, to truly capture our minds and our emotions and the difficulty of this process one has to really see the struggles of the tww and the bruises emotional and physical we encounter along the way.

    August 21, 2009 at 4:56 pm
  • Reply T LEE

    I felt very much the same about that documentary. It taught me a lot, scientifically, about how the process works, but it definitely isn’t truthful bout what the ‘subjects’ go through emtionally, etc…

    August 21, 2009 at 5:11 pm
  • Reply Rach

    I LOVE the new blog, it’s look fab!!

    I too have wondered about the whole trying for longer = less chance of getting knocked up, I fear it’s true but I hope it’s not. This will be our 10year we are entering, it doesn’t even bare thinking about.

    ICLW

    August 21, 2009 at 5:14 pm
  • Reply Lin

    Love the hot air balloon header!! (((HUGS))) from ICLW!

    August 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm
  • Reply Wishing4One

    Sounds like a great documentary, I am sure we don’t get it here in Cairo, i will google though. I have done 3 IVF cycles, 7 transfers and nothing yet either. They really should include all the things that go along with IVF, that would give an even wider picture of tough it can be sometimes.

    August 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    Its fascinating that the documentary had the same effect on the second viewing,

    Congrats to your friend on her BFP.

    August 21, 2009 at 8:25 pm
  • Reply Lea White

    Hugs! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers always.

    August 21, 2009 at 10:18 pm
  • Reply Mrs. Gamgee

    I agree that without showing the tww, they are not giving the full picture. People who haven’t experienced the agony of hope followed by (oft times repeated) disappointment just don’t understand. Without that wait time, it seems like IVF is almost easy.

    August 22, 2009 at 4:28 am
  • Reply nh

    You are completely right – it doesn’t show the reality that we all know. I think that’s one of the hardest things, people can accept that you might feel a bit ‘odd’ but they have no idea of the reality of the injections, the waiting, and the wondering.

    August 22, 2009 at 4:33 pm
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