Dear *I* – The Ties That Bind Us

Posted in Adoption Option by

We were in Cape Town for Christmas and met up with Auntie Wilna for a late lunch with some friends who have also adopted with her. It was a very special day and spending time with Auntie Wilna reminded me so much of the time we (you and I) spent together after Ava’s birth, memories of that day that I hold close and will treasure forever. How special you made the experience for me, being able to be present when you delivered Ava, the special moments we spent together in the ward after the birth, these moments live in my heart and I remember them daily.

Ava & Wilna
Auntie Wilna  told me that she had spoken to you about our plans to adopt again, about our desire to give Ava a sibling and I cannot express how much your blessing means to me/us.  It was so good to hear that you are doing well, it is my one true wish/prayer for you, one I pray for every day, that you will be blessed with a life of abundant happiness. You are our angel and there is not a day that doesn’t go by that we don’t speak of you, to Ava and between the two of us.
Of course, Ava played her role perfectly, telling Auntie Wilna that my tummy is broken but that she wants a little sister, called Hayley, but because my tummy was broken, we were waiting for Hayley to grow strong so she could come and live with us.
Each day she astounds me with her wisdom, for a child so young, she has wisdom and understanding beyond her years. She loves looking at the photo’s of the day she was born, she will always point out everyone in the picture, pointing at Walter saying that is her Daddy, pointing at me and saying I’m her Mama and pointing at you and saying you’re her tummy mummy. I do believe she has a curiosity about you, but that she’s still too young to formulate her questions about you just yet as she will often mention her tummy mummy in passing conversation. The other day when I was dropping her off at school,we saw the lady her runs the shuttle service at her school, her name is Tammy. I said to Ava, look there’s Tammy and her immediate response was to ask me if that’s her tummy mummy and to crane her neck to try and see better, she must have heard me say Tummy Mummy and not Tammy.
I’m often ask if I am afraid for the day when she will choose to find you and to build a relationship with you and to be honest, prior to meeting you, I was terrified of that. I was terrified that meeting you would wipe out the years I’d spent with her as her mother. Or that she would be put in a position to choose between us. But, after meeting you, after the precious time we spent together, I can honestly say, I’m not afraid at all, I’m not even a little bit insecure about it. In fact, I’d go so far as to say, I’m excited for that day when we can all be together again.  When that time comes, Walter and I will help Ava in any way we can and we would love to be apart of your reunification process in anyway we can.  The thing is, the day our adoption order was granted, the day we left the apartment in Strand, not only where your ties to Ava severed, but our ties to you too and I didn’t understand at the time how much I would miss you, how much I’d long to talk to you, how much I’d like to share Ava with you and my journey as a mother with you.
So when the time comes for you to be reunited, it will also be a time for Walter and I to be reunited with you and a lot of people don’t understand why I would want that, or why I’d look forward to that day but they don’t understand the connection we share, they don’t understand that I see you as my soul sister, that our hearts and souls are tied together for an eternity because of our common bond of love for Ava.
I read an article on Huffington Post today: How Becoming A Mother Changed My Mind About My Own Adoption, it’s written by an adult adoptee and in it the writer details the relationships and bonds that formed between her biological family and her adoptive family when she requested her records be unsealed and made contact with her birth parents.
I love how she describes the relationship that has developed between her birth mother and her adoptive mother:

A month later, the day before Mother’s Day, my mom and birth mother laid eyes on each other for the first time. They hugged each other as if they were long-lost friends and shared many tears and laughs over the next six hours. I was so relieved, because one of my biggest fears was being put in a position where I’d have to choose sides, but based on how Gloria and Monika were behaving with each other, that didn’t seem to be a worry.

Over the next several years, we formed relationships. We spent time at each other’s homes and got to know each other better. The most surprising relationship that has come out of all this is the relationship between Gloria and Monika. They adore each other and have spent endless hours together chatting away as if they have known each other their entire lives. I am the common bond that ties them together, but their relationship has evolved beyond that. I am so grateful that the woman who gave birth to me and the woman who raised me love each other unconditionally. It is a true testament to motherly love.

I see us in this description, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ava is the common bond that will tie us together for eternity and you know, I’m really ok with that, I’m more than ok, I’m honoured to be apart of something so special and to share this experience with you and with Ava.

I have learned so much from you, about sisterhood and selfless love and every day, when I look at our beautiful daughter, I know how truly blessed and honoured I am.
Till we meet again my sister.
All my love
Sharon

January 22, 2013
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5 Comments

  • Reply Mandy

    Beautiful, Sharon – just wish that I had your courage xx

    January 22, 2013 at 1:58 pm
  • Reply cat@jugglingact

    Ok, now I am crying….

    January 22, 2013 at 3:19 pm
  • Reply Sian

    Such a beautiful post. It speaks to me on many levels.

    January 23, 2013 at 10:46 am
  • Reply Lisa-Marie

    Lovely post my Shaz. Just lovely. xo

    January 23, 2013 at 12:04 pm
  • Reply Mash

    So beautiful. I so wish open adoption was possible in this country, I really think there is a place for it. Even I feel like I love your birth mother!

    February 5, 2013 at 11:23 pm
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