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Do We REALLY Want To Do This? YES!

For a few months now, Walter and I have been going backwards and forwards about whether or not adding to our family is really something we want to do. The older Ava gets, the more independent she becomes the easier parenting her has become. No more nappies, no more pajama drill, she feeds herself, chooses her own clothes and dresses herself and it more than happy to play by herself without the constant need for one of us to play with her, life has changed so much from the time she was a pap baby who needed our constant attention. She’s no longer a baby, heck, she’s no longer a toddler, she’s a fully fledged little girl and parenting her has done a 360 on what it was a year ago.

With these changes, we’ve talked endlessly about whether or not we’re up for the challenge of reverting back to life with a baby. Do we really want to go back there? Do we really want to do that? The sleepless nights, the teething, the weaning.  Are we up for it. Will we bare up under the pressure and strain that a new baby invariably brings to any relationship and family dynamic?

We just weren’t sure. I know having another child is definitely something that I want but I’m not ashamed to say that the very thought of it would fill me with both indescribable joy and fill me with utter fear.

We’ve been biding our time on making making this life altering decision, to be sure that we make the right one, not just for us, but for Ava too.

She asks constantly about when she’s going to have a sister, a sister named Hayley, yes, it’s changed from Zoe, Ava is now adamant she is having a little sister named Hayley.

On Saturday night, during the speeches of Walter’s cousins wedding, we got our answer. When the brides sister got up and gave the most beautiful and heart warming speech about what having a sister has meant to her, how her sisters love and encouragement had helped to mould and shape her, both Walter and I simultaneously turned and looked at each other, in that moment we knew that no matter how tough bringing another baby into our home would be, that yes, most definitely it is something we want to do again.

I can’t remember who, but someone told me a couple of week’s ago that we have our first child for us, but we have our second child for their sibling. For me, having a 2nd baby is both something that I want for me, but also something that I want for Ava.

So now we wait for our prayers to be answered.

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12 Comments

  • Reply Melinda

    Could have written this myself…..!

    January 28, 2013 at 9:41 am
  • Reply Corinne

    And your prayers will be! We’re in the same boat but what you said about a second baby being for the sibling, made my heart smile – I feel it too.

    All the best xxx

    January 28, 2013 at 9:43 am
  • Reply denita

    My little guy just loves his sister to bits. And while having a second child has changed the family dynamic big-time, and placed a lot more pressure on me, seeing that sibling bond develop is just priceless! I hope you get what you are wishing for soon … good luck 🙂

    January 28, 2013 at 9:51 am
  • Reply Coco

    May Ava meet her brother / sister very very soon!

    January 28, 2013 at 9:55 am
  • Reply Tracy

    As one of 3 sisters, I know my sisters mean the world to me. For that reason alone, I would encourage you to pursue your family’s dream to have another daughter, a sister for Ava. As an adoptive mum, I know that having a sibling has been very important for our older son. Having someone who looks like him and that he can share adoption with as part of his family narrative has given him confidence and reassurance of our love. Our younger son has definitely completed our family.

    Just one word of warning: having parented one baby in no way prepares you to parent another baby. LOL! In our experience, each child is so individual that what worked for one doesn’t work for the other so you have to start from scratch in your parenting. Oh, and 1 + 1 does NOT equal 2 when it comes to adding children to your family. It’s more like 1 + 1 = at least 7 for all the dynamics and relationship permutations that change. The fabulous thing is that it equals at least 7 for the amount of love and joy in the family too. I wish you good luck and lots of patience in your journey. It will happen when the time is right (which will probably be when you least expect it)!

    January 28, 2013 at 10:02 am
  • Reply Sian

    I have the same thinking, but I am still going back and forth.

    January 28, 2013 at 10:12 am
  • Reply Beth

    Ai Sharon. We have been talking about whether or not to try for another baby too. I’m terrified of twins again, because obviously there is no way to have a child without ART for us. At +1yr old the boys still don’t sleep through. I suffered badly with PPD. I am only now starting to feel more like myself again. Our relationship took a serious knock over the last year and we are still dealing with the fall out. Part of me thinks that having another baby just when everything is finally coming right seems like a silly thing to do. And we do have twins so they have each other.

    DW would love another child. She feels quite strongly about it. I’m content with our family, the boys are enough for me.

    Good luck with finding Hayley Zoe van Wyk. I’m sure she is out there waiting to come home to you.

    January 28, 2013 at 10:55 am
  • Reply jenny

    I loathe my sister. That’s not helping is it? LOL. Seriously though, when I was in Vitalab trying for my second child and told Dr J that I felt guilty as I already had one child – his words stuck with me. ‘Only you know what your vision of your family looks like and don’t get swayed from that.’ So true. I hope your vision becomes reality more than anything Sharon. xxx

    January 28, 2013 at 12:23 pm
  • Reply Lynne

    praying with you xx

    January 29, 2013 at 7:59 am
  • Reply cat@jugglingact

    I am so glad you have reached this decision. You may or may not know that I am an only child and are totally against only kids. I do not lie when I say that the older I get the more I miss not having siblings. Once my mom is gone it is only me left from our little family – no shared memories!

    January 30, 2013 at 12:53 pm
  • Reply Lisa-Marie

    I like that comment – you have your second child for your first. That is lovely.

    Still holding and crossing all my bits for you guys…!

    January 31, 2013 at 11:58 am
  • Reply Vanessa

    I agree with your totally. Our children are 13 and 10. When we adopted our eldest we felt quite strongly that we wanted her to have a sibling and even though there are days when they bicker like crazy, I still believe that in the end they will appreciate the bond. 3 years ago we adopted our darling Sofia – we were older, less stressed and it’s been a great journey. But in a few weeks time, after months of having her for weekends, a little 5 year old will also join our lives. Did we start out intending to adopt four children – No! But when we observe them together, we know it’s the right decision.

    So, we hope that all your dreams come true and that little Ava gets to be a big sister soon.

    January 31, 2013 at 1:37 pm
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