Can I Change My Mind??

So yesterday turned out to be not as bad as I had anticipated it would be, thanks to all my bloggie buddies for your kind words of support. Actually Thursday evening was far worse, I guess mostly because I was alone and had too much time to think… Last night, I cam home, ate my pizza and drank my wine but instead of watching Reality TV, I landed up browsing my favorite online MP3shop and buying some music for my iPod. One of the songs I bought last night brought back sooo many memories and had me dancing and jiving around the study. Who remember this:

If you’re younger than say 33, you probably won’t remember this, but how can you be miserable while bopping to Billy Idol!!?? ๐Ÿ™‚

After reading Elize’s discouraging update on Thursday and chatting with W, I have made a decision regarding my infertility…………… Are you ready………..Promise you won’t think I’m a total loon who can’t make up her mind??? Promise? Say it out loud: “I promise!”

As soon as I get my period I’m going back to my RE!!! Crazy hey?ย ย I thought I was ready to quit and I guess on some level I have a LOT more peace about my infertility than I had before, I’m just not totally sure I’m ready to give up all together. I want to discuss with Dr G the possibility of doing another HSG. With my last op in March, my right tube was disconnected due to the severe damage done to it from an emergency Appendectomy as a child. So in effect, I only have one tube, now my last HSG was done prior to that surgery and I’m mildly concerned that perhaps my one and only remaining tube has some how gotten blocked or damaged during the surgery and is not functioning properly. I also want W to have another SA, which he has agreed to do. Although his SA’s have always been really good, aside from once when his morphology dropped to 5% and we were told it was still not an issue as his total count was 380 million, which meant there were literally still millions of good sperm. But something is up, its been 6 months since my surgery and I’m still not pregnant, its never taken this long to get pregnant before so I think we should re-look the basics to see if there is something that needs a bit of tweaking.

I’m by NO means ready to start another IVF cycle, I still don’t think I”m emotionally near ready to jump back on that horse, last year kinda cured me of that. Three IVF’s and three IUI’s practically back to back in the space of 8 months was probably over doing it slightly and I just cannot face that kind of intervention now. But I’m keen for a few more tests and perhaps a couple of Clomid cycles just to see what can happen.

So now I wait patiently for Aunt Flo, just a couple more days, then I’m going to take a deep breath, prepare myself for the dildo cam and climb back on the scarey roller coaster.

Wish me luck!

11 Comments

  • Michelle

    September 13, 2008 at 9:26 am

    Of course you allowed to change your mind!! I think its wise to see Dr G and see whats going on – take it from there. You don’t need to make any major decisions but I think maybe the Clomid might just do the trick!!! Just love Billy Idol!!

    Reply
  • eggorchicken

    September 13, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Yay for getting back on the horse, it sounds like you’ve made a really good decision!!
    Can’t wait to hear what the next step is ๐Ÿ™‚

    x
    Yvonne

    Reply
  • keystoclaritycoach

    September 13, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    Gosh, that brought back a few memories!!

    You go for it girl! Welcome to the prep part! Its not over til its over! They don’t call it the ‘rollercoaster’ for nothing!

    Coach Louise xx

    Reply
  • Lesley

    September 15, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Change your mind all you want and continually choose what is best for you and W. No point in having a mind of your own if you can’t change it hey? Wishing you lots of good luck.

    Reply

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