We had our second round of interviews with Procare today. Individual interviews. I’m not going to lie, I was very nervous! Adopting is unlike any other form of family creation, you really have to prove your worth as a person and prove your qualities as a parent. It’s very intimidating and because I’m well aware of my short comings and that I’m far from perfect, I start stressing about what to say and if I’m saying the right thing or if something could be a negative towards qualifying me as a parent and an adopter.
I needn’t have worried, in the end the interview was fairly straight forward and the most uncomfortable part was sharing about our extensive marriage counselling, which I initially thought would be a negative but proved to actually be a positive as the SW confirmed that this indeed proves not just our commitment to each other but also that we have dealt with and moved on from our fertility issues with no negative long term effects.
The other uncomfortable part was discussing our preferences for our second placement. I automatically want to respond yes to all the options, from rape, incest, physical disabilities, health issues and the preferences drill down quite far right down to preference in hair type, whether we’d like a baby with straight or curly hair and if curly how curly? Answering no to any of those questions went against every grain in my mother heart. My heart aches to hold, nurture and love another child. A child who never asked to be born, never asked for his or her circumstances and who is totally and thankfully at the mercy of the adoption fraternity. Answering no to any of those questions felt like a rejection, felt like I was saying no, that won’t be good enough for me. The reality of the situation is that we are adopting a second time, it’s no longer just about Walter and I but also about Ava and seeing to her needs and ensuring that her needs are not compromised in anyway when we bring a second child, her brother or sister, into our family and our home.
We also got feedback on our psychometric testing which was very interesting but pretty much spot on and I was pleased with my results which showed that I have no linger negative long term effects from our infertility and that I’m a well rounded, happy and driven person, go figure!
During my interview with Letitia, I showed her some photo’s of Ava. Of course she confirmed what I already know! *smile* Ava is gorgeous! But during Walter’s one on one time, she took that a step further….. And this bit is quite interesting….
Given the way Ava looks, they would prefer to place a boy with us second time around. Walter had this conversation, so I’m not quoting verbatim but rather what I understood from his ramblings so the explanation is Walter’s with my own reading between the lines. The story goes that because adopted children already have that to deal with growing up and society places so much emphasis on women being attractive, it would be easier for the child if our second placement was a boy to avoid the “ugly sister’ thought’s so to speak because Ava is a pretty little girl. And again, note that while I of course think Ava is the most exquisite creature to ever grace the planet, these were our SW’s words and not mine.
Of course, time will tell and it’s all in God’s hands and in His perfect time, but I can’t help having the licker flicker of hope flame within me again.
Baby Van Wyk, boy or girl, we love you, we yearn for you and we are waiting for you sweet child!