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If I Could Change One Thing…

About my journey through infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss…

It wouldn’t be the 7 years it took to start a family.

It wouldn’t be the almost R500 000 we spent on treatment.

It wouldn’t be all the surgeries.

It wouldn’t be all the painful procedures.

It wouldn’t be any of the things we went through to have our children, because if we didn’t go through all that, we wouldn’t have had the utter perfection, the perfect bits of heaven that are Ava & Hannah.

What I would change though, would be how I dealt with it. 

Don't Die Before YOu're Dead

I saw this quote a while ago and it immediately made me think back on our years of infertility. Hind sight is twenty twenty and I wouldn’t want to go back. I wouldn’t want to relieve the heartache and the pain again.

But if I had to go back and if I could change just one thing, I wish I could have lived more during those 7 years. Every ounce of my strength and my energy went into trying to have a baby and I lived so very little during that time.

Those years that could have been spent travelling, enjoying weekends away, spending time with friends, or just savoring the peace, quiet and tranquility of my home and quiet moments with my husband. That’s what I’d change, I’d try to live more, to not let the opportunities that were presented slip through my fingers, to not spend 7 years dead while life carried on around me.

Life has a funny way of working out, when I had all the time in the world and money to do what I wanted, I didn’t and now with two kids, I can’t and I regret having not lived more during those years. 

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21 Comments

  • Reply Gail Schimmel

    Absolutely! We kept not booking holidays because we “might be pregnant by then”. And then of course, we weren’t and there was no holiday either. And when I was eventually pregnant – what do you know – you CAN travel pregnant (we went to Mauritius) so what was that all about?! And now that we have 2 small kids, we really can’t travel that easily and I regret all that wasted child-free time!!!!

    May 4, 2016 at 8:33 am
      • Reply Sharon

        YES! I don’t want to relive that time again, but I’d love to go back and tell my past self that my future self is ok and that living life and grabbing opportunities I gave up on because…. maybe I’ll be pregnant…. is a waste of time and WON’T influence the outcome!

        May 4, 2016 at 9:38 am
  • Reply catjuggles

    Hindsight is always so perfect – and regret is well, regret. Nothing more or less. But you did what you had to do to get through that time.

    May 4, 2016 at 8:47 am
  • Reply jenny

    I never really wanted kids and had seven years with my husband before I had any. We travelled, lived overseas, spent wonderful holidays together and I really battled my way into motherhood. I resented my time being taken up, my precious weekend naps were gone and I moaned and groaned about it constantly (how unfair to my children). Until I realised that I have such a limited time with them. Before we know it they will be out of the house and I will have years of naps ahead of me while I probably sit and moan about how much I miss them. Because we constantly as humans never live in the moment. It’s always looking back or looking forward. That is when I changed my attitude and I spent my time planning memories with my kids, I planned one kick arse holiday a year that I got into debt for and spent the rest of the time paying off. I made sure we do whatever we can together as a family because before long it will be just me and my husband again. I want my children to choose to spend their time with me when they are older instead of breathing a sigh of relief to be rid of me. Everyone always says live in the moment, but it’s easier said than done.

    May 4, 2016 at 8:47 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Living in the moment, is so much easier said than done.
      I have regret for how I chose to live then, but no regret over how that part of my journey ended.
      My biggest regret, it’s even more than the holidays and the time I had that I took fore-granted, it’s the opportunities that I let slip away because I was so stuck with all the what if’s, well actually only one what if….
      And imagine if I hadn’t had kids at the end of it all, what a waste those years would have been.
      But it’s more than just a lesson from my past, it’s also a lesson for my present and my future. To take opportunity when it presents itself and not put be put by the what if’s.

      May 4, 2016 at 9:00 am
  • Reply bymegankelly.co.za

    Loved this post Sharon. Not the same in anyway but I sometimes wonder about the the adventures we could have had before having a kid. Now we just focus on creating adventures and seizing the adventure now albeit a noisy, tantrumming one 😉

    May 4, 2016 at 2:58 pm
  • Reply Tandi Robertson

    Thank you for sharing this, it really is so true and very thought provoking for all aspects of life. Something to constantly remind ourselves about.

    May 4, 2016 at 3:48 pm
  • Reply Jadie Jones

    This post is just what I needed to read. Thank you for sharing!

    May 6, 2016 at 7:55 pm
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