Being a parent it not easy… it requires that we sometimes make really tough decisions. Decisions that we don’t necessarily like but that we know are right anyway and so we make them and we live with them.
Yesterday I received a call that would force us to make such a decision. Hannah’s BM had another baby and she wanted to place with us. (please don’t be quick to judge her, there are circumstances that you don’t know about).
This is Hannah’s half sister and because I feel such a strong connection, love and responsibility to both my girls birth mom’s, my immediate reaction was YES!
I don’t want to have a third baby. I knew after Hannah’s placement it wasn’t something I wanted. A couple of months ago, Ava’s social worker contacted us in an attempt to place a baby boy with us, my answer was, without even consulting Walter, a firm NO!
But this is Hannah’s sister. It changes everything.
Thankfully Walter is always my voice of reason, he is the logical thinker while I am the emotional thinker and as he clearly pointed out to me last night and again this morning… we are simply NOT in a position to bring a third child into our home. We’re just not. And I know everyone says you can make it work, but we feel that that would be entirely unfair to the two children we already have, to the responsibility we have to them. We want private educations for them, university educations if they choose, holidays and the very best we can possibly offer them.
Adding a 3rd child to the mix would change all of that and that is a sacrifice that neither Walter nor I could live with.
Not to mention that neither of us felt it would be fair to Ava. She’d ultimately become the 3rd sister and I can’t/won’t do that to her.
I’ve just sent Hannah’s BM an email via our SW, explaining our reasons and expressing my sadness at her situation. I hope she will understand, I think she will. I think she will understand that our first responsibility is first and foremost Ava and Hannah.
It’s not easy. I’m heart broken today. I don’t like this choice, but I know we’ve made the right one and even though I am deeply saddened, I have peace with the decision we’ve made.
Of course, the irony not lost on me either. The most hopelessly infertile couple, parents to two gorgeous girls and in the space of a couple of months we could have been the parents to three and even four children.
Life is tough, it’s unfair, but it is also so beautiful and I am once again reminded of how abundantly blessed I am.