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Dear Daughters – stand or fall, I’ll be right here for you…

I never knew motherhood would challenge me the way that it has. I never understood that my daughters, their health, their well being, their happiness, had the power to take my fragile heart, the one I surrendered to them when they were placed with us,  and crush it.

Today I was reminded of that.

Ava’s class was fitted for their Grade 1 uniforms today. I was notified beforehand, and I chatted with her teacher about what to do as she is only having her assessment with the educational psychologist later this week and as a result, we have not told her yet that she is being kept back. So we, along with her teacher, decided for now to let her go head and get fitted for the uniform along with all her classmates.

Her teacher sent me a message this morning, along with the following image:

FullSizeRender (8)

Excuse the weird shoulder, I edited the image to remove the school badge.

This image… it broke me. It took my fragile heart and crushed it. It destroyed me. It hurt me. To see the excitement and pride on her face and know that soon, we’re going to crush that excitement, soon she’s going to learn a hard life lesson, sometimes…. life is hard, it’s unfair, it’s cruel and it hurts. I can’t bare it. I can’t stand it. I can’t bare the thought of what lies ahead….

And then, in the midst of my tearful meltdown at the office, this song started playing on my Deezer playlist:

And it got me thinking about all the things I want my girls to know, to learn, things I’ve love to teach them, I hope I’m always an example to them.

Dear Daughters

You’re both just two gorgeous little girls right now, and one day, I hope you read back on this letter and are reminded of all the things I tried to teach you, the examples I always tried to set for you.

Life, it’s unkind, it’s cruel and it’s unfair but there is still beauty to be found in all of it. Happiness is a choice my darlings, I have found moments of incredible beauty and joy even in the darkest depths of grief. Be happy no matter what.

Be you, always be you, your most authentic selves, stay true to who you are and NEVER compromise yourselves for anyone or anything. Stay true to yourselves and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise, you are enough, you are beautifully and uniquely designed to be exactly and perfectly as you are.

Be brave. Be kind. Say no. Live, laugh, love with your whole heart and soul. Follow your heart, always, no matter what crazy things your heart is telling you or is telling you you’re crazy! Trust your instincts always. Be a good friend.

Have fun, laugh at yourself and never take yourself too seriously, life is far too short for that.

Work to live and never live to work!

Don’t compromise who you are for anyone or anything.

Find your passion and follow it.

Feel, experience, breath and surrender to pain and emotions. Deal. Don’t run away. When you make a mistake, own it, and embrace the consequences, no matter how hard. There are lessons to be learned in humility. Don’t be prideful ever.

Face your fears, you’re braver and stronger than you think you are!

Try your best always and if you fail, get up and try again. There is no shame in failing, only in not trying at all.

And never ever doubt, no matter what happens, no matter who you are, dear daughters, stand or fall, I will always be here for you. Always. I will laugh with you, I will cry with you, I will love you and I will support you, I will feel your pain in ways and in depths and in breadths that you will not understand until/if/when you become mothers yourselves one day.

And always know, you are enough. You are more than your looks, your experiences and the tough things that will happen to you. You are more than you will ever know.

You are EVERYTHING to me.

Forever and always my loves

Mom

xxx

 

 

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22 Comments

  • Reply stephanie

    So Beautifully written, life can be tough but as long as we are there always for our kids and they know they can come to us

    October 20, 2015 at 9:03 pm
  • Reply Heather

    Ah how hard but I still think you’re doing the right thing. Beautiful letter to your girls.

    October 20, 2015 at 9:07 pm
  • Reply Ramona

    What a beautiful letter. It’s a letter that will always be so meaningful no matter how old they are.

    October 20, 2015 at 9:20 pm
  • Reply Corrina

    This made me cry! I feel your pain … Such a beautiful letter, written to beautiful daughters, by an incredible mom xx

    October 21, 2015 at 10:01 am
  • Reply Helie

    This is prob going to be a long comment as this subject is very close to my heart. My daughter was born on 18 Dec. When it came to think about her going to Gr1 she passed the tests and the teachers assured me that even thou she will be younger then the other kids that she will be fine. I trusted their knowledge. At the beginning things went fine, but halfway through the year the teacher called me in and suggest OT as she was struggling a bit. We did that for 6 months and her work did improve. Then Gr 2 came. Well within the first month I was called in by the teacher who was very concerned. She was not coping at all. And because she was struggling it took all her self confidence away. She would just shut down in class and not participate. She would cry every morning not wanting to go to school. She felt stupid. Homework was a nightmare. We would both be in tears at the end of it. Not cool at all. We had more assessments for her and she was moved from Mainstream to remedial. My daughter is a completely different person. Yes she still struggles, but now have the confidence to work through it and learn better. She will always battle the first 2 terms. This we will have to live with. She will stay in remedial next year and hopefully will be able to return to mainstream in gr4. She also has 2 friends born on the same day that have the same struggles. One is in remedial with her and the other wasn’t as lucky as there wasn’t space. Now it looks like she will be held back this year as she is not ready not go to Gr3. The point I am trying to make is that looking back I would’ve insisted that she repeat Gr R. Rather then. I honestly think it will be much worse later on if she is held back. You are making the right decision! Ava will see this as well. Maybe not straight away.

    October 21, 2015 at 10:08 am
    • Reply Sharon

      I’m in complete agreement. If you read the previous post I did on this, you’ll know my own personal experience is the same as your daughters.
      I’m very interested to hear what the ed psychologists reports say.

      October 21, 2015 at 1:11 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    Gosh that pic just broke my heart too.

    October 21, 2015 at 12:10 pm
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