That is the last line that appeared on my blog posting dated from the 15th October 2009.
Thankfully, God did not grant me that wish because I would have missed out on so much. I still marvel out how quickly things can change, how our lives can be moving along on one path and the next moment, we’re on a completely different path. I know I never saw this coming for myself and I’m sure nobody else could have seen this coming for me either. That one moment I would be mourning the loss of yet another pregnancy and the next moment my arms and my heart would be filled by the love of our child. I still hope and pray that my story, my experience can be a source of hope and inspiration for other infertiles out there.
There have been loads of up’s and down’s in the last 10 months. I’ve cried rivers of tears, some from joy and some from sadness. I’ve experienced tremendous peace knowing that one part of my life has ended while a new journey has begun. I have felt tremendous anxiety surrounding the details of our adoption, only to have that also replaced by peace. I’ve had my body permanently scarred by a tattoo to serve as a reminder of the path I walked and the miracle granted to me. I’ve had Dr’s appointments that but have not once had to take my pants off for a scan, nor have I been the patient for a change. I’ve witnessed injections been administered and for a change it wasn’t me receiving the injections. I’ve learned how to have a forgiving spirit, I’ve played my part in restoring a friendship that means more to me than words can say. I’ve made lots of new friends who are also at the starting point of their motherhood journey’s and sadly, I’ve lost some friends along the way as the distance between the two forks in the road got wider and wider. I’ve been hurt and I’ve done the hurting. I’ve learned when to let go and how to move on. I’ve learned the never ending depth and breadth of a mothers love. I’ve learned how to live so unselfishly that the needs of my child come before my own needs, no matter how sick or how tired I am.
It has been an amazing year of self discovery and of growth and I thank God every day that he did not grant that wish, that I am not dead, but alive and well and happy and at peace!