So after lot more tears and a whole lot of talking, I think a compromise has been reached. Not really sure how I feel about it to be honest, it kinda puts me in a place at the start of my next IVF I really wanted to avoid.
We’re going to give it one more shot. My next IVF will also be my last IVF. So I really have to pray very hard that this one last attempt will work because if it doesn’t I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I really didn’t want to start off the next round of treatment with that kind of pressure but I guess there was no getting away from it. I have to compromise. Fair is fair and its not like I can’t say I haven’t given it my best shot. By the time my next round of treatment is over, W and I will have been trying for almost 7 years. We will have spend hundreds of thousands of rands, I will have cried oceans of tears, I will have endured thousands of injections and blood tests. I will have been poked and prodded and lost my dignity more times than I care to remember. I will have picked myself up and dusted myself off more times than I thought possible. The simple fact is that while I feel I could continue on this journey till I crossed the finish line triumphantly holding a living breathing baby, my husband does not feel the same way and I can’t really say that I blame him.
So how do I feel about all of this?
TERRIFIED! But what will be will be, I just have to square my shoulders and face whatever is coming my way and pray that I have the courage and the strength to face whatever the outcome may be.