There are a few generally accepted misconceptions surrounding adoption that I have touched previously. I think it’s important to note that every adoption is different, each adopted child’s story is different, each birth mom’s reasons are different and so one cannot really take a blanketed approach when dealing with the subject of adoption.
I want to write about two of the misconceptions that I’ve often encountered in the last couple of years, these pertain specifically to our circumstance and to most of us who have adopted privately.
Ava is so blessed to have been adopted by us.
Yes, Ava is very blessed but not for the reason’s many people assume and most certainly not because she was adopted by us. Ava is blessed because she has a birth mother that loved her so very much that she acted our of a complete lack of concern for her own well being and only thought about Ava’s needs and well being when she placed her. Ava is blessed because her birth mother loved her so much she opted to not abort her, Ava is blessed because her birth mother loved her so much, she actively sought assistance in ensuring that she would grow up in a loving home.
We received the ultimate blessing when Ava’s birth mother chose us to have the honour and privilege of raising her as our own. We are blessed to call this beautiful little girl our own and to be able to parent her and experience all the joys, trials, high’s and lows of being parents.
When people say what a lucky little girl Ava is to have us as her parents, my standard response is always, No, Walter and I are the lucky ones.
Ava is blessed, oh yes she most certainly is, she is the central point of our adoption triad and she is deeply loved by all corners of the triad.
I cringe when I hear that. While Ava may not have been planned, she was most certainly not unwanted. Had she been unwanted, the solution for her birth mother would have been far simpler and less traumatic than carrying a baby, whom she clearly loved deeply, to term, birthing her naturally and without the assistance of pain meds and then handing her into my arms. No one would put them themselves though that type of emotionally harrowing experience for something unwanted. The truth is, that while she may have caught her birth mother by surprise and while she may have been unplanned and while her birth mother, for her own reasons, felt she was not in a position to raise her, she loved her and she wanted her, even if she felt she couldn’t keep her. Had Ava been unwanted, there were other ways that her story could have ended or begun. She could have been aborted, she could have been abandoned. But she was not.
At the end of the day, we will love Ava’s birth mother for eternity because of how she blessed us, because of what she gave us and because of the love she has for Ava. There is nothing ugly or negative about that, it’s a beautiful thing!