Dear R – As We Approach Hannah’s birthday…
You’ve been on my mind so much the last few days as we approach Hannah’s second birthday. Your warrior princess has developed in leaps and bounds over the past few months, talking up a storm, idolizing her big sister, copying everything she does and getting over her fear of animals. It’s been a joy and a pleasure to witness.
This morning I was chatting with a fellow adoptive mom, who is in a similar situation to me. She has a close relationship with her one birth mom with direct access and easy communication but no access or communication with her daughter’s birth mom. So similar to the situation we’re in with Ava and Hannah. Ava’s birth mom and I… well, I’m not really sure how you’d describe our relationship really, but we are friends on Face Book, we have each other’s telephone numbers and we keep in contact. Not living in each other’s pockets or invading each other’s privacy but having access to each other should we need quick contact for whatever reason, I think for her, having access to me on Face Book is a source of comfort. Whenever she’s sad, or missing Ava or just wondering how she’s doing, she only has to head over to my page to get updates.
Also, I like having the contact with her, I feel it’s important for Ava, for the questions she may have when she’s older about who her birth mother is, how to find her and connect with her if/when the time comes. This is something I will encourage, if Ava is curious, I want her to know that we will support her and assist her in any way we possibly can, this is one of the reasons I hold my relationship with her birth mom so close to me, it’s important for my daughter.
But I won’t lie, sometimes I worry for Hannah. Right now, she’s very young and doesn’t understand her situation but how will she feel when she’s older and she realizes that I have a relationship with her sisters birth mom and not with you? Will she be confused by this? And when the time comes and she wants to find you, how will I help her, how difficult will it be to find you? I know you have your reasons for keeping your distance and I totally respect that but I wanted you to know that if having direct contact to us is something you would like, we are totally open to it. You are as much a part of Hannah’s life as we are, an integral part of her story, her history, her heritage and neither Walter nor I would ever deny that.
I don’t know if you read my blog, I know I’ve googled you and searched for you on Face Book and other social media platforms, in this day and age, it’s not hard to find someone, you just hop online. Curiosity keeps me looking out for glimpses of you, a need to know that you are ok. And I wonder if you’ve done the same? It’s how Ava’s birth mom and I connected to, we found each other on social media and after skirting the issue and doing an intricate dance with each other, approaching and backing away, we finally found the courage to connect and it’s been a beautiful thing. A blessing for me, for her and ultimately for Ava too.
So if that is something you’d like to do, I’d like you to know I’m totally open to it.
Forever and always, all our love and till we meet again.