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I Shouldn’t Have

Posted this mornings post, I should have known better having been down this uncertain and shitty road 72 times in the past 6 years. I’m sticking with my original motto, miracles do happen, just not too me.

I POAS again now and its a BFN. So that’s that.

The worst part is that all that other stupid shit that happened yesterday I showed to W and I got his hopes up and now I’m going to disappoint him and thats the worst part. I hate that part.

Its exactly as Maritza put it, a prison of hope and disappointment. I wish I didn’t allow hope in, sometimes I think it would be easier that way, I realize that this journey would be impossible without hope, but its also pretty impossible with all the disappointment.

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18 Comments

  • Reply dee

    So where is your AF then? Please go and have a blood test, please – just to put your mind at ease. Im sorry about all of this, it is like a prison. You let one ray of hope in and a whole tsunami follows.

    October 15, 2008 at 10:10 am
  • Reply Amanda

    Sweets,I am thinking of you today. W will understand, he loves you so much, he has you in his heart. He gets it.

    October 15, 2008 at 10:17 am
  • Reply Michelle

    Aah Shaz – what to say? The disappointment is so hard to bear. Thinking of you and please KUP.
    Love and hugs
    Mich

    October 15, 2008 at 11:29 am
  • Reply samcy

    It is messed up… BUT with no AF I am *still* the eternal otpimist… I am SO hoping that shitty test was wrong (the BFN one)

    You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

    xxx

    October 15, 2008 at 12:49 pm
  • Reply Murgdan

    Well where’s your damn period?! I hate these body tricks. Arrrrgh. So sorry for the BFN. There’s nothing worse than the teaser second line. I had one once too. There’s nothing worse than getting your hopes UP, especially when you think you’ve ‘learned better’.

    This may sound nutty…I miss my ‘2WW’ and ‘POAS’ just because I miss the ‘hope’ of it all….but then again, I O’d this week and purposefully put D off and had NO sex just because I wanted to be sure I didn’t play any disappointing games with myself in two weeks.

    October 15, 2008 at 1:23 pm
  • Reply Yvonne

    Oh Shaz, I’m so sorry, That’s so flipping unfair – talk about a rollercoaster ride! 🙁

    Seeing as AF is still not here and I am (as ever) the eternal optimist I would suggest you either go for the bloods, or get another HPT and use tomorrow’s FMU just to be sure. I don’t know which ones you like using but I found the Clicks Brand (cheap too!) by far the most accurate!

    Thinking of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    x
    Yvonne

    October 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm
  • Reply Elize

    Oh hon, so so disappointing. (((HUGS)))Friday can’t come any quicker. It would be interesting to hear what Dr G says.

    October 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm
  • Reply Sian

    BBBBBLLLLAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.

    October 15, 2008 at 3:28 pm
  • Reply Marina

    So sorry Sharon!! It’s horrible when your body plays tricks on you like that. When I have no symptoms, I often feel like I can’t wait for AF to arrive so it can get over and done with without the uncertainty of not knowing. As if the 2WW isn’t bad enough, now you’re left thinking “am I” or “am I not” for longer. I hope Dr G has some answers for you on Friday. Thinking of you.

    Love
    M

    October 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm
  • Reply Suzanna Catherine

    Thinking of you… Hoping for your miracle at last.

    October 15, 2008 at 5:42 pm
  • Reply Stacey

    Praying for you today Sharon.

    (BIG HUGS)

    October 15, 2008 at 5:54 pm
  • Reply Joni

    Oh No Shaz, I was soo hopeful for you! But like Sam I am the eternal optimist maybe your new batch is buggered????

    Please please go for that blood test, it’ll definitely put your mind at ease!!!!

    Thinking of you!!!

    October 15, 2008 at 6:04 pm
  • Reply Shawna

    Well crap. So much for my cautious optimism. Thinking of you.

    October 16, 2008 at 1:22 am
  • Reply keystoclaritycoach

    Dear Sharon, I know this is a difficult journey, and it feels like you’re torturing yourself right now. This road is torturous! Please get a blood test done for peace of mind. Between now and then, some distraction and pampering is in order! See if you can think of ways to support yourself during this process.

    lovingly,
    Coach Louise

    PS Please don’t say miracles don’t happen to you! You end up manifesting what you’re thinking… and I want for you to have that family you so desperately want. Just a thought.

    October 16, 2008 at 5:47 am
  • Reply mozzie01

    I agree with Louise, Shaz…a miracle WILL happen to you and it is only a matter of time. This could in fact be it. I am sorry you are on such a rollercoaster of emotions…I am thinking of you and hoping so hard that the BFN HPT is wrong. 🙂

    October 16, 2008 at 7:10 am
  • Reply Adel

    I feel you!!! I woke up this morning and said to my DH that – miracles do happen, just not to me!!! I can’t belief this. I was in a bit of a car accident yesterday and it just showed me that I do have luck – just bad luck!!! Hence – miracles do not happen to me! BUT as you are not me – a miracle can still happen to you!! Don’t loose hope!

    October 16, 2008 at 11:03 am
  • Reply Elana

    I’m so sorry about your BFN…so not fair.

    October 17, 2008 at 1:12 am
  • Reply Monica

    What’s POAS and BFN? Or do I even want to know? Doesn’t sound like fun, I’ll say that much. Sounds like Pooping On Ant Shit and Barfing Forever Now.

    October 17, 2008 at 5:37 am
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