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Feeling Sick

That’s how I feel. I’m so unbelievably anxious that I feel sick. The past 7.5 years have been filled with moments of pure joy & hope, followed by crushing disappointment and sadness. I keep expecting the same thing to happen again. I keep waiting for something to go wrong. I keep my phone with me half expecting our SW’s to call and say they’ve made a terrible mistake and that they phoned the wrong adoptive parents. I’m so terrified of meeting the BM on the weekend and having her dislike us and change her mind that I’ve had sporadic bouts of tears.

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up after the birth and be holding the baby, I’m so afraid of this period in between, in no man’s land. Not quite sure if I should throw myself wholeheartedly into the planning and preparation or if I’m jumping the gun.

I just keep reminding myself the our SW’s have more than 30 years experience and that they know how fragile and easily hurt we infertiles are. I have to trust that they would not put me in harms way without good reason.

Oh and for those of you who’re wondering why I’m so stressed and feeling overwhelmed….. the baby is due next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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35 Comments

  • Reply Amanda

    Sharon your feelings are so understandable! You are a new mommy-to-be and anxiousness is a pre-requisite for moms:)The BM chose you because she knows that you guys will be the perfect parents for the baby, which is now YOUR baby. She will like you guys even more when she meets you. You will feel much better when you hold your baby in your arms, then all sorts of other anxious feelings arrive, but those are not bad:))

    December 8, 2009 at 9:13 am
  • Reply Hanneke

    WHAT?????? Due next week? I am so amazed i cannot close my mouth properly, this is so awe inspiring, Oh Sharon, you are gonna be a MOMMY in about 1 week … I just read your previous post and was wondering when the baby was due, i cant stop saying this, ITS AWESOME !!!!!!! We serve an amazing GOD !!!

    December 8, 2009 at 9:13 am
  • Reply Liz

    Sharon – your SW is an angel, we adopted 2 wonderful children through her and she knows exactlty what to do, she performs miracles!!! Congratulation Mommy!! Just be yourself and don’t worry everything is in Gods hands.

    December 8, 2009 at 9:20 am
  • Reply Melanie

    OMW!!! I only read yesterdays post today, i am SOOOOOOOO happy for you. I have never met you and i like, respect and admire you, im sure the BM will love you and know that she has made the right choice in choosing you, you deserve this. Miracles always seem to happen around Christmas, it is now your turn to have a miracle 😉

    December 8, 2009 at 9:46 am
  • Reply Dee

    I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Its like the 2ww compounded x1000000, alot more is at stake here, this is a real live baby. There is no possible way that the BM is not going to like you, pls dont worry about that. Your heart is on the line here but imagine in less than a week you could be a mommy. Hold onto that.
    I am so incredibly happy for you!!!
    xxx

    December 8, 2009 at 9:49 am
  • Reply jan

    im with Amanda – also…go shopping!! you deserve to enjoy all the fun shopping so grab W and youtr mom and go crazy! – and believe me when baby VW comes youll not have time!

    December 8, 2009 at 9:53 am
  • Reply Sian

    Jeepers I am nervous and excited for you!!! Just saying loads of prayers for you…xxx

    December 8, 2009 at 9:58 am
  • Reply Elize

    My dear friend, I’m so incredibly incredibly happy for you! So overwhelming, scary, sudden and wonderful at the same time. I can’t wait to meet your baby, and see the two of you as parents! Finally!

    December 8, 2009 at 10:05 am
  • Reply Jenny

    Sheesh. they don’t give you much time to prepare! I am about to mail you something. so exciting Sharon – it was clearly meant to be! xx

    December 8, 2009 at 10:05 am
  • Reply Gwen

    Of course you’re frantic, only an uncaring person wouldn’t be. Remember that the BM is sick with worry too. Holding everything that this miracle continues for you.

    December 8, 2009 at 10:07 am
  • Reply Nix

    Every Mommy to be feels ill, anxious and downright scared. It doesn’t matter if your baby grows in your heart or in your belly. What you are feeling is completely normal. We will continue to pray that this is THE little Angel that has been waiting for you.

    December 8, 2009 at 10:25 am
  • Reply Lesley

    Oh my goodness, Sharon! As amazing as your post is I am somehow not very surprised. This just feels right. I think you’ll blow the socks off the BM on the weekend, just be yourself, snotty tears and all. Next week! eekk! Girl, you are going to have to take your self off to the shops and heat up that credit card!

    December 8, 2009 at 10:34 am
  • Reply Lea White

    Oh my! That is so soon! I am praying so hard that this is your moment. Just hang in there, take a deep breath and as you said – your SW has loads of experience!!!

    December 8, 2009 at 10:38 am
  • Reply Sue

    That is just wonderful Sharon! I’m so pleased for you and W. I know what it’s like to do a rushed shop, we got the call 7pm Monday and fetched Nathan lunchtime Wednesday, so will mail you a list of what I found helpful in the first few days. I’m sure you’ll receive TONS of gifts though :-).

    December 8, 2009 at 11:24 am
  • Reply Zeu

    Shaz,
    WOW! Trust in the Lord! Trust in you inner beings, you have so much love to offer this little one, I promise you, it will shine thru!

    Hoping and praying for your miracle!
    D

    December 8, 2009 at 11:32 am
  • Reply Sandy

    Deep breaths and open yourself up to the calming thoughts that all of us are sending you. Or not, since that type of advice is so easy to give and accept, but so hard to act upon. I’ll keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you. Huge hugs!

    December 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm
  • Reply Mash

    Well look at it this way. No matter what happens in the coming week, at some time you ARE going to be a mommy. That you know for sure now. So go SHOPPING and revel in every moment of it. Start to allow yourself to believe… Is she having a natural birth? If so it could be any time, good grief. Hang in there. I’m sure you will have a wonderful bonding time with the BM!

    December 8, 2009 at 12:45 pm
  • Reply SCY

    This is it my friend.

    I know you’re anxious and feeling it hectically right now. BUT this is it. Your empty arms are going to be filled.

    I’m not going to say “enjoy the moment” and “forget about your fears” cos they are natural feelings to have right now…

    What I am going to say is “Damn I can’t wait!!!”

    xxx

    December 8, 2009 at 1:09 pm
  • Reply Lynese

    Oh Sharon, I am feeling so emotional for you. It must be a whirlwind of emotion….exhausting stuff. It is so understandable that you are feeling so vulnerable and anxious. Will pray for peace and for the blessings to continue.
    God has you in the palm of his hand.
    x

    December 8, 2009 at 1:43 pm
  • Reply Robyn

    You are going to be perfect. You have been preparing yourself for this moment for 7.5 years, and nothing is going to stop your journey now. xxx

    December 8, 2009 at 1:46 pm
  • Reply charne

    i hear you my friend!

    the nerves and the thinking its all a dream are SO normal!!!

    We just have to believe this is it!

    I know the meeting with the BM will be an amzaing experience! I will NEVER forget meeting our BM!

    Will be keeping you in my thoughts my friend!!

    lovies
    xxx

    December 8, 2009 at 1:56 pm
  • Reply Invivo

    This is your moment! Enjoy every thrilling bit of it! xxx

    December 8, 2009 at 2:13 pm
  • Reply WiseGuy

    Well, Sharon…the pace at which everything suddenly turned from gloom to bloom is absolutely overwhelming….I am super-excited for you.

    I hope the BM will love you, and that you will have the baby…this is going to be a wonderful Christmas for you after all!!!!

    December 8, 2009 at 2:34 pm
  • Reply Mandy Brophy

    Hi Sharon

    I have been following your journey from the sideline for a very long time and I am in tears at the thought that your dreams are becoming a reality. I am also the mother to a beautiful adoptive daughter. She has changed our lives forever and I know that you will have the same experience.

    Enjoy every moment. I am reliving our experience by reading your blog. Thinking and praying for you. God Bless

    Mandy

    December 8, 2009 at 2:52 pm
  • Reply Kristin

    Honey, throw yourself into it. Enjoy. Have a fabulous time. OMG only 1 week!!!

    December 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm
  • Reply Charmi

    Hi S 🙂 Been reading your blog daily – havent commented for awhile now – because I never felt like I had the right thing to say to you – but jissie man!! Congratulations!!!! I couldnt believe my eyes when I opened up your blog today? I had to read it about 5 times to make sure I was even on the correct page! You will be perfect and everything will work out like it should! This wouldnt have happened to you if you cant handle it. So trust your mother instinct – get your butt in the shops and ENJOY!! You going to have an AWESOME Christmas!!! xoxoxoxo

    December 8, 2009 at 3:01 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    Am so unbelievably excited!!! You know what? Run outside and SCREAM!!!!!!!It’ll make you feel better! Then run back inside, grab your credit card and go and spend!! That will DEFFO make you feel better! x

    December 8, 2009 at 3:55 pm
  • Reply Corrina

    Am awestruck and so incredibly happy for you guys. After all this time … everything will come together and finally you will be the parents you have always dreamed you would be. I look forward to seeing pictures of your miracle angel. Best Christmas present ever!

    December 8, 2009 at 5:55 pm
  • Reply sophie

    Oh Sharon, I just do not know what to say. Next week !! Congratulations.
    It is all wonderful and I am praying it continues that way.
    Perhaps the BM has also fears … I am confident something will flow between the two of you.

    December 8, 2009 at 6:43 pm
  • Reply Gen

    ooooo I can see where you are coming from, take one day at a time, breath in and out and NEVER forget that you deserve to be happy and are entitled to it, this is YOUR TURN to be happy and have what you want…………You have what it takes …….

    I am so happy for you and cannot wait…… and remember Instinct kicks in, and there are people who care about you,who will support you so there will ALWAYS be a helping hand.

    December 8, 2009 at 7:22 pm
  • Reply Elana Kahn

    Holy shnikies! Due next week???? OMGOMGOMGOMG! Do you know what gender the baby is? What if she goes into labor today? GAAAAHHHH!!

    December 8, 2009 at 8:34 pm
  • Reply lolly

    hi sharon
    you may or may not remember me… but that aside.
    ive been following your blog for roughly 2 years, and i just want to say that I am thrilled for you!
    You have always known and believed that God will answer your prayers, hold onto that! the day is here!

    Congrats mommy!

    December 8, 2009 at 9:49 pm
  • Reply Stacey

    Wow, next week?!? I was so happy to read your previous post!! I absolutely can’t wait to see this all unfold. Praying all will go smoothly and that the Lord will calm all of your fears and worries. I imagine it must feel pretty fragile and new and even scary, but I have all confidence that you’ll be great! Cheering you on!

    December 8, 2009 at 11:20 pm
  • Reply Chopper1

    OMG!!!!!!! Next week????? I cannot imagine how beSIDE yourself with excitement you are!! No wait – seriously, I cannot imagine!! You are going to have the bestest Christmas ever!!!

    December 9, 2009 at 7:43 am
  • Reply Yvonne

    NEXT WEEK??????????
    *faint*
    I was honestly expecting you to say that she’s 4 months along or something.
    Holy moly!!
    Wow, wow, wow.
    I’m feeling so tearful for you gorgeous Shaz, you just deserve this so, so much.
    (((((HUGS))))
    x

    December 10, 2009 at 12:01 pm
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