The last couple of months have been filled with emotional high’s and crushing lows. There has been so much going on behind the scenes that I haven’t wanted to share here on my blog. But now that the ride seems to be leveling out, I’m going to fill in on what’s been happening.
On the 25th March we will have been waiting for two full years for our second placement. It has not been easy. I never dreamed it would it would take so long. I knew a second placement would be harder and take longer but I could never have imagined two years ago that we’d still be waiting…
Aside from our close call with Baby K last year, all has been silent on the adoption front. No matches, no close calls, well none that I’m aware of anyway. And the more timed past, the more Ava has started asked about her sibling, or more specifically about her baby sister.
Then in February, suddenly things started to happen and both Walter and I were convinced this was it. We are working with two different agencies to find the perfect match for us. We were contacted by both agencies, literally within weeks of each other, with possible matches. Both boy babies, one already born, one due in March. You can imagine our excitement…. With odds like that surely one of them would work out?
Sadly it was not to be. With the one baby, there was consent with no intent as although the initial papers had been signed, they indicated they wanted to withdraw consent before choosing adoptive parents. With the second baby, there was intent but no consent.
We have soared high on the wings of happiness and excitement only to come crashing down to earth in disappointment when neither one of these possibilities panned out. It has been hard. I have planned and dreamed about bringing home one of those babies and then I have cried bitter tears at the loss of something that was never mine to begin with. The hardest part has been surrendering to the process. We have no control over it, we have no influence and no power and have to put our trust in the in our social workers and brave the ride.
But, damn, it has not been easy. My stomach as literally eaten itself with the tension of it all.
I do believe we are so so so very close, after almost two years of nothing, it does feel like things are suddenly starting to move forward and both Walter and I are hopeful that our happy ending as a family of four is just around the next corner…..