So here’s a prime example of why I am so desperate to get onto birth control. My mind needs a rest and its for this exact reason….
This is my first cycle post miscarriage, so its somewhat wonky and a bit out of whack. On CD14 I got EWCM, a sure sign that ovulation would occur within the next 24 hours. Of course, what happened exactly 24 hours later? W returned from his two week business trip to Sweden, so its not a far stretch of the imagination to know what we did???? Right???
Of course, now I’m on CD22 today. Which means that I have all those post ovulation/early preg/PMS symptoms. And so where to do you think my mind has wandered to? Of course you know! After 7 and a half years of doing, its such a habit I can’t stop it. I have all of those what if thoughts floating around in my head? What if I’m pg? What if I truly am Legend? Go on pee on a stick! You know you want to!!!
This is exactly what I need a break from. My mind needs a rest from this thing that is my reproductive system and cycle. Because while my body continues to show signs that all is working is it should be, my mind knows that somewhere there is a problem. Somewhere something is going wrong so despite my body trying to trick it in to believing otherwise.
I’m so sick of this damn internal dialogue. I’m so sick and tired of the same old thoughts in my head. The only way to stop it is to shut down my reproductive system so my mind will know that my body cannot trick it into believing or thinking anything. These thoughts are exhausting! I hate them! I need a break from them! I want a break from them!
I don’t believe in Legend!!!!!!