About 10 years ago I did a professional (as in not one of those online freebies) aptitude test through a previous employer. The results were not surprising but did prove that I was working professionally in the “wrong” field, as a call center team manager. The results did not surprise me as I’ve always had a passion for people and especially for children. The top 3 positions listed for me were in this order:
- A Social Worker
- A Child Psychologist
- A mentor
Then I started trying to have a baby and kept failing miserably. Time and time again. I, like so many women on the same path, clung onto the roller coaster of our IF journey, feeling elation on the peaks, screaming, crying and beating my chest during the dips. I wasn’t always nice, I was far from perfect. But despite all the things that I was or wasn’t during that time, there was one message that I kept getting over and over and over again. Something that I believe/d in my soul to be true. That there was a purpose for all the pain, for all the high’s and low’s. That I was somehow being molded for something life changing. That there was a greater purpose to the entire journey and that my infertility was going to change the course of my life.
I’ve been searching for that specific purpose since our journey ended with Ava’s miraculous placement. I know that part of the purpose was to lead us to Ava, of that I have no doubt. But I still believe in my core, that there is something more. I don’t know what it is yet but I have my eyes and ears peeled waiting for that purpose to be revealed.
What I do know is that I started my blog as an outlet for all my conflicted and confusing emotions as we rode that roller coaster of infertility. I wrote, I purged my thoughts and feelings onto this blog, when I read back to postings form 3 or 4 years ago, I see just how toxic some of my thoughts and feelings were. But experience changes us and I have changed because of my experience.
As time has past and I have settled more and more into motherhood, my blog too has morphed into something else. A document of Ava’s life. My thoughts, feelings and experience of adoption and being on the alternative parenting path.
But I also feel lead to use my blog to educate people about adoption. To help those who have not experienced or cannot understand adoption to gain some knowledge and understanding of the process, the emotions, the pitfalls and joys of adoption. To bust the myths about adoption, adopted children and birth mom’s.
Lately I’ve been receiving a lot of emails from women who have read my blog and who have been touched or inspired by our story. Women who themselves are now exploring alternative paths to parenthood. Women who have gained knowledge and hope from our story. Women in desperate pain reaching out for comfort. Infertile women. Women waiting to or considering adoption. Women who have suffered repeated miscarriages. Women in the depths of despair. Women who are in emotional pain. Women who feel hopeless. Women who themselves have placed children for adoption.
And the one sentiment that all of them have shared is how our story has given them hope. And in that way, I feel my “calling” is being fulfilled.
Tomorrow I’ll be sharing, as a guest post, an email I received recently from a woman we’ll call M. A mom also through the miracle of adoption who is also waiting patiently for their second placement.
Most of all, I wanted to share that I feel blessed to have our story be a beacon of hope, even if for only one woman.
Last week I wrote this on Twitter: When we 1st started on the infertility journey, I hated it, I wanted “normal” but now I am honored to be chosen for the path less traveled.
I stand by that.