Black or White #LoveHasNoColour – Dumb Things People Say About Adoption

Prize sponsored by Ster Kinekor Entertainment. 

Earlier this month, someone shared the following link with me –   Note, don’t be stupid when you talk to adopted kids and their parents.

While the circumstances of our adoptions are different, mine being domestic & cross racial adoption and Kim Kelley’s daughters are adopted internationally, there are so many of the images she’s shared that I totally related to because it’s been said to me/to us. Worst of all, Ava is old enough now to understand when people make these dumb/ignorant comments, they hurt her and in return I will hurt you!

I found the stupid/ignorant/hurtful comments especially powerful when the children are tagged into them and so when I was approached by Ster Kinekor Entertainment to share about their upcoming movie, Black or White, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to hit you with some of the messages we’ve received over the years.


We didn’t BUY her!


Maybe not sisters by blood, but as real as sisters could ever be!


I AM her “real”mom!


No. We, her parents, are the lucky ones!


Because we love with all our hearts… because how hearts beat the same, because how blood is red, we are family.


Um… why would I lie or deny who she is? Because it’s something to be ashamed of?


Then that’s exactly why you weren’t chosen for the path of adoption because adoption is love & has taught my my amazing an infinite capacity to love!



I have tried to explain to my daughters that people do not say these things to be mean, they say them out of ignorance, which is why I am sharing some of them. Words are powerful, they can become tools or weapons, choose to use them wisely. Kim Kelley-Wagner

Yes, I agree with Kim, I do think these comments are made out of ignorance and not to be mean but sometimes, just sometimes, that doesn’t change the fact that they still hurt. I’ve seen the look on Ava’s face, I ‘ve seen the hurt flash in her eyes when comments like this are made in front of her. THINK people, my children are adopted, not stupid. What’s amazing is how shocked people were on social media when I shared these pictures over the weekend, horror, surely these comments aren’t true and weren’t really said to us, right to my face, right in front of my children to hear (because you know adopted children are usually also deaf or dumb & can’t HEAR you when you say these things!) But the truth is… almost every single day, my family, my beautiful children, are faced with some kind of ignorance or discrimination because of circumstances totally out of any of our controls.

And now, back to the movie…

Black or White Poster HR



Ster Kinekor Entertainment release ‘Black or White’, the story of a grandfather (Kevin Costner) who is suddenly left to care for his orphaned granddaughter.

Conflict incurs when her paternal grandmother (Octavia Spencer) seeks custody of the child, The little girl is torn between two families, who love her deeply.  With the best intentions at heart, both families fight for what they feel is right and are soon forced to confront their true feelings about race, forgiveness, and understanding.  Anchored by an all-star cast and based on real events, the movie is a look at two seemingly different worlds, in which nothing is as simple as black or white.

You can watch the trailer here:

Ster Kinekor has teamed up with two South African women, me being one of them,  who have adopted children out of our ethnic groups and you can stand a chance to win one of two photo shoots, check out Jessy’s blog for details on the Cape Town shoot!

Jessy Lipperts adopted little Rosie on the 5th of December 2012 and says ‘she’s an angel baby.’  Jessy is a curious entrepreneur, passionate traveller and single Mom-on-the-go.

LogoTestIf you’re in Gauteng, you can win a black & white family photography session with Bronwyn from Heart & Soul Photography which will include:

  • Photo session of up to 90 minutes in the privacy of your home or chosen location
  • 5 x A5 prints
  • 50 high res images on DVD

You can see Bronwyn’s work here: 

Watch Black or White, a story that is sure to resonate with many South African’s in cinemas from 10th April 2015.

Costner personally financed this film because he believed so strongly in this moving story.


To enter, simply follow the Rafflecopter prompts below.

P.S. there are extra entry prompts too!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you’re in Cape Town, check out Jessy’s blog for a chance to win too!

Terms & Conditions:

  • Entries open to South African residents only.
  • Entrants must be able to travel to a central location within Johannesburg to claim their photographic price.

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  • Reply dummymommy

    I really would LOVE to watch this movie!!!

    March 30, 2015 at 1:38 pm
  • Reply Tanya Holmes

    Kevin Costner is the star

    March 30, 2015 at 1:53 pm
  • Reply Beth Rosen-Gouws

    Wow Sharon this looks like it might be an intense movie. I look forward to seeing it.

    March 30, 2015 at 2:40 pm
  • Reply Ramona

    The blog definately opened my eyes to how insensitive people can be. You have done the right thing by making them aware and empowering them to deal with what they may face.

    March 30, 2015 at 3:08 pm
    • Reply Ramona

      Sorry the answer is Kevin Costner.

      March 30, 2015 at 3:10 pm
  • Reply michkar

    Would love to win this! Kevin Costner is the star

    March 30, 2015 at 4:23 pm
  • Reply laurakim

    SO! We have had some adoption discussions in our house recently and I am ashamed to say my daughter said some of these things. We have never really discussed because it is not really our frame of reference but no Kiara has a little boy in her class who is adopted.

    She said to me “He is so happy all the time and he is adopted” – which led me to ask WHY would being adopted make him unhappy or happier than he should be? Anyway it led to a whole discussion about it.

    I think a lot of these things are often said out of ignorance but they are still extremely hurtful.

    March 30, 2015 at 5:54 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      I have no problem with that, she’s just a child. I take exception when it’s adults who say these things though, they should no better.
      And well done to you for handling the situation and talking openly about it, it should be an open and honest subject.

      March 31, 2015 at 9:05 am
  • Reply March Roundup and Linky | South African Mom Blogs

    […] has done a very thought provoking post – Dumb Things People Say About Adoption – where she got her kids to stand holding certain messages that have been spoken about them. […]

    April 1, 2015 at 10:59 am
  • Reply Ntando

    This movie is going to hit home for my husband and I. I am Zulu and he is Afrikaans.

    April 4, 2015 at 10:18 am
  • Reply Ntando

    The lead male is played by Kevin Costner & we can’t wait to watch it.

    April 5, 2015 at 7:41 pm
  • Reply Tina Pieterse

    The gorgeous Kevin Costner stars in this movie I swear he gets better with age Pwhoar!!!!!

    April 7, 2015 at 7:31 am
  • Reply LaurenHamilton_

    I’d love to win this, a family photoshoot in our new home would be lovely <3

    April 7, 2015 at 10:02 am
  • Reply Taryn Botha

    Kevin Costner is the star. Loved this post, my cousin is adopted and I remember being in Pick n Pay with him and some old man coming up to my aunt and I and telling us that we are disgusting. Crazy how narrow minded people are.

    April 7, 2015 at 10:03 am
  • Reply Rene

    Kevin Costner

    April 8, 2015 at 12:43 pm
  • Reply Caroline

    Your children are just too beautiful and you are a super mama bear 🙂 Such a great blog post!

    April 8, 2015 at 12:53 pm
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