You guys, I’ve been holding out on you… well some of you. Those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter… Won’t know.
See, I have this secret… well it’s not really a secret but it kind of is because… it’s a dirty little secret…. it’s so very un-PC and something I’m so very ashamed of… that I rarely ever mention it online.
I am a smoker!
Mrs Banting #fatgirlslim #fatgirlfit
Or rather… I smoked!
I hated it. No I lie, I freaking LOVED it, but I knew it was so very very bad for me and I knew I had to give it up. And I hated how it took time away from my children (because I don’t smoke around them and only outside) and I hated how it made me feel like a shitty mother, and I hated how it made me feel self conscious to kiss my husband because he’s a non smoker and I hated how it made me smell and I hated how much money it cost and I hated how it was aging my skin, and I hated how it dominated every choice I made in my life (where to eat out/do they have a smoking section? Where to go on holiday/how many smoke breaks will I need along the way) I hated it.
But OMG… I LOVED it!
Then my #fatgirlslim journey happened and something inside me shifted. I’ve become like all healthy and stuff. Being conscious of my fitness and my diet and what I eat had a knock on effect and more and more I started thinking about quitting the ciggies.
But I knew it would be hard and I was very very scared.
Motivation came from an unlikely source, my friend, Jenny, gave me a bit of a pep talk and something she said stuck. We’d gone there for lunch about a month ago and when I whipped out my fags, she kind of did her famous eye roll at me (and if you know Jenny, you’ll know exactly what I’m referring to) and she asked me why the hell I hadn’t kicked the habit yet? Her words were something along the lines of her not knowing a more strong, determined, willful person and that if anyone could do anything they set their minds to, it was me and she just simply couldn’t understand how come I hadn’t don’t it already.
For some reason, what she said stayed with me. It had an impact on me. Far greater than all the whining, nagging and moaning I’ve faced about my smoking over the years, from my husband, my family, my mom especially.
And I kept mulling over what she said. Over and over it played in my mind. Then about two weeks ago, I had a dream. It was more of a nightmare really, but for the life of me, I have no recollection what it was about except that it involved my children, my health and my smoking. And that was it.
I woke up that very day and I simply quit!
It’s been two week’s today you guys! Two week’s!
This past year had been an incredible journey to improved health and fitness and it has taught me so much about who I am, what I’m capable of and what my limits are.
And now, I can add non smoker to that list to!