I learned something profound today, I learned something I thought I always knew, but in hind sight, I never really understood till today. I learned that God truly does not give us more than what we can cope with. That every single one of us are on a journey and there are going to be times when that journey is going to be so unbelievabley painful that our knees will buckle and we will want to quit, but some how, some way we will go on. We’ll be able to look at others on their journey’s and thank God for our own personal hardships which will pale in comparison to the hardships of the people who will touch our lives.
I always knew all of that, I just never really fully understood what that meant till today. Today I made a new friend, today, my new friend said something that at first shocked me, but as it sunk in, brought me to this profound realization. My new friend came into my life via my blog, a random commentor, a commentor who’s blog I chose to visit and respond to. We engaged in a “conversation”, she told me about her daughter, Bianca, who has Leukemia, I told her about my battle with infertility and this is how she responded:
And even though our journey is tough, it seems manageable and not nearly as hard or challenging as the one you are walking. I cannot even begin to imagine and it seems so very unfair.
I was completley gobsmacked. How can that be? How could my 6 years and 6 miscarriages possibly compare with watching your young child fight Leukemia? In my mind, that must be the worst kind of hell but I guess in her mind my story must be some kind of hell. Its then that I finally understood that God will only give us what we can cope with.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not trivializing any of this. I’m not saying its fun or easy, but my personal situation is managable for me, as is her’s for her and as is everybody’s own set of personal hardships. So I guess that confirms what I’ve always believed, there is a reason why I was picked for this specific hardship, there is a reason each one of us is handpicked.
Do I like my infertility? Hell no. Do I want it to end? Hell yes! Do I dream about what it must be like? Seeing a heart beat on a scan? Buying baby clothes, feeling a baby move in my pregnant belly, seeing my husband touch my pregnant belly, seeing our baby being born, smelling my baby. I dream of and yearn for all of those things but in the midst of the yearing, heart ache and pain, I’m also capable of being happy and living a full life. I would imagine that the same is true for Lea and Bianca, I bet Lea wishes Bianca’s illness and treatment could end, I bet she wishes she could see her beautiful little girl running arond doing all the things little girls should be doing, I bet she doesn’t have to watch has her precious child has to endure one more procedure. But I bet there are times that are filled with laughter and happiness amongst all the pain as well.
We all have hardships to endure but I guess ours are chosen for us to ensure that we are able to endure them, but that doesn’t mean we have to like them.