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#fat2fab: Week 35 – I Want To Quit But I’m NOT A Quitter!

So last week, this happened:

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And in case you’re wondering why this is such a big deal, let me reminded you where I started, just 35 weeks ago and where I aim to be by the 16th December!

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What an incredible journey. So much about me has changed in the last 8 months and I’m not just referring to how I look either. Everything about me, inside has changed too. I am feeling fantastic. Confident. Pretty. Feminine. Dare I say it… sexy even. It has changed everything about how I present and conduct myself with others. I’ve even noticed a change in my work relationships and with my clients. There is an element of playfulness and fun that I lost for a long time because I was just so ashamed and uncomfortable about how I looked and because I simply didn’t feel good. Lethargic all the time. Crampy. Weak.

But #fat2fab has made me STRONG!

In April I started running. Well walking mostly, but with some running in between and I’ve gotten stronger and stronger and fitter and fitter and frankly I’m feeling pretty damn fantastic. I originally started running to increase my calorie deficit for weight loss. But, surprisingly, I started to actually enjoy the running and I could see the massive difference it was making in my body. My core strength improved, I have no more back ache and my stomach muscles came out of hiding and started showing themselves again, I predict my 4 pack, last seen in my very early 20’s will have made a full reappearance when I get to goal weight. My legs have also dramatically trimmed down and I have no more cellulite! I know right???

Of course, being naturally competitive, the more I ran, the further I wanted to run, the faster I wanted to run and after my first (and only) 10km race I wanted to stretch myself further, so I entered the #WeRunSoweto half marathon, along with a bunch of other amazing mom’s on twitter….. and now I have SERIOUS regret!

I am a “weekend warrior” runner. I don’t have the time during the week to put in much mileage, best I can do is between 5 – 7km’s Monday to Friday and then longer ones over the weekend with a rest day thrown in for good measure. But the half marathon training program feels like it has sucked all the joy out of my running. Every run feels like pressure and really it is. I do NOT want to go into a 21km race unprepared or under trained so I HAVE to do the training and that’s where the rebel in me comes out. I just don’t want to do it, simply because I HAVE to. Does that even make sense? I’m not a quitter, I’m a pretty strong and very determined person. I have a will of iron and can white knuckle my way through just about anything, but I’m battling with the mental part of this half marathon challenge and I’m not even sure I really want to do it anymore.

Then this morning, I came across this:

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And it was like a good hard smack upside the head! “Stay the course Mother f*cker!”

And that REALLY resonates with me.

I’m still undecided about what I want to do, but will give myself a few more weeks of plodding through the training program before I decide. And this is tough for me. I don’t like being indecisive. I life firm action. A plan and a goal and working towards smashing that goal. I like to brag. I want to do this so I can give myself the Noddy badge for achieving it. So that I can blog about achieving it. So that I can brag my arse off… I DID it.

But I’m just not really sure I want to….

And I’m struggling with this!

fat2fab

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13 Comments

  • Reply Immeasurable love

    I have no advice, but I am must say……YOU have undergone an amazing transformation so far.

    September 3, 2014 at 10:38 am
  • Reply ailsaloudon

    You have done so well – don’t do it if you don’t want to! Just keep doing what you really want to do!

    September 3, 2014 at 10:45 am
  • Reply Cassie

    Sharon you will be fine doing the Half 🙂 I ran for the first time ever in September (all Tanya’s fault) and then slowly started running more often. By October I was doing 3 – 5kms every second night. I got German Measles Mid November and that put a complete stop to any training, running etc, I was unable to move from the pain. The first time I did any form of walking or running again was in January. I ran the Pick n Pay Half on the 9th Feb with only 11kms combined training done from November to February – not something I would recommend to anyone, but I did it and did it without injury.

    As a newbie runner you are doing amazingly well – Im in complete awe of you and your progression. Keep up the hard work

    September 3, 2014 at 10:50 am
  • Reply Karien @ Running the Race

    As a running nut my advice to you would be to do the type of running that you love. I HEART running, but training for full marathons just isn’t my thing. Long, slow training run after long, slow training run just sucks all the joy out of running for me personally. But I LOVE training for half-marathons and 10 kays – the intervals and hill repeats and faster, shorter runs fan my running flame. So I’ve done a grand total of one marathon (which I’m glad I did, just for the experience), but it’s not me. Now I focus on the shorter distances that I love, and I love it!

    So do one half-marathon, if you feel that you must, or don’t (there’s NO shame in sticking to 10 k races if you prefer those), but don’t lose your love for running! Run what you love. Good luck – and awesome job on your transformation so far – wow!

    September 3, 2014 at 10:52 am
  • Reply jenty

    I like what Karlien had to say.
    I chatted to Rene at RWFL last night about the same thing… I can’t run further than 8km during the week, and it’s starting to stress me out.
    But like you, I’m determined to run this race.

    September 3, 2014 at 12:11 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      Ja that’s the thing, I find fitting the week running schedule into my busy working mom’s schedule so damn hard!

      September 3, 2014 at 12:24 pm
  • Reply Bo

    Running shouldn’t be stressful. I’ve learnt that the hard way. And someone once taught me to remember that the races are always there. The half marathons come & go each year. But don’t lose your love of just plain and simple running.

    September 4, 2014 at 9:12 pm
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