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#fat2fab: Week 40 – The Problem In My Head

40 weeks…. 40 weeks since we decided to change our lives, our health & our bodies. It really is quite unreal…

As a side note to everyone who thinks LCHF is not sustainable…. 40 weeks…. or 280 days…. Or 6720 hours….or 403200 minutes…. Not sustainable my arse! A traditional low fat diet was sustainable for me for a week without overeating, being consumed by thoughts of food or falling off the wagon within a period of days!

I am literally, to steal a phrase from my very funny husband…. The breadth of an ants ball hair away from breaking through the 30kg loss mark. I won’t lie, the last couple of kg’s have been tough. It’s like my body is fighting to stay fat…. Every big weight loss milestone was easy, dropping below 110kg’s, dropping below 100kg’s and then it started to get tougher when I dropped below the 90kg mark. I’m literally a few grams away from dropping below 88kg’s and that will bring my total loss to 30kg’s but it feels like it’s a goal I’m constantly flirting with but getting no action from. For the last two weeks, I come within a couple of grams of it, then my weight goes up a few hundred, drop a few, gain a few, I’m still just hovering there. What is interesting is that the same thing happened at 90kg’s. I hung there for weeks, being teased by it, then suddenly one day it just happened! I’m expecting anymore now to have busted through that next barrier.

There is one area I’m really struggling with…. My mind! My mind is still that of a fat chic. Or at least, I still think I am. Just this morning I was getting dressed for work, in my work staples, jeans & I put on a tank top and then went hunting for something matching I could wear over the tank top to hide my body in when Walter came walking out the bathroom and told me to take the little shoulder cover off, he was like… “You know you don’t need to wear that anymore, you’re not fat, you don’t need to hide anything!” And his right. But on the inside I still feel the same and I suppose my inside doesn’t match with what’s showing on the outside just yet, I wonder if that will ever change?

I went to the office bathroom and took a selfie just to prove to myself that I did indeed just wear a tank top to work today and I did get teased by my work mates about not standing close to them because…. “skinny bitch” … Is it odd that these comments, while very flattering (and believe me I love them) also on some level embarrass me because I feel like everyone must be lying?

Here’s a comparison…. Week 1 to Week 40. I know intellectually that week 40 is me now, but in my minds eye, I still see myself as the person in the Week 1 photo and I’m not sure that will ever change.

Week 40 Comparison

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33 Comments

  • Reply Charlene

    It will! It just takes your mind a lot longer to catch up. Shedding the emotional ‘weight’ takes time. Looking hot babe!!

    October 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm
  • Reply poppiechoffel

    I still cannot believe that you ever looked like you did in week 1, and I was here at the start of your journey!. Absolutely amazing transformation! ^5!!

    October 8, 2014 at 12:02 pm
  • Reply Fabulous Mommy

    You’re doing so well Sharon. Carry on kicking ass. The weightloss is just a perk at this point. You’re gorgeous and fit and giving your kids the gift of a healthy parent.

    You’ve go this!

    October 8, 2014 at 12:16 pm
  • Reply Immeasurable Love

    I haven’t lost as much as you have but I also have the same thoughts. I had so many compliments on Saturday when we saw people that we hadn’t seen in a while and while it was nice I felt a little embarrassed. I haven’t received this type of attention in a long time and its weird for me. KWIM?

    October 8, 2014 at 12:49 pm
  • Reply Jackie Hayter

    I can completely relate! I still feel the same inside.

    I also get stuck on the ‘significant’ numbers, sometimes for weeks at a time. It is definitely a subconscious stalling tactic. I even saw a counsellor for a number of weeks, because I couldn’t break through the 100kg mark for months! I think the one advantage of not weighing myself for a few weeks, would be not knowing where I am, but I cannot bring myself to not getting on the scale every day.

    Many years ago I lost 38kg in quite a short time, then regained it all and way more. I think losing fast makes it difficult for the mind to keep up. Now I’m doing it very slowly, and it has become a lifestyle. I am hoping that it will make it more sustainable, because I am doing a lot of the work in my head at the same time too.

    October 8, 2014 at 12:58 pm
  • Reply Señorita Trouble (@LadySayFuckALot)

    *Wolf whistles* Shexshy! The transformation is unbelievable. What an achievement. You’re looking fantastic!

    October 8, 2014 at 2:21 pm
  • Reply Rene'

    yip will just have to call you “skinny bitch” more often then. 🙂

    October 8, 2014 at 2:21 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      You can… I like it!

      October 8, 2014 at 2:24 pm
  • Reply jedanna

    I think the woman who lost 30 or 40 KGS is amazing. I’m 5’11” and weigh 73 kgs. I want to get back to 63 kgs, but am finding it hard going. But sticking to the Banting food.

    October 8, 2014 at 4:16 pm
  • Reply Heather

    Congrats Sharon! I’m sure you will get there. The mind is a powerful thing hey…

    October 8, 2014 at 9:36 pm
  • Reply gill

    It’s having to deny thoughts of 40 odd years to make way for new ones. It might take a while and we have to constantly remind ourselves.

    October 9, 2014 at 7:32 am
  • Reply Jenny

    Hey S, I was having this chat with a mom at the school the other day – she has worked hard to change her feelings around how her Dad made her feel – like she always had to be perfect for him. Anyway she said she has had great success with cognitive behaviour therapy where you can actually change 40 years of conditioning! She went here. http://www.bonadeacentre.co.za/cognitive-behavior-therapy.html I am considering it myself. Because really these old patterns are just self-sabotaging and as much as we change our eating habits, so should we change our thinking habits too!

    October 9, 2014 at 9:50 am
    • Reply Sharon

      This is probably a good idea! Even in my teens & early 20’s when I was thin, I thought I was fat so brain training may be the answer!

      October 9, 2014 at 10:19 am
  • Reply Ronel

    There is a book by dr. Caroline Leaf at CUM books, about detoxing your brain. not sure about the titel now. Very good to think different

    October 25, 2014 at 9:40 am
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