But hurting my child is quite another and believe me when I say this to all those who claim ignorance… hurt my child and you know those National Geographic programs that show a lioness defending her young? Well that won’t even come close to what I’ll become and what I’ll do to you.
So after yesterday’s blog posting, I took Ava for her weekly swimming lesson and her swimming teacher asked about where she got her gorgeous brown eyes and curly hair from. A perfectly innocent question given that I’m fair with blue eyes. I told her that Ava is adopted. And her response:
Wow, but she’s so pretty!
Erm, yes folks, apparently only ugly babies/children get put up for adoption, and any BBM seeing her beautiful baby would set aside all the reason’s why she’s decided to put her child up for adoption in the first place and decide to keep her, well yes, because she was pretty!
The second comment was said while looking straight into Ava’s face, as people do when making these types of statements and she said:
I don’t understand how any mother could give her child away!
I almost reached across and gave her a snot, nat (wet) klap (slap)!
So coming back to the issue of ignorance. Well, there’s ignorance and then there’s just plain stupidity! And I’m afraid that a lot of comments on adoption or surrogacy or any of the alternative paths to parenthood are often treated with a blend of both ignorance and stupidity.
What will happen when Ava is older and she can understand those types of comments? Believe it or not, while it may not always seem that way, children are not stupid and even though it may seem like they never listen, they usually hear most of what is said. I won’t tolerate those types of comments made in front of her. I won’t allow anyone, whether through ignorance or stupidity, to make comments that will cause her to feel insecure or call to question her sense of being, her sense of who she is and where she came from, in anyway.
As with any parent, protecting my child is of utmost importance. She will have enough experiences in life that will make her feel less than or insecure, without having to deal with the added benefit of people’s ignorance and stupidity. Of course, how Walter and I choose to parent her will play a large part in her sense of self and in her sense of security but that can all be destroyed by one stupid comment like the one above.
All of you who are reading, whether you’re a lurker or an active commenter, I hope that these series of blog postings on her adoption, on her circumstance, on our BBM and on BBM’s in general will help you all to have a better understanding of the very special miracle that is adoption. A fellow Mommy Blogger sent me a very interesting link to a blog yesterday that also goes in more detail into what not to ask about adoption, I wish the world at large could read this posting.
Walter and I have taken a very firm stance on these issues and we have already distanced ourselves from anyone who has come across, in anyway, to be less than supportive of our our circumstance or anyone who see’s Ava as less than because of her circumstance. While I can forgive ignorance, I can’t forget what certain people have said. I won’t forget, for my child’s sake, I won’t.