Yesterday was a typically blue Monday for me. It was a long day, I was tired and cursing myself for this little motivational I put out into the world on Sunday:
Because mostly it felt like life decided to see if I really could handle all that it could throw at me. It was just one of those days. Those annoying days where you wake up moody for no apparent reason and where stupid stuff got me down, like my hair dryer breaking, being late for work, dealing with a million requests and trying to keep clients happy, juggling my budget for the week before pay day (hello sad little salty crack snacks) and the cherry on the top…..
The little Jozie thunderstorm yesterday knocked out every single robot on my way home. As a working mom, I operate under very tight timelines and getting home from work is no different. I leave the office at 4pm and have to be home by 4:30pm when our nanny knocks off for the day, she’s also had a long day and been there since early, so I feel strongly about being on time because she also has to travel far to get home. My little 8km drive home yesterday took an hour and twenty minutes. After all the (really) petty things that had set me off yesterday and pushed my mood into a darker and darker place, I was in an utterly foul mood by the time I walked into the house at 5:20pm yesterday.
But instead of being able to take a moment to catch my breath from the day, because of how late I was, I immediately had to shift gears from working woman to mom. Trying to get my bra and work shoes off (these are priorities when getting home from work) while the dogs weaved in and out of my legs demanding their supper which was so very late and Hannah demonstrated some dance she’d learned at school and Ava recited some new Afrikaans poem she had learned. I went stumbling upstairs to relieve myself of the offending bra and shoes with an entire entourage of singing, whining, dancing and barking. Not exactly calming on my frazzled nerves. But in hindsight, I see how truly comical the scene must have been.
Then it was time to feed the hounds and start packing lunches and preparing dinners for everybody, again amidst a gaggle of signing, dancing, fighting, whining and calls for me to look at every random leaf collected and stone stored as a treasure by my children throughout the course of their day. I know I sound so petty and ungrateful, but my nerves were just so frazzled and the noise and constant demands for my attention while I was rushing to get them fed between handling the pleas for a muffin, an apple, a munchie (Hannah’s word for Naartjie) or a banana because apparently they were both soooooo hungry they couldn’t wait for their dinner….
Well, it all just got a bit much for me….
Half an hour later, their dinner was ready and I took it through to the table they eat at. Ava took one look at what was on offer and told me…. she doesn’t like it and she’s not eating it…
Yeah, I lost it…. in the most immature way…. I grabbed a small plastic kids chair and threw it under the dining room table.
And then I saw my children’s faces and I felt like shit! Really, it’s not my finest moment as a person or as a parent. But some days…..
Have you ever just had a day where your frustration builds up and builds up and builds up and you’re being pulled in so many different directions and every little thing just gets harder and harder to deal with till you just completely explode? Until, one tiny, stupid thing, is like a match to a flame and you simply explode?
My children have witnessed me throwing a chair, screaming like a banshee, banging my own head against the wall! So don’t be shy to share!