Yesterday I read a blog posting by Melinda that cracked my heart wide open and made me ache on the inside for her, Emma, Ben and families touched by intolerance.
As a parent we are naturally proud of our children, no matter their skin colour, no matter their short comings, no matter whether they have special needs or not, we don’t see their imperfections, we only see utter perfection in everything that they are and that they do and we want to share their utter perfection with the people around us.
But imagine having them go unacknowledged? Thinking about that cuts me like a knife, right to my core. What if Ava were Emma and I was Melinda? What if someone from my family couldn’t acknowledge or love my perfect little girl purely because of their own intolerance and preconceived idea’s. This hurts me, it hurts me to my core, it makes my heart ache for Melinda and when I look at adorable Emma I feel physical pain for them both.
This is an issue that I think many adopters battle with and I think it’s one of the major reason’s why so many infertile couples are afraid to investigate cross racial adoption. I know it’s true for me. I know that it was a big factor in our racial selection during our adoption assessments. Our race preference had very little to do with our choices and everything to do with the tolerance/intolerance of the people who would surround us and society in general. It is a huge responsibility and one that will hurt.
Ava, like to many adopted children, has taught me so very much. She has taught me that a child is a child in all their innocent and perfect glory and that they deserve to be loved no matter their genetics, skin colour, culture or roots.
Knowing what I know now and feeling the way I do now, running Trinity Heart has been, at times painful. I am inundated on a daily basis by requests from desperate, broken, infertile couples looking for assistance on the adoption journey and their number one request is where to find a Caucasian baby. They, like myself when first embarking on this journey, are not looking to fill the void of the love of a child, they’re looking for the perfect package acceptable by our society.
While I understand the reasons because I was there once, I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t cut me a little. Knowing what I know now that the love of a child is the most perfect love and once that bond has formed one will see past colour, special needs and looks. A love that you cannot being to imagine until you are a parent yourself.
Life and family would be so much easier if it weren’t complicated by intolerance.
To read Melinda’s heartbreaking story which appeared on Mommy Matters, you can go here: I Hope That’s The Only Black Grandchild I Ever Have.