I’m not sure how I stumbled across this book, but like Me Before You, Rainfall & The Fault In Our Stars, this book sucker punched me from the first page and has left me with a lingering book hangover.
Arsen: A Broken Love Story.
One glance was all it took…
I’m a cheater.
I’m a liar.
My whole life is a mess.
I love a man.
No, I love two men…
I think. One makes love to me. The other sets me on fire.
One is my rock. The other is my kryptonite.
I’m broken, lost, and disgusted with myself.
But I can’t stop. This is my story.
My broken love story.
The blurb doesn’t give much
away, but the book is highly rated on Good Reads, so I decided to give it a go. I was barely through the first page when the book sucker punched me right in the gut!
Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while or know my history will know that I’m also a “habitual aborter”, a 7x RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss survivor) so I got Cathy, I understood her, I felt a kinship with her, with her broken spirit. After my 6th miscarriage I found myself in the same place as Cathy, broken beyond repair, hopeless, dead on the inside. I identified with her feelings of just not giving a damn about anything any more, of wanting to make the pain end at all costs, even if it meant suicide. I felt for her, even though I wanted to hate her for her actions, I simply couldn’t because I understood why she was doing what she was doing. Why she could so coldly turn her back on Ben, her husband of 6 years, after her 4th miscarriage. I got it.
I adored Ben, he reminded me so much of Walter, there were so many elements of our own story woven into Ben and Cathy’s story, broken wives and loving husbands trying to carry the dead weight of their hopeless wives.
“Love can destroy you.
Love can erase you.
Love can heal you.
Love can reinvent you,
And, if you are lucky enough,
Love can make you whole again.” – Arsen by Mia Asher
And Arsen… I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t.
I loved this book. I got it, I understood the characters and I loved the story, even though I had this aching feeling in my heart the entire way through. The book stirred my emotions, it reminded me of where Walter and I were just a few years ago (barring the affair of course, TG). It made me feel conflicted, it reminded me of how far I’ve come in my own healing post RPL, of how having your dreams repeatedly shattered alters who you are at your very core.
‘I can feel myself withdrawing from him. From his love. From my marriage. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Nothing.’ -Cathy
Read it. It’s good, it’s graphic and dirty and painful and emotional and hopeful and sad and will make you question how trauma and grief can turn love into hate, how trauma and grief can make you give up the will to live and how healing and unconditional love can bring you back to you again.
5 Heart breaking stars from me!
Warning – mature content.