My day starts somewhere between 4am & 5am Monday’s to Friday’s and I have a bruising schedule that lasts all week. On most days, by 6am, I have packed lunches, prepared breakfasts, gone for a run and gotten back home and ready to start yelling/herding/nagging my children to eat their damn breakfast, brush their teeth and get dressed for school.
I enjoy a 20 minutes of peace and quiet, after I’ve literally done a high speed drive by of Hannah’s school and practically flung her from the moving car into the waiting arms of her teacher, where I sit in traffic, listening to the radio before I arrive at the office, yank off my mom hat in pull on my professional working hat.
I’m an account manager for an importer, we are going into peak trading season. This means that I spend most of the day just feeling overwhelmed by my work load and pressure, running from pillar to post and mentally trying to keep track of all the i’s that need dotting the t’s that need crossing.
Then I race out of the office, while yanking off my professional worker hat and haphazardly pulling on my mom/wife hat, trying to seamlessly transition from one role into the next. Afternoons involve last minute shopping/errands/extra murals that need to be taken care of and trying to fetch Ava from school and be home on time for our nanny to leave at 16h30.
When I get home, I try to give myself just a 10 minute breather. I usually make a cup of coffee and take it out onto the patio with magazine or my kindle.
I’m like donkey that keeps bashing my head in the same place. Stupid ass. I mean, really, I have two children aged between 2 & 5 plus 3 dogs, one of which is practically attached at my hip. My 10 minute break is usually a massive source of frustration for me. I land up screaming at the naughty dog to stop harassing the little dogs, I land up screaming at my kids to stop fighting, or to simply take a step back so that they’re not quite so in my face and I can actually sip my coffee, the whining, the fighting….
Then it’s time to start packing lunches for the next day, preparing suppers, feeding dogs, packing out school clothes and checking school bags, ensuring that all the extra mural bags are packed, all this while screaming at my kids to eat their damn food and yelling at the naughty dog to get away from the kids while they’re eating. Then it’s bath time and this is usually when Walter arrives home from work and he usually finds me standing sullenly in the kitchen, feeling completely overwhelmed and near breaking point. (no lies, last week, when I heard him arrive home, I took my iPod and went and locked myself in the toilet for 10 minutes with the ear buds jammed in my ears and the volume on full blast).
The first time I get to actually sit down is at around 19h30 to eat my dinner and by then I’m exhausted and it’s time to shower and get into bed by 21h00 so that I can do a rinse repeat the following day.
But the last couple of week’s, I’ve been feeling extra overwhelmed. It doesn’t help that I have Whatsapp, Skype and work email on my phone. I am busy literally ALL the time. It feels like I never have a moment to switch off. I’ve become extremely possessive of that hour between 19h30 and 20h30 when I can read my book and just be left alone.
Earlier this week, as I was rushing out the office, yanking my professional hat off and stumbling around to pull my mom hat on, I could hear my phone pining away in my bag… Skype messages from a client and I wanted to take my phone and throw it into the bushes in the car park. I wanted to burst into tears. I want to tear at my hair. I wanted to get into my car, turn on my favorite music full blast and just drive without ever looking back.
Do you ever feel like that? Just so overwhelmed with the everyday requirements of your life? I know my situation is not unique, I’m pretty sure almost every working mom can relate to my schedule. How do we do this, day in and day out, week in and week out, month after month, year after year?
I’ve been thinking a lot about ways to simplify my life recently. I feel like I have little to no time to just be in the moment. I feel like my life is a racehorse, galloping at full speed to the finishing line and I’m the jockey who’s foot has slipped out the stirrup, I’ve fallen and being dragged along behind my racehorse life. Does that even make sense?
And then I think about what it would be like to be a stay at home mom and I know, I just know I wouldn’t be able to do it. I don’t think I could cope with that either. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I feel over extended. I feel like everyone wants a peace of me and I’m slowly being ripped to shreds as they each take their chunk.
I dream of a simpler life, but honestly, I don’t know what that is or what it even entails.