We have spent the last almost 8 years in pursuit of parenthood. Trying to get pregnant, trying to stay pregnant, trying to figure out why I battle to get pregnant and why I battle to stay pregnant.
We have tried just about everything. A regular gynea, about 3 different homeopaths, reflexology, acupuncture, body stress release, herbs, lotions and potions, a consult at one fertility clinic and treatment at two other fertility clinics.
With each new pursuit, the practitioner has led us to believe that they have found the problem, that they can speculate at a diagnosis. I’ve been speculatively diagnosed with the following long list:
- 2x orange size fibroids
- immunological issues
- high stress levels
- elevated insulin levels
- blood clotting issues
- shared antigens
- natural killer cells
- partial uterine septum
- uterine scarring
- 3 degree hydrosalpingus
Of course, this was all speculative as none of the millions of tests we’ve had done over the years ever picked up anything significant and each time there was a new speculation, it was treated, I’ve had treatment for every single one of the conditions listed above. Not one of the treatments was ever successful. It was all just speculation at the end of the day. Our case left all the practitioners and Dr’s scratching their heads and trying to find a new reason why I battled to fall pregnant and why I couldn’t stay pregnant.
After my last miscarriage in September 09, the speculation followed the natural progression and we were then told that there must simply be a genetic issue with my eggs. We were given two choice:
- GIFT – as it would increase the chances of natural selection of a healthy egg, but to be honest, after 7 pregnancies and countless chemical pregnancies, I was very skeptical that there even was such a thing as a healthy egg anywhere inside my body.
- Donor Eggs, this was the option we were considering, I could not face another round of treatment with my own eggs and run the risk of the same outcome, of having my hopes and my heart crushed by another miscarriage or chemical pregnancy.
Of course, again, it was all speculation, as if I’m honest, I’d have to say we have completely unexplained infertility, there is no obvious reason why things kept turning out the way they did. And I knew that should I go the GIFT or DE route, that ultimately we were taking a massive risk with no guarantee and that should that fail, the next obvious step would be surrogacy.
Thankfully, we never got that far, thankfully, our tummy mummy selected us before we could slide any further down the black, money sucking pit that is fertility treatment for us. But today, I can with clearest clarity say I know why I am infertile. I finally have a “diagnosis” and its NOT speculative. Its not experimental.
I am infertile because of destiny. I am infertile because of fate. I am infertile because God, the universe, whatever you’d like to believe or call it, I like to think its God, always intended for me to be my little darlings mother. I was not made infertile for any other reason, other than waiting for the time to be right for this beautiful child to enter the world and be ours.This is how it was always meant to be. Its why none of the Dr’s could ever find a reason for our infertility, there was only one reason and it was not medical, it was based on fate, on destiny, on God’s plan for W to be a father to this amazing child and for me to be a mother to her.
So my infertility diagnosis – its fate really!