I’ve been booked off work for a few days with the flu, so I spent most of yesterday when not trying to sleep, browsing through the various channels looking for something to watch. Have you noticed how much junk is on TV during the day?
Whilst clicking through the channels I came across a movie that was just about to start – Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy – so I decided to check it out and I’m so glad that I did! I LOVED this movie, based on the experience & life of Geralyn Lucas and her battle with breast cancer at age 27.
There were so many incredible messages of bravey, survival, love & friendship in the movie and I found so many parallels between her journey and those of us battling infertility. Granted, I’m not fighting for my life, but many of the issues are very very similar. The movie briefly touches on so many of these parallels that I would love to read the book as I’m sure the book will delve into these issues in more detail and I believe there is so much I can learn from this.
The movie touches on how loosing her breasts causes her to feel as though she’s not physically attractive and less of a woman – I know I can relate to that with my infertility, I have to keep reminding myself that I am as much woman as my fertile friends, that just because I cannot do what so many woman can do without much thought or effort, that at my core, I’m still very much a woman.
The movie touches on the importance of girlfriends and having a strong support system and I know this to be true as my journey has been lightened by the introduction of a core group of women into my life who love, lift and support me through the darkest days.
The movie touches on feelings of loneliness & isolation – the scene where she’s at the baby shower, with her hair thinning and standing off to one side, feeling isolated and alone amidst all the happiness – I can relate to that. I’ve often felt during the darkest days of my infertility like the world continues to move forward and that God forgets me trapped in some pit of misery.
The movie touches on her insecurities surrounding her husband and his fidelity and I can so relate to that as I have in the past often told W that he should leave me and find himself a new wife, one that is less broken, one that can give him what he deserves.
The movie touches on her husbands feelings of helplessness as he watches his wife fight the cancer and how he feels isolated and alone as she surrounds herself with warrior women, I know W can relate to that, I know that he has often told me that the most painful part of this journey for him is watching me get my hopes crushed time and again, watching me put myself out there, go through the physical exhaustion of an IVF only to be crushed at the end of it.
I loved that she had a mantra that she repeated over and over too herself, I too have a mantra, its a song that I sing to myself (now I must really sound like a loon) that gives me courage when I’m afraid. I love the idea of the lipstick for courage and as I know with my last IVF I carried symbols of my courage with me too.
So if you haven’t seen the movie or read the book, I would highly recommend it.
Ok, back to into bed for me!