This is Elizabeth’s story.
Elizabeth has chosen to remain anonymous and I respect her choice to do so! 50% of her family are adoptees.
Here is Elizabeth’s voice:
When and how did you learn that you were adopted?
From little I knew I was adopted, my mom and dad were very open about it.
How did this make you feel then?
No different to any other kid. I just looked different from my people.
How does this make you feel now?
Sometimes I get irritated that people see you as different because you were adopted. I feel no difference. I am who I am.
Is there anything you feel could have been done differently by your adoptive parents that would have helped you?
No, absolutely nothing – I have awesome parents! My mom is my biggest champion.
Is there any one thing that your adoptive parents could have done to ease your struggle with identity?
Nope – nada nix! I didn’t know there was “supposed” to be a struggle as an adoptee.
What are you needs/wants/desires from your birth/first parents?
What do you want adoptive parents to know?
That just because you have to adopt to become a parent doesn’t make you any less of a mom or dad to the kid you have. Stop over compensating for adopting your child. Children, whether adopted or natural born all need discipline and boundaries and love.
What do you want birth parents to know?
Nothing, they actually do not feature in my life at all
What do you think should be done differently in adoptions today?
I honestly do not feel comfortable with open adoption, I have a niece and nephew who were both adopted – niece was an open adoption. It got odd, to the point of the birth parents stalking us on Facebook, I have friends who know the birth parents and we have had to ask them to please not mention us at all to the birth parents. Sending presents to my niece. All very odd. And my nephew all we know is he got put into the door of hope a day or so after birth, wrapped in his birth mothers gown.
Me – I lived at Princess Alice for a couple of weeks. Then went home to my mom and dad. With minimal info as the child welfare wanted it in those days.
What has been your experience with the primal wound?
Am I wounded? Sorry I didn’t know I had to be wounded.
Any parting thoughts? Or points you’d like to add?
Adoptive parents need to stop over analyzing every situation. It makes us crazier. Your child is like any other – they can suffer from ADD, Autism, Asperger’s, Asthma, bi polar or any childhood disease. Stop trying to blame the adoption on these conditions or any other conditions. I firmly believe that many conditions are manifested due to paranoia or negative thought.
I am a mom, my daughter is 11, and I am open with her about my adoption. She has the best granny in the world.
Adoption becomes part of your life, your being. Mom and I have a good laugh when we go out and people are like wow you look so different! I just say ja my dad was dark! We find it a fun game to play.
I found Elizabeth’s views fascinating, in that they are quite different to those expressed by other adoptees I have spoken with an interviewed. It just goes to show that everyone’s story is different, there is no right or wrong way to feel or experience your own story.