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Competitve Mommy’s

The longer I am a mother, the more run in’s I have with competitive mommy types aka Momzilla’s! What is up with that?

In my limited experience/knowledge of motherhood, having your baby teethe all 20 of his teeth at the same time and at 6 weeks old does not mean that you have baby Einstein on your handsย  while the rest of us who’s babies cut their first teeth at… oh.. I dunno… 8 months old are stuck with the intellectually challenged.

Having your baby sit/stand/walk/crawl/hold his own bottle/sleep through the night/say his first words 5 months before those of us lumped with the intellectually challenged, does not mean that you got a race horse while the rest of us landed up with dud’s.

It drives me absolutely insane that I can’t say the smallest thing about Ava to some friends in conversation or on FaceBook without receiving a comment from a momzilla type pointing out to me that my child is a lame-o because their child, who’s like 12 months younger than my child has been doing x-y-z for the last two years.

Ok, a bit of exaggeration on my part I know but please tell me I’m not the only Mamma who has experienced this. Of course I get that every Mommy thinks she’s got a thoroughbred race horse on her hands but seriously what is up with always having to make other mom’s feel bad?

And now, a piccie of my little thoroughbred: ๐Ÿ™‚

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22 Comments

  • Reply ldr1604

    Gee that is horrible… It is good to be proud of your child but that sounds crazy especially since we all know that Ava is the best anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

    September 3, 2010 at 10:15 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Haha! No not quite. I think Ava is the best but I am well aware that other Mom’s think that their babies are the best too and I try my very best to not get into the whole “well MY baby can…” every time a proud Mamma says something about her baby.
      Your turn is coming….

      September 3, 2010 at 10:17 am
  • Reply aussiekim

    Just quietly chuckle to yourself when they do this to you Sharon…tis no race, bubba’s get there in their own sweet time and whilst there are time frames promoted as averages, many “thoroughbreds” gallop home either side of the average…the only race they are in is the human race ;]

    Hugs

    Kimmie
    x

    September 3, 2010 at 10:29 am
  • Reply mozzie01

    Shaz, it drives me nuts…and I come across it ALL the time!!! My biggest irritation at the moment is the way everyone compares my girls…I try freakin hard not to do it and I find others do it all the time! They may be twins but they are individuals and I wish people would stop comparing them! Shew…sorry for using your blog as a platform to vent…I do feel better for getting that off my chest though!!!
    xxxx

    September 3, 2010 at 10:30 am
  • Reply Hanneke C

    I completely agree but I have one another bugbear, labour stories. All my four have reached different milestones at different time, so what! What are milestones anyway, do you (as in people not you) really want your baby to walk at 10 months? I don’t! Enjoy Ava and don’t worry about those other ones! ๐Ÿ™‚ She’ll grow up fast enough.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:03 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Yeah, I’ve been in conversations where the competitiveness over labour and labour lengths or birth choices as well as breast feeding and who did it for the longest blah blah blah is brought up, lucky for me, none of that stuff applies!

      September 3, 2010 at 11:05 am
  • Reply Nisey

    Well, as i’m sure you know jaden is certainly brighter than most other kids ๐Ÿ˜‰ yet somehow at 17 months he still only had 2 teeth… imho late teething definitely represents genius!!
    in all seriousness those moms drive me NUTS. i’m sure their kids appear brighter, cuter etc to them but how little self awareness do you have to not realise that A. every mom thinks their kid is the best and B. its hurtful to try and make other people feel bad…

    September 3, 2010 at 11:12 am
  • Reply lea2109

    Yeah, you get it all the time. But remember every child reaches his / her own milestones when they are ready – I started talking at 9 months (and certainly am no genius), my brother waited until he was 2 but then spoke sentences. Bianca started walking at 10 months (and flip we were so not ready for that), Caitlyn cut teeth at 3.5 months (which messed up her sleep routine for months on end) and you know what – we all have our own strengths that we should celebrate and be proud of. No child is brilliant at everything. Some will be brilliant at reading, others at math, others will be sooo creative, some will be brilliant at dancing or sport or whatever might take their fancy. It is what we do with that interest that will make a difference.

    Don’t let yourself get down by these people. Just nod your head and smile. Ava is perfect just the way she is. They grow up so fast that we should not wish for them to grow up too fast. Let her be a baby for a little while longer, before you know it she’ll go to school and then become so much more independent. I personally feel when parents push their kids too hard or have too high expectations, it becomes so stressful for the child.

    If it makes you feel a little better – Sanna our one au pair once took Caitlyn to the park and this one mom flew into an absolute rage “how can you have kids so young, how terrible that you aren’t old enough to have a child and finally, so how old were you when you had her?” to which Sanna replied “oh I was 14” (that shut the mom up ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

    September 3, 2010 at 11:27 am
  • Reply mayflowerladybugs

    Ug! I even get people who comment on the differences between my twins!! As in ‘Olivia speaks so much more than Rachel, Rachel must be a bit slower” Seriously??? Whatever!

    September 3, 2010 at 11:29 am
  • Reply coachmarcia

    I feel so strongly about this that I could write a book. Like Roz, it is very difficult when you’re trying not to compare your twins when people do it. I do think people with same sex twins have it slightly worse ๐Ÿ™‚

    My new thing is “oh really? well i’m in no hurry for _____________” (at the moment, “them to walk” ๐Ÿ™‚

    That’s why i said on the party post, “thank God no milestones talk” – it drives me batty – I personally think it’s insecure women trying to one-up one another.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:32 am
  • Reply little29

    I have no idea what you mean? Dont all kiddies cut teeth at 3 months and walk at 10 months? So Sharon you mean to tell me that Ava is not reciting her french yet?
    But seriously you always will get those that just cant help themselves!!!! they think they know better, their kids do better and you know what? they are generally just blady insecure….. each Child in their own time – that is just how it is and how wonderful that each kid is different and unique….. ๐Ÿ™‚

    September 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm
  • Reply pandoragelb

    Its the mommy mafia!

    September 3, 2010 at 7:11 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    EEk Sharon – I hope I didn’t come across as one of the momzilla’s. Just re-read my comment on FB and it probably comes across that way (although it’s not at all intended like that).
    I try very hard not to compare Dylan to other kids, but sadly I confess I do, and at the moment am worrying because he’s not really saying anything yet – although I know I shouldn’t worry and he will talk when he’s ready and blah blah blah, but I just can’t help worrying a little.
    I think my mom is about to ban me from reading anymore baby and toddler books because they just make me worry why Dylan hasn’t achieved this or that milestone, and she keeps having to tell me that Dylan hasn’t read the book so I must stop worrying.
    What I’m trying to say is enjoy every tooth and every milestone whenever they may come. Shout them out from the rooftop and don’t let anyone take away any of the excitement.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:11 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    Ah Feck. I hate those Mama Mafia types. Those comments that they sometimes make drive me absolutely batty. And I know I shouldn’t personalize it but I am a girl and therefore I do. It is even more difficult when you have a child with some developmental delays. I am now at the point where I no longer take my 3yr old to kids parties (unless it’s family or friends that know and understand our business) and I hardly take him to gatherings with children of the same age group. My DH and I are trying to let him develop according to his own time table but it is very difficult when everyone around you has a super genius baby that is actually related to Einstein!
    And Darling…your Ava is gorgeous and clever and brilliant. So is my little boy.
    xx

    September 4, 2010 at 11:56 am
  • Reply antigone1022

    I totally agree about some other mothers who announce their childs every ‘achievement’ in a competitive way. Recently I’ve found some people who I really like in real life, to be not so likeable on facebook – it seems a world where women in particular make competitive statement about their wonderful children, partners or selves. we should congratulate each other, not ourselves and use these social networking and blogging sites with humility and kindness. I love your blog because you are real and blog ups, downs, celebrations and worries and as a reader I feel I get to know the real you. good on you!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:24 pm
  • Reply emk808

    Cute pic!!! As for Momzillas, I don’t run into it often directly, but I’ll read about it on someone’s blog indirectly. For example, someone who posts about their own kid who’s already got a vocab of 10 words by the time he’s 1. She’s not necessarily doing it to boast or say “My kid is better” but it still makes me feel as though the twins are waaaaay behind in terms of language. (Which they are a little bit, but still…I don’t suspect they’re going to wind up being mute.) Every child is different, every child is special, and it doesn’t matter who talks or walks first cuz it’s not a race. If it were, my kids would be losing lol. My sister has a foster son who is just about the same size as my daughter and started walking recently (before he was 12 mos old). He’s also using a few words. But…he’s 5 months younger than the twins. And my sister doesn’t gloat or even talk about it. She’s incredibly respectful of the fact that he’s way ahead of the curve and the twins are behind. I am SOOO thankful for that!!

    September 5, 2010 at 6:06 am
  • Reply thehappynest

    Argh definitely encountered that too and it is normal and completely annoying. I just have to add though that although there definitely is a lot of competitiveness out there I do think it’s not always the case. I for instance have a son who started crawling at 5 months – and I in **no way** believe this makes him smarter/more special than any other kids, but it is something that I bring up in conversation from time to time..because it is unusual – and I’m a proud mum, kwim?! I don’t do it on purpose, it just slips out now and again. I think at base we are all such very proud mum’s and we do like any excuse to get talking about our kiddies – especially if it shows them in a good light! Kwim?
    xx

    September 6, 2010 at 9:55 am
  • Reply thehappynest

    Wanted to add that this same son who was crawling at 5 months also only started talking after he was 2 years old – and I never hesitate to bring that up either!

    September 6, 2010 at 9:56 am
  • Reply jonivdw

    I’m sorry in advance if I come across like that, urrghh! I suppose it’s human nature to want to proclaim “my daddy is bigger than yours” hee hee!! I like reading the updates cause you won’t believe how many people tell me that adoptive babies are slower than other babies urgghh!! I think Ava is a very clever and advanced little girl so don’t let it stress you out!

    September 6, 2010 at 12:19 pm
  • Reply ttcnot2easy

    Oh WELL SAID! There is just waaaaaaaaay too much of this around, which is why I don’t really want to get into conversations with too many friends or colleagues about Bella’s development!! There is always someone out there who knows better, is a qualified paed / dietician …. Gets up my nose!

    September 7, 2010 at 9:23 am
  • Reply charnetrollip

    oopsssss hope it was not me!!! hope i dont do that or seem to do that when talking about Em

    but i must agree i dont think it makes a difference what age they are when the walk, crawl, teeth etc every baby does it in there own time and every one will get to those milestons so it makes no difference how quickly they will get there

    September 7, 2010 at 4:04 pm
  • Reply anynamesavailable

    haha yes me too! H only started talking at about 2 and I mean like a word that no one but me could understand!! of course to some he was shall we say”backward” and others insisted its because I didnt feed him the right food – yeah whatever!! and as for the labourzillas – sheesh man try telling the “65million hour labour’ with no pain killers” that you had a c-sect and see them look down at you!

    September 8, 2010 at 9:25 pm
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