There are a number of BM’s blogs I follow. I find their writing helps give me an insight into the heart and mind of our own precious BM and the one thing that has often struck me is that while all adoptions are vastly different and the circumstances surrounding placement vary, at a very basic level most private adoptions are really quite similar.
As an example, today I read Red’s blog posting about why she never read the Birth Parent letter from her AP’s until a year after she’d placed her son with them. I was instantly struck my the similarities between what she described and our own adoption.
Some of you will know this detail and some not, so here goes…. We finished our screening on Monday, 23rd November. Two days later we were contacted by our SW and told not to get too excited but they had a BM who was in the final stages of counseling but who had not felt 100% comfortable with any of the profiles presented to her. Our SW just had this “feeling” that we would be the right match but they were seeing our BM on the Saturday morning to discuss her options and wanted to present her with our profile. That meant we had to complete our profile in 1 evening, to ship to Cape Town on the Thursday for delivery at our SW’s office on the Friday. We were frantic! How does one put together a profile in less than 24 hours? How do you, in such a short period of time, adequately show and express who you are and why you’d be a good match? I mean, this wasn’t a puppy we’re talking about.
It was a frantic night. I cried almost the entire time. We panicked. We wrote and rewrote everything a thousand times. We carefully but quickly selected photo’s to include. The next morning 1st thing I was getting our profile bound and packaged and ready to courier. We had winged it on a hope and a prayer.
Of course 2 weeks later we heard that we’d been selected but it was only when we went to meet our BM that the full story came out.
When we met our BM she told us she’d known we were the ones from the minute she looked at the photo of us on the cover of our profile. She just knew. She did not need to read what our profile said. That picture spoke straight to her heart and she knew with 100% certainty we were the ones.
From all the adoption stories I have followed or been a part of, this always seems to be the truth. So when I’m asked by IF sisters or friends planning to adopt what to include in the profile, what to say or not to say, I always say that they should write what they feel, don’t hide anything, just be yourself, don’t worry about whether your profile is too pretty or not pretty enough. Something about what you present will speak to your BM and she will just know.
I’ve said it before and I still maintain adoption is about love, but it’s also about magic!