I came across this video last night…. it brought back so many emotions and memories of our own adoption journey. I related to Walt’s and Annie’s story on so many levels, because their story could be our story.
New readers to this blog may not know this, but prior to Ava & Hannah’s placement, Walter and I went on one hell of a journey through pain, heartache & grief. I put a fake smile on my face so many times during our 7+ year struggle with infertility, uttering the painful and empty words – “I’m so happy for you!” at others pregnancy and birth announcements, wondering when it would be our turn. Maternity ward visits, looking through the glass into the nursery where yet another friend of family members precious new born lay, with tears in my eyes and such a deep sense of longing, there is no way I can put into words to explain it so you could understand that sense of deep longing, of grief, of wonder, of overwhelming sadness but also awe at another new life. Falling pregnant and being cautiously optimistic, wondering, is this it? Is our dream finally coming true? Only to have our hopes dashed with another wretched miscarriage. I had 7 confirmed miscarriages by the end of our journey. I was broken emotionally and spiritually. .
Walter did not want to adopt initially, just like Walt in this video, he wasn’t initially open to it. And there came a time, about 7 years into our journey where I somehow came to a place of peace. Where I decided to give up my life’s dream of motherhood and accept our circumstance. When I learned to stop fighting against the hand I’d been dealt and instead surrender to it. Where I learned to try and redirect the desires of my heart and find other ways of living a full and meaningful life, even thought it wasn’t the life I always wanted.
But, right from the very beginning, her name was Ava-Grace and she was meant for me, for us, she was always going to be our daughter, I felt she had been promised to me. And then our miracle happened….
Please take the time to watch this video, you may be struggling with infertility yourself, or perhaps you know someone who is battling with infertility, this video is inspiring, it’s touching and it just reminded me that no matter how impossible a situation, no matter how unlikely the circumstance, miracles happen and dreams can come true in spite of it all.
And then… it happened again…. and her name is Hannah and I learned that we can be blessed in ways far greater than we ever could have imagined.