And Now For The Big 1…

I’m waiting for our SW’s to come back to me with a confirmed date. A date for us to meet with them and once again put ourselves through the profiling process in order to adopt a second baby.

Both Walter and I have sat on the fence about this issue for the last year. We’ve swung backwards and forwards between the two choices, having sibling versus the benefits for the child of being an only child, of which I still believe there are many. I still don’t buy into or believe in the myth started almost a 120 years ago that so many people are still so hung up on, the myth of the only child.

However, somewhere between saying goodbye to my cousin and renewed drama with my brother I had an epiphany over the Christmas holidays. As mentioned yesterday, my cousin and her husband are emigrating to Australia next week and she is the closest I have to a sibling. I have no relationship with my brother. We have never gotten along, even as children and he has turned out to be the real black sheep of our family. I don’t want to get into details here, I use my anonymous blog for spilling my guts on that relationship, but I will say this, and people are shocked when I say it, I wish I was an only child. I have no doubt that once my parents pass on and my brother has received his inheritance, I will never ever see or hear from him ever again. Add to that I’m a ousider with my in-laws and don’t have close relations with them either, once my mom and dad pass on, I will be all alone in the world. Aside from Walter and our child, I will have no one.

I never ever want Ava to be in that position. Especially because we come from a small family, especially with our plans to emigrate. Should we be successful, she will have one cousin in Australia and that is it.

Of course, both Walter and I are not approaching this decision with rose-tinted glasses. We realize that we may wait a long time to be selected again, I’m under no illusion that we’ll be so lucky as to have a 3 week process again. We are also well aware that we may never be selected again. Or that our emigration application is successful before we are chosen, in which case we will leave without a second child. But we have to at least try. It’s in God’s hands and if its meant to be it will be. But we have to take a leap of faith, step off the edge of the cliff and free fall to find out what is going to happen.

I’m still unsure of how we’ll cope with a second baby. I’m not sure I’m ready to revert back to sleepless nights, colic and the exhaustion that comes with a tiny baby. Or coping with a tiny baby while raising a child. Or the fighting? The sibling rivalry? Or the cost of effectively raising two children?

Neither Walter or I are sure if we’re ready for it, but then is one ever really ready for it?

Ultimately that’s not what is important, ultimately what’s important is what is best for Ava and I believe in my heart of hearts that as an adult one day, God willing this will have been a good decision for her!

January 11, 2011
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25 Comments

  • Reply Hanneke C

    Good on you for taking the ‘step off the cliff’ and trusting God with your future! All the best with the emigration process to Australia!! (I’m biased in saying that NZ is soo much better :))

    January 11, 2011 at 10:03 am
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    Well, I think that is great news! And as you say, what will be will be. 🙂

    January 11, 2011 at 10:08 am
  • Reply tzipieastwest

    Congratulations on the decision. Personnally, I think it is great to have (a) sibling(s). …
    Good luck for the process !

    January 11, 2011 at 10:32 am
  • Reply teamedeling

    Speaking as someone who is best friends with her sister, it really is amazing if it works out. You have the right intention and attitude about this and you have left it with God, so all you can do now is trust and believe.
    It’s a challenge raising two, but nothing comes close to seeing that bond between them, so all the tears are worth it… lol
    We will be praying for you guys as well.
    xxx

    January 11, 2011 at 10:32 am
  • Reply catluvagp

    You are right, you are never ready for a second child, if I hadn’t fallen pregnant so soon after Thomas was born I probably still wouldn’t be trying yet for number 2 but I say – Go For It – you won’t look back and what always warms my heart is the fact that Thomas and Erin already have such a special close bond, you’re a good mom because you know Ava deserves that.

    January 11, 2011 at 10:34 am
  • Reply thebinges

    Firstly, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Secondly one is never ‘ready’ for any child. Our hearts desire them, our bodies ache for them, I minds become so preoccupied with them that we cannot function correctly, but we are never, ever ready for the joy, frustration, love and every other emotion that comes with having a child in our lives.

    Having said that, I myself have been wondering whether or not I could ever love another child the way I love Jordan, but I, like you, have to think about what is best for him, and being alone is for the birds quite frankly.

    So I pray for guidance, and a sibling for little Ava, and for the beautiful happy family you have been dreaming of Sharon.

    Please keep us posted.

    xxx

    January 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
  • Reply mozzie01

    SO SO SO happy for you! This is very exciting news! We’re with you every step of the way!
    xxxx

    January 11, 2011 at 10:56 am
  • Reply Nisey

    such great news! best of luck…

    January 11, 2011 at 11:12 am
  • Reply Tanya Kovarsky

    Wow – what a huge step, but one that I don’t think you’ll regret.

    I hope the process is a smooth one, and I’m really happy you’re pursuing it. Just as a matter of interest, do you have to go through the same medicals, police clearances, profile book etc etc?

    January 11, 2011 at 12:23 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Hi T
      Unfortunatley, we have to literally start the process right from scratch. So we have to basically reapply for everything and complete all the profiling and pychometric testing all over again.
      I reckon the only difference this time around will be that our information session will be drastically shorter but everything else remains the same.

      January 11, 2011 at 7:58 pm
  • Reply marina1605

    Hi Sharon. So sorry I missed you while you were in Cape Town, sniff, sniff. Glad you had a good holiday. Exciting stuff lying ahead for you!!! I am with you on not being sure that you’re ready for No. 2 and all that comes with a newborn baby. The first year is tough and nothing can prepare you. I would love to have a sibling for Claudio, we’re the only ones left in SA as both DH and my family have all left to live in Europe so Claudio doesn’t have cousins or family around him which makes us very sad. Immigration has crossed our minds many times, especially now, but we love South Africa and the lifestyle we lead here, despite being alone. Luckily, we have a lot of friends, some with small children for Claudio to form friendships with growing up. So, we have left it to the powers that be, and hopefully, we’ll be lucky enough to have another baby in the not so distant future. Best of luck with the profiling process. xxx

    January 11, 2011 at 12:24 pm
  • Reply charnetrollip

    o sharon we are happy for you and hopefully will be joining u to expand our family soon to.

    I agree that siblings are great if they work out and wish that for Emma-Lynn

    I hope your wait is short and that your dream of a sibling for Ava does come true

    xxx

    January 11, 2011 at 1:05 pm
  • Reply wheresmybun

    Exciting news! I’m so glad you took the step! I have such a special relationship with my sister and it would be really great if Ava could experience the same. Good luck with your emigration plans, I hope it goes smoothly.

    January 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm
  • Reply charminka

    So happy for you guys!! You couldnt have made a better descision to start the year!! I hope everything goes as smoothly and quickly as with your precious angel Ava 🙂 Best of luck!! xoxoxoxox

    January 11, 2011 at 1:48 pm
  • Reply coachmarcia

    Fantastic news! I hope it will be an easy process this time around too (of course I also think 3 weeks is unlikely but why not an easy process nevertheless, right?)

    I’d love to hear why you chose Aus over NZ as I have a love relationship with NZ because of the colder weather 🙂

    January 11, 2011 at 2:26 pm
  • Reply suestuart

    Wishing you success in both ventures!

    January 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm
  • Reply nemo7212

    Congratulations and good luck to you and Walter. So happy for you and don’t worry God has plans for all of us. And adopting a 2nd child so that Ava can have a sibling is all part of God’s plans for you and Walter.
    I will keep you and your family in our prayers that your process will go as quickly and speedily and God Willing you will have your second baby in your arms before you leave for Australia.
    Also one nice thing about it Ava and her brother or sister will grow up together and there won’t be a huge age gap between them.
    We having our second one early in April and our age gap will be 1yr 4mths and am not sure if I will be coping with it, but I put my trust in the Lord and believe that everything will be fine. And the Almighty Lord won’t put burdens on us that we won’t be able to handle.
    Once again all the best and you doing a great job with your princess. Take Care

    January 11, 2011 at 3:36 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Well we don’t really know for sure, these things can’t really be planned. We might wait a few months or we might wait a few years or we might never be selected again. We’ll have to see, its in God’s hands…

      January 11, 2011 at 8:00 pm
  • Reply elna3

    Sounds like you are in a ‘good place’ with your decision. All the best.

    January 11, 2011 at 3:54 pm
  • Reply pandoragelb

    Those are the same reasons why I would even consider a second child. We are the only ones here in SA besides grandparents, and I too worry my daughter will end up all alone. However, I also dont think we will stay in SA for ever either, and she does have 5 cousins and 3 younger aunts if we join them.
    I just don’t think I really want to do it all again, given my age. If it takes a couple of years to be selected again, I could be 50! Sometimes I really would love another baby, but then I know how quickly they grow, and it is the baby stage I miss, which is too short.
    I totally understand what you are saying, and I am sure it will work out the way it is meant to be, and it sounds as if you will be at peace with whatever may happen.
    PS I also did not know you have to start the entire process from scratch! I assumed some things e.g. police clearance may be needed, but not everything.

    January 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm
  • Reply little29

    great news! best of luck!! I firmly believe things will happen as they should……I have 4 sisters and the politics makes for intersting times…. we too have a black sheep and its amazing how damaging to a family this can be…..
    i hope everything goes well and before you know it you have a brother or sister for Ava – and believe me your second child is nothing like your first….you an old hand now and you will be amazed at how chilled you will be second time round

    January 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm
  • Reply lea2109

    All the best of luck. Making these decisions are never easy!

    January 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    All the best. What will be will be.

    ps…I had no idea that the entire profiling process would be repeated.
    xxx

    January 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm
  • Reply Mash

    It’s so tough, I guess there are no guarantees in families. I think siblings are great, especially when it comes to family problems, I always wonder how my mom would have coped with only one child, or god forbid, none, after my Dad’s sudden death. So I’m all for it. Also, having children is really much cheaper in Aus than here.

    One thing I’ve always noticed with my “only children” friends, is how determined they become as parents to have more than one child. So I guess somehow they do feel that they have missed out? Life is so imperfect I guess. I remember visiting my “only child” friend and being so relieved to get away from my pesky little sisters!

    How exciting that you are going down this road again, and all the best!

    January 12, 2011 at 4:53 pm
  • Reply Jessica Emilia

    Best wishes on a marvelous decision.

    January 13, 2011 at 6:38 pm
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