Since making the decision to pursue adoption, I’ve spent a lot of time reading adoption support forums and the one thing that struck me is that one cannot estimate when you will be selected by a birth mother. There are women that waited a month, women that waited 15 months and women who are still waiting after 5 years. We will not be able to wait that long, if we are not selected in the next two and a half years, it will be over for us. In two and a half years I hit the big 40 and from the reading I’ve done, could potentially be booted off the list because of my age. Its all very confusing to find information on this subject. Some resources say 40, some resources say 45 and some say 50.
I’m trying not to let that fact freak me out too badly. I’m trying not to have regrets about waiting so long to finally pursue this route. What will be will be right? If we’re not selected within the right time frame, I will be left with no alternative but to accept that we will never be parents. It’s a very daunting thought, one that causes me a tremendous amount of anxiety. I cannot imagine being 50 never mind trying to parent a child at that age, I also can’t imagine having to wait that long or finally getting the call and turning it down because I was 50! The one thing in our favor *dripping sarcasm* is that we don’t have any children, apparently its better this way for the adoption route.
I do have some regrets about the last 7 & a half years. I regret wasting to much time and money at my previous clinic, but 20/20 vision comes with hind sight doesn’t it? I wish I’d never gone there to start with. The treatment I’ve received from Vitalab is above and beyond anything that previous clinic ever offered me. I wish when we’d first starting talking about adoption we’d started pursuing it then, I was 34 at the time, this could all be over by now. I regret not listening to W, the glass is half empty man, he has maintained from the beginning that fertility treatment does not work. I always shrugged off his negativity and strengthened my resolve to prove him wrong. Then I did this post earlier this week and when he read it, his exact response was: “See I told you, fertility treatment does not work!” and I’ve had to concede that perhaps he is right? (edited to say: just want to clarify, W’s comment RE. fertility treatment… he’s referring to us when he says it does not work. And I have to agree, how many timed cycles, 3 IUI’s and 5 IVF’s with one BFP and 7mc’s.)
But I guess there is no point in dwelling on regrets. We can only look to the future and hope for the best, there’s also no point in being utterly terrified over something we cannot control.